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I have fear of death, of course, everyone is afraid to die. But i cant stop thinking about it. I always think, why i am doing this, i am going to die anyway. Nothing has meaning. But that lack of purpose thing is not the big problem. The big problem is fear of dying it self. It all ends by choking or some horrific pain. People get cancer, they rot alive until they die, or they get heart attacks, and heart attacks hurt so much that People faint because of the sudden pain. And we all wait that moment. I wish i was never born, it is cruel joke. I hang around my ugly hometown until i die. lol
I am 21 years old, i imagine how afraid i will be, if i turn 41, or 61. I will most likely commit suicide, my grandfather and uncle did that. When i mention these thoughts of mine about death to my friends, they are too stupid or too smart to care about such things, all they care about is sex, football and getting wasted. I know i am a coward, i should not think about it, i should accept it and live with it, and bla bla. I know that this thread wont help me much also, but i guess sharing with you does help at least a bit.
My mom told me to accept death, and to meet a girl and do something normal. She is village woman, everything is so simple for her. Good for her. I am so depressed that i don't care about girls anymore. My sexual needs are shrinking. I cried many times because i was born and i have to die. What a vagina i am. I cant control it.
I kinda feel the same way. I'll be twenty in about a month, and everything seems so meaningless. I'd rather tell myself when I'm going to die rather than wait for it to creep up on me unexpectedly. I've seen (not with my own eyes) two people commit suicide in my life as well, and I was almost envious. I wanted to be in that state of nothingness. Numb to everything around me. No light, no sound, no touch, no feelings, no hurt. Just peace. I almost killed myself once with my dad's handgun pointed at the side of my head, but I snapped out of it, put it down, and just went about the rest of my day. I wanted to die, but I was afraid of dying. Afraid of what's on the other side. Afraid of the pain. Would it be instant? Or would I gruesomely bleed out?
In every way you describe, I feel it. I've withdrawn from everything and everyone. No job, defriended almost everyone I know on social media, deleted countless phone contacts, stopped going to church, quit school for a semester, quit counseling (twice), started retreating to my room, and locking myself in it for hours in silent darkness. No music, no tv, no computer, just silence. Me, myself, and I aren't so good of friends.
Don't ever let anyone call you a coward. I live by these words, "Do not mock a pain you have not endured." -Unknown.
My parents are controlling freaks, and they try to watch everything I do. Even on Facebook. They used to want my password, or to be friends with me, and I didnt like either of those options, so I deleted it for a while, then reactivated, deleted tons of friends even some of my very close friends, (not including my parents), then just stopped posting on it. So I posted that quote as a status after deleting people, just so my parents would see it.
Yours might not be, but my parents are a......s. And that's where I fall short. They try to pry into my life, and I haven't let them. But they insist to keep prying, and looks where it's gotten them. Nowhere. They cry about not having a relationship with their son, but guess who caused that problem? They did. There's deeper rooted issues that I have with them, but I won't disclose that.
But what I'm trying to say is, everyone has their battles and no one should be brought down trying to receive help for theirs. That's exactly what happened to me when I went to my parents and friends for help. I got beat, made fun of, ridiculed, and slandered.
No matter how much or what people say about you, rely on yourself, and trust no b...h, because no one deserves to be hurt like we are. I don't know your battles, there's no need to even ask what they are, because you've contemplated suicide. I'm sure what you're going through has validity.
But, seriously, if you're like me, and have been hurt by people close to you, people you trusted, only trust yourself, to an extent. However, use your better judgement and only trust those who earn it. Make your trust so expensive no one can afford it. Trust is crucial. There has to be a balance though. Relationships, interpersonal relationships in general, not just boyfriend and girlfriend, require trust. So make a list of who you trust and who you don't trust. Pursue those who have earned your trust, disconnect those who have misused your trust, and keep the ones you aren't sure about at a distance on the sidelines. Make them approachable, but be observant. Watch what they do intensely. A lot of times peoples actions speak louder than their words.
You have every right to be angry, you have every right to be hurt, you have every right to be uncomfortable. Judge your life by your own measuring stick, and never anyone else's. If you look back at your own life, and your satisfied with the progress you've made, BY YOURSELF, then keep moving forward because you can keep making progress. I haven't made a lot of progress in other peoples eyes. To them I'm probably digging a deeper grave, but damnit, I see my life and how far I've come on my own and it's enough for me.
Life is a cruel joke. "Look at all these cool things life has to offer!" Well I'd rather not have those things, if I have to work like a ****ing dog just to survive. People used to survive on so little, and now the whole world is one big ripoff supermarket. The big guys always upcharge the little guys. But anyways,...
Again, I don't know exactly what you're going through, so I started spitting out everything I thought could be relative to your battles. I saw no one posted yet. I'm no psychiatrist, but I hope my advice helps.
And don't worry about crying. It's a natural human emotion. Stay positive.
Guys I'm going to chime in here with just one thing. I have found meaning in life by, of all things, reading about near death experiences that others have had. I am fascinated by all of it and one thing that someone said in there has really stuck with me and that is that life was never meant to be wonderful. But we are here for a very specific reason and that reason is not comfort, happiness, security, freedom, or anything else we say we value, but don't truly understand. We chose before birth to come here and we chose our parents and life situations and we also chose our mission in life, which we then managed to forget. We have a mission here and it's up to us to find it and believe me, it's worth it.
Depression is an extra challenge and I remember being quite depressed at your ages too but somehow it has gotten better as life went on and part of that is that I took the reins on my health and got to eating and feeling better and even then somehow I always kind of hoped I'd get cancer and die and then I'd be off the hook for suicide. But guess what--now I'm 55 and have cancer and have discovered that I really don't want to die at all--life is good. Not always great, but worth living. Challenges like this help you get your priorities straight, and also I suspect I'm in the middle of working my mission right now. Oh, and those near death experiencers who attempted suicide? They say--don't! It's not worth it. No they weren't burning in hell but they were so lonely where they went. Look it up--worth the reading. Then check back and let me know what you think.
Don't ever let anyone call you a coward. I live by these words, "Do not mock a pain you have not endured." -Unknown.
I will endorse that!
Quote:
... no one deserves to be hurt like we are.
That is so true!
Quote:
... I remember being quite depressed at your ages too but somehow it has gotten better as life went on and part of that is that I took the reins on my health and got to eating and feeling better ...
That's the first step.
It might pay both of you to get onto a regimen of micro-nutrient supplements to level the playing field. They say that magnesium can eliminate anxiety altogether. It hasn't with me but then I've taking been it in oxide form which apparently isn't readily absorbed. Do some internet research. B3 and B12 are supposed to help with brain function and so on. Cut out sugar and refined carbs altogether and get plenty of raw vege's and fruit. It all helps.
There are medication that can help quite a bit. The trick is to find the right ones. Some modern medications can make things worse - much worse. Some have side effects that are just not worth it in some people. I'm on an older medication that actually does work and has no side effects at all but I am having it with a small dose of a third generation drug that does have serious side effects which have off after a year. Of course my condition may not be the same as yours.
When I read of your emotional hardships I take note because my own son had difficulties. He said he had a 'monster' inside him which he had to constantly fight to keep down. When he was younger - a bit older than your ages - he said that he was cursed. To him it seemed like it. He did attempt suicide around that time but his condition improved somewhat and he continued to improve over time but on the 14/01/2014 he was overcome but this 'monster' inside him. Now I would like to tell you what it's like from a fathers perspective to lose a son to suicide; it's a living hell! Please do not give up. Keep looking for a solution.
When I read of your emotional hardships I take note because my own son had difficulties.
I'm very sorry to hear about you son...
My father is different however. He was very controlling, physically and mentally abusive. It may be tough for him if I ever killed myself, but he'd deserve the pain, because he made my life a living hell. He created the monster inside me. He was always around, but he was never really a part of my life. He never spent time with me, thought he could make me happy by buying me material things. He was always ALL about work. But now after 20 yrs of my existence has gone by, and he now wants to be a part of my life, but I can't let him. What he's done to me, has already burnt his chances of having a father son relationship with me to ashes.
well I have no fear of death because I know where I am headed life is not to be a vale of tears but if you have nothing greater than your own self then of course you are scared
I can not tell you what to do but I can tell you there is a lot more than just a living void
I hope you start searching in some real places instead of your own heads~~
well I have no fear of death because I know where I am headed life is not to be a vale of tears but if you have nothing greater than your own self then of course you are scared
I can not tell you what to do but I can tell you there is a lot more than just a living void
I hope you start searching in some real places instead of your own heads~~
I feel like i wake up confused most days. like nothing around me is real i dont feel intune with my emotions i dont feel anything but confusion.its wierd like i dont know what to think like am i stupid for focusing so much on this or is everyone else stupid for not noticing. All i Know is that all this has made me depressed i dont like these thoughts i want to be happy again but its hard when i dont even know what this is or what i am.im trying new things I'm on a diet to become more healthy i got a complete check up at the doctors and i made an appointment to see a therapist. And im going to church again i dont know why im here but i wanna be happy while im here i want to enjoy it i really hope we all get through this. But i think what we all lack here is love either getting loved or giving love i know its hard guys but we have to fight this cause regardless of which is the right way to think this way sucks cause ur just gonna be sad all the time and wake up and be sad again its no fun lets try and be grateful for the moment and be happy.
I have fear of death, of course, everyone is afraid to die. But i cant stop thinking about it. I always think, why i am doing this, i am going to die anyway. Nothing has meaning. But that lack of purpose thing is not the big problem. The big problem is fear of dying it self. It all ends by choking or some horrific pain. People get cancer, they rot alive until they die, or they get heart attacks, and heart attacks hurt so much that People faint because of the sudden pain. And we all wait that moment. I wish i was never born, it is cruel joke. I hang around my ugly hometown until i die. lol
I am 21 years old, i imagine how afraid i will be, if i turn 41, or 61. I will most likely commit suicide, my grandfather and uncle did that. When i mention these thoughts of mine about death to my friends, they are too stupid or too smart to care about such things, all they care about is sex, football and getting wasted. I know i am a coward, i should not think about it, i should accept it and live with it, and bla bla. I know that this thread wont help me much also, but i guess sharing with you does help at least a bit.
My mom told me to accept death, and to meet a girl and do something normal. She is village woman, everything is so simple for her. Good for her. I am so depressed that i don't care about girls anymore. My sexual needs are shrinking. I cried many times because i was born and i have to die. What a vagina i am. I cant control it.
Maybe you're saying that you're afraid of pain. Not of death itself. You just associate death with pain.
I am afraid of pain also. Yes...being born is like a cruel joke... I relate to that.
If you do commit suicide (which seems to be in your genes) at least you can then choose a painless way, right? Google it and people describe painless ways. That way you don't have to be afraid of sudden "painful" death.
But on the other hand, it may help (or not) to know that our brain fools us and thinks that something is true when it's not. Not all deaths are violent. Some people just die quietly of old age. Sometimes our brain thinks that "the whole world is like this" even though it was only 2-3 situations.
I was talking to a person and he said that NO ONE listened to him. ALL people ignored him. I said "who is "all"? He said: my mom and grandma.
If a person is reading a newspaper and reads about 5 deaths, his brain may decide that everybody is killing each other. But in reality, it could be only 1 percent.
It just may help to know that brain draws wrong conclusions. So it may help to use logic and try to teach your brain to know facts (not fiction which is perceives or creates). Like do statistics confirm your fear that most people die a violent death or is this just a fiction of your brain?
Believing comes from reading.
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i really hope we all get through this. But i think what we all lack here is love either getting loved or giving love i know its hard guys but we have to fight this cause regardless of which is the right way to think this way sucks cause ur just gonna be sad all the time and wake up and be sad again its no fun lets try and be grateful for the moment and be happy.
