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I met a guy a month ago whom I really like. We have gone on 3 dates but there is no sex (I said no) and no commitment (he hasn't asked). We have friends in common. I was out with our friends and I met another guy. Funny thing is I suspect I attracted this other guy because I was thinking about the first guy and was smiling a lot. I don't know if my friends noticed or not my interaction with this new guy. I felt very guilty and did not want anyone to notice because I don't want the first guy to know. I haven't heard from the guy I'm seeing in a couple days which is normal, but it is getting late and I haven't heard from him today either even though I texted him late last night. That is somewhat normal too, not hearing back as the text was not one you would respond to. I usually let him come to me but something , feeling like I needed him and maybe some guilt because there is a third guy I am talking to also. Late last night the third guy and I got into a heated argument and that's when I sent the text, hoping to hear back as a distraction.
I am very clear I want to be with the guy I've had the 3 dates with. It doesn't seem natural to be interacting with other men. I am not clear on what he wants with me, or if that changes from time to time. I feel paranoid that I will scare him off if he thinks I'm talking to other guys yet he has not asked me for a commitment. Can anyone help me sort out my thoughts and reactions here? I have dreams of running away and having a whole new life elsewhere with or without men. It all feels very overwhelming to me. I don't know if this is normal but I can't afford counseling if not and I have already been. Anyone been through anxiety like this?
I'm sorry, the guy you've been on 3 dates with doesn't seem very interested. You may want to start emotionally disconnecting.
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I met a guy a month ago whom I really like. We have gone on 3 dates but there is no sex (I said no) and no commitment (he hasn't asked). We have friends in common. I was out with our friends and I met another guy. Funny thing is I suspect I attracted this other guy because I was thinking about the first guy and was smiling a lot. I don't know if my friends noticed or not my interaction with this new guy. I felt very guilty and did not want anyone to notice because I don't want the first guy to know. I haven't heard from the guy I'm seeing in a couple days which is normal, but it is getting late and I haven't heard from him today either even though I texted him late last night. That is somewhat normal too, not hearing back as the text was not one you would respond to. I usually let him come to me but something , feeling like I needed him and maybe some guilt because there is a third guy I am talking to also. Late last night the third guy and I got into a heated argument and that's when I sent the text, hoping to hear back as a distraction.
I am very clear I want to be with the guy I've had the 3 dates with. It doesn't seem natural to be interacting with other men. I am not clear on what he wants with me, or if that changes from time to time. I feel paranoid that I will scare him off if he thinks I'm talking to other guys yet he has not asked me for a commitment. Can anyone help me sort out my thoughts and reactions here? I have dreams of running away and having a whole new life elsewhere with or without men. It all feels very overwhelming to me. I don't know if this is normal but I can't afford counseling if not and I have already been. Anyone been through anxiety like this?
BREATHE honey, just breathe
No commitment means you are free to "interact" with whomever you choose - nothing wrong with that.
But seriously, do not let your mind run away with you! Quit entertaining the thoughts that are leading to so much anxiety.
Let things progress naturally. IF it's meant to be, it will all work out. You just have to try to chill a bit and stop getting so overwhelmed (which you are doing to yourself, you do get that don't you?).
I met a guy a month ago whom I really like. We have gone on 3 dates but there is no sex (I said no) and no commitment (he hasn't asked). We have friends in common. I was out with our friends and I met another guy. Funny thing is I suspect I attracted this other guy because I was thinking about the first guy and was smiling a lot. I don't know if my friends noticed or not my interaction with this new guy. I felt very guilty and did not want anyone to notice because I don't want the first guy to know. I haven't heard from the guy I'm seeing in a couple days which is normal, but it is getting late and I haven't heard from him today either even though I texted him late last night. That is somewhat normal too, not hearing back as the text was not one you would respond to. I usually let him come to me but something , feeling like I needed him and maybe some guilt because there is a third guy I am talking to also. Late last night the third guy and I got into a heated argument and that's when I sent the text, hoping to hear back as a distraction.
I am very clear I want to be with the guy I've had the 3 dates with. It doesn't seem natural to be interacting with other men. I am not clear on what he wants with me, or if that changes from time to time. I feel paranoid that I will scare him off if he thinks I'm talking to other guys yet he has not asked me for a commitment. Can anyone help me sort out my thoughts and reactions here? I have dreams of running away and having a whole new life elsewhere with or without men. It all feels very overwhelming to me. I don't know if this is normal but I can't afford counseling if not and I have already been. Anyone been through anxiety like this?
On another note....
when you "said NO to sex" were you careful to do it in a way that let's him know you still find him very attractive and may be willing to go there once you see how things progress in your relationship?
If he in any way got a message from you that sex is completely off the table he may have taken this as a bit of a rejection, like you don't find him attractive.
Yes, thank you Loves, I get that I am doing this to myself. I just am trying to understand why dating is so hard for me. I guess the why doesn't matter. I have no patience sometimes. I do want to run away from my life here and take a break, maybe a permanent one from men in general. I like this guy so much but he is not giving me the attention I want. In his defense, not to make excuses for him as Mikala may very well be right, (that he is losing interest.) he is a single dad and works full time besides so he doesn't have a lot of time. I am hoping you are not right, though Mikala. Thank you
when you "said NO to sex" were you careful to do it in a way that let's him know you still find him very attractive and may be willing to go there once you see how things progress in your relationship?
If he in any way got a message from you that sex is completely off the table he may have taken this as a bit of a rejection, like you don't find him attractive.
I did make it clear to him that I am interested in sex with him. He understands I felt it was just not the right time yet.
Yes, thank you Loves, I get that I am doing this to myself. I just am trying to understand why dating is so hard for me. I guess the why doesn't matter. I have no patience sometimes. I do want to run away from my life here and take a break, maybe a permanent one from men in general. I like this guy so much but he is not giving me the attention I want. In his defense, not to make excuses for him as Mikala may very well be right, (that he is losing interest.) he is a single dad and works full time besides so he doesn't have a lot of time. I am hoping you are not right, though Mikala. Thank you
I hope Mikala isn't right too Being a single dad it makes more sense that his time is limited, so try not to be too worried yet.
I can so well remember that feeling of wanting someone SO badly and being so afraid he wouldn't want me the same way. It is a very anxious time!
Just realize that as uncomfortable as this is, your feelings are pretty normal and universal
Yes, thank you Loves, I get that I am doing this to myself. I just am trying to understand why dating is so hard for me. I guess the why doesn't matter. I have no patience sometimes. I do want to run away from my life here and take a break, maybe a permanent one from men in general. I like this guy so much but he is not giving me the attention I want. In his defense, not to make excuses for him as Mikala may very well be right, (that he is losing interest.) he is a single dad and works full time besides so he doesn't have a lot of time. I am hoping you are not right, though Mikala. Thank you
Well, let's hope I am completely wrong.
It's been mentioned before that some counseling might help you establish healthier relationships with men. You talk about taking breaks, but then you're right back in there.
I think you need to learn more about yourself, your needs and your motivation.
I do wish you luck, and I'm glad you are away from those other guys.
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And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
I did make it clear to him that I am interested in sex with him. He understands I felt it was just not the right time yet.
(Loves, it won't let me rep you. Thank you)
It's the thought that counts
I think Mikala makes a great point - I know you say you can't afford therapy, but why not try to do some reading and self-help exercises to gain more confidence and competence with men?
I try to work on myself but I get frustrated with it, almost a backlash. I build myself up, I just don't feel confident but I am not sure why (if it's lack of confidence in men or in myself because I do know I am a "good catch.") I use affirmations and new age methods too but later I have a down day and I say it's all nonsense. There are other issues too. I think it would probably be a good idea to focus more on the self help stuff than the new age methods. I will change it up somewhat. Thank you both again
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