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Old 02-17-2015, 07:03 PM
 
Location: blew the popstand
80 posts, read 92,643 times
Reputation: 78

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I am thinking of trying to find a counselor. Or not. Maybe. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure because I don't know if I really want to change. I'm confident I have found a "root" to my interpersonal /relationship problems. I believe they come from attachment issues growing up. I've always considered myself surprisingly well-adjusted considering my upbringing. Part of me wants to explore this more (I had previously sought counseling following a series of traumatic events and it helped a lot). Part of me is not particularly interested in changing and so I wonder if it's even worth exploring if I dont do anything with it. I feel like if I do seek to change it then I'm getting rid of something that makes me fundamentally ME.
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Old 02-17-2015, 07:14 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
47,637 posts, read 45,977,435 times
Reputation: 93340
Do you want us to talk you into it or talk you out of it?

Given this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by gypsy5oul View Post
...considering my upbringing.
... I would do it.
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Old 02-17-2015, 07:41 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
35,610 posts, read 22,327,421 times
Reputation: 51162
My "me" has changed dramatically over the decades, and in part that change is what makes me, me.

Anything I do or don't do, is me.
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Old 02-17-2015, 07:44 PM
 
Location: Wilmington NC
5,866 posts, read 5,570,475 times
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So, you're feeling like you've done your counseling and gotten your stuff resolved...but to me if someone insists that they don't want to change or changing is too much trouble, doesn't that mean you don't have your stuff all resolved? OR, maybe you don't actually need to change, but need to come to an understanding that who you are and how you are is just fine the way it is. Lots of people see counselors for validation, not change.

Either way, if you are feeling relationship minded, relationships are not just about you. They are about you and the other person, so it wouldn't hurt to have some assistance negotiating the give and take of a relationship with someone who may or may not have their stuff together as well as you do.
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Old 02-18-2015, 06:47 AM
 
Location: blew the popstand
80 posts, read 92,643 times
Reputation: 78
No, I'm not saying my experience in the therapist's chair got everything resolved, it got the things I went there for resolved.
I'm also not saying I don't want to change, per se, just that I have reservations about it because how I respond to situations and people is very much a part of who I am and I'm not sure if I want to or should change that about me. But it's definitely created hurdles in my relationships in the past.
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Old 02-19-2015, 10:39 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,118 posts, read 8,731,712 times
Reputation: 11672
Why would you want to hold onto a way of being that causes issues in your relationships? I went through a really tough divorce that I sought counseling for and it did help at the time. But I recently sought help again because it's five years later, but I struggle in my relationships now. I can tell you exactly what my weak points are, I can pin point the divorce and even things from childhood that have made me the way I am. I know what my issues are, but I haven't been able to push past them alone and that's why I made the decision to see a therapist again.

It's a really personal decision. I'm dating someone right now I really care about and I think it could really be something. I don't want to screw it up and that's why I finally made the call.
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Old 03-09-2015, 09:38 AM
 
13,054 posts, read 16,159,727 times
Reputation: 15303
Quote:
Originally Posted by gypsy5oul View Post
I am thinking of trying to find a counselor. Or not. Maybe. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure because I don't know if I really want to change. I'm confident I have found a "root" to my interpersonal /relationship problems. I believe they come from attachment issues growing up. I've always considered myself surprisingly well-adjusted considering my upbringing. Part of me wants to explore this more (I had previously sought counseling following a series of traumatic events and it helped a lot). Part of me is not particularly interested in changing and so I wonder if it's even worth exploring if I dont do anything with it. I feel like if I do seek to change it then I'm getting rid of something that makes me fundamentally ME.
You'll never lose the "fundamentally me" by talking out relationship feelings and problems...
Counseling (depending on the counselor) can be a good or bad thing. Personally if I feel the need, I have some good friends who are willing to listen to me and offer their own insight...that's counseling to me. I don't feel a stranger would so helpful to me...but that's just me.
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