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Hey all. This isn’t too much of a relationship thread but more of someone seeking guidance. My ex and I broke up last year, it was messy I was heartbroken and destroyed, but I learned to live without her, she contacts me off and on but I haven’t ended that yet. Im hoping to do that soon. the end of that relationship really took a toll on me, i just stopped existing.
This year I met another girl, a great girl, she really liked me but I never got to really get together with her because I just had too much problems at that time. I do like her, we talked a bit but I haven’t gotten around telling her how I feel, recently I’ve been doing the calling and messaging so I’m not sure if she’s still interested. She has exams right now so I just messaged her and told her to contact me when she gets the chance. If she messages me she does and if not well, just not, not to sure what I could do again about that. Any tips on that would be appreciated.
That situation isn’t my major concern though. I’m a 24 year old man guys and I’m really bothered by where I am. I’m in a job that I dislike so much, I use it just to get by. My biggest educational background is college, I didn’t do great but I did okay. I’ve become so lazy and unambitious, it’s like I don’t care about myself. Grew up in a hard life but I don’t want that to be an excuse.
I just can’t get out of this rut, my early 20s have gone by and I haven’t enjoyed any of it, kind of depressing when I think about how I’ve wasted my youth. To make things worst I got really unfit and I’m skinny fat. I eat like 3 times tops for the day, all small meals, I get tired a lot and not much sleep. Like 5-6 hours. Just a really bad lifestyle.
It’s like there’s a wall inside my head that’s stopping me from moving on and going further, I’m really sick of how my life is, I’ve felt this way 2 years ago and as of now nothing’s changed. I’m getting scared that I’ll end up really depressed and continue living miserably. I don’t want that life. I have no idea how to start a new one or make positive adjustments to the one I’m living.
I know its really up to me to change things around. I just have no idea how to begin climbing out of this whole I’ve dug for myself. I want to be successful and have a happy life, just simply enjoy living. Right now im not doing any of that, and it makes me really sad.
I'm going to try to be gentle. I feel you have an illness and you need medical help. You have all the signs of clinical depression. It's not a failing, and it probably doesn't have anything to do with your life situation. It is a chemical imbalance. There are treatments and I hope you seek them.
I agree with zentropa. But starting today, you can improve your lifestyle by taking good care of yourself. Eat nutritious foods, get enough sleep, exercise daily, make time for friendships and play. Love yourself.
Visualize your ideal life and works towards it every day in some way, no matter how small. Procrastination is a dream killer.
So you've been feeling like this since a year before the breakup. Therefore, it's not the breakup that precipitated it, though it didn't help, and may have made it worse, but you seem to have coped with that to some extent.
Think back to 2 years ago; can you think of anything that brought on this depressive state? how long have you been in your job, and why did you choose that job? Were you ok with it in the beginning, and then something changed? Or not?
You haven't wasted your youth; your youth is now. You're only 24; you're in the beginning of your early adulthood. You have plenty of youthful years left.
You're from some kind of harsh background. Was there trauma or neglect in your childhood? That can cause depression in adulthood. See if your health insurance covers mental health. In the short term, you can get an anti-depressant. Longer-term, you can work to resolve the roots of the depression, heal whatever wounds you may carry from the past, and get off the meds to a happy life. I've seen people achieve this. It's a miracle, and you can make it happen! Have faith in yourself.
edit: Butterflyfish is right on; you can begin today with self-care: good nutrition, regular sleep schedule. Cut back on sugar and starches, focus on green veggies, protein, and whole grain starches in moderate amounts. Explore recipes online or in a bookstore--make a project out of creating appetizing, healthy meals for yourself. Make it a fun adventure. This will mitigate your fatigue in part by balancing your metabolic hormones.
Be well, OP. And let us know how you do. Be good to yourself. You're worth it!
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 12-05-2016 at 10:45 PM..
I'm going to try to be gentle. I feel you have an illness and you need medical help. You have all the signs of clinical depression. It's not a failing, and it probably doesn't have anything to do with your life situation. It is a chemical imbalance. There are treatments and I hope you seek them.
I was going to say this too. Just a few sessions with a psychologist might be all you need to turn it around. He or she may recommend some meds or not, but what do you have to lose?
Montie, I agree with those who say that what you describe appears like clinical depression. Do not beat yourself up for feeling like that- sometimes you really want a better life but it's hard to find the energy to pull yourself together.
If you have at least some sort of medical insurance, I would seek a therapist and ask for help. I have been in therapy myself, and not always all therapists are good, so you may have to see a few until you find a good one. But once you do, I think you would benefit from therapy, and maybe even medications.
But until then, the best thing you can do is be gentle with yourself. Don't beat yourself up. I've been there (for me it lasted almost a year after I got divorced) but then slowly things changed for me, and now I am better. I do remember the days in which even taking a shower or doing dishes felt like an accomplishment. Hard times, but nothing is forever. Good luck and hug!
Amazing how remarkably similar the OP is to a post in the relationships thread:
Just tired, really tired.
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Have faith in yourself.
