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Hello, I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half now, and I've come to realize that she's the most amazing and loving woman that I've ever known. I am completely happy with her in all aspects of our relationship except for one major issue, and it's a big one that is super hard to deal with and even accept for that matter.
She has two children, both fathered by her ex husband who just happens to be a certified psychopath, and her son (12 years old) displays an intense amount of characteristics associated with a psychopath. Recently I've been having my property stolen and/or destroyed by him (including my car as we live together), I'm constantly disrespected, and he generally tries to ruin just about everything and anything that my girlfriend/his mother and I have to enjoy in life. Recently he had an episode where after a lot of yelling and attitude and breaking things in the house it came to light through a statement that he made that he is insanely jealous if me and the attention that I get, and believes that I'm trying to take his mother from him. Which I suppose is understandable for a young man. However, my lady/ his mother has come to the conclusion because of this that I need to move out..... She doesn't want me to break up with her, and yet she thinks that it's completely ok to shake my entire life up by having me move out. This is the second time that this has happened, and I'm not sure that I'm ok with her doing this again because I'm worried that it will always be like this and that there's no point in trying to continue on with her because it will always end up like this in the future. There are some major points I left out of this, including the fact that I'm scared to leave her alone with her children when they physically, mentally, and emotionally abuse her the way they do. But this is my situation, and I'm dying for any help possible
P.S. if you know if any resources for a parent that is abused by their children, please let me know
Hello, I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half now, and I've come to realize that she's the most amazing and loving woman that I've ever known. I am completely happy with her in all aspects of our relationship except for one major issue, and it's a big one that is super hard to deal with and even accept for that matter.
She has two children, both fathered by her ex husband who just happens to be a certified psychopath, and her son (12 years old) displays an intense amount of characteristics associated with a psychopath. Recently I've been having my property stolen and/or destroyed by him (including my car as we live together), I'm constantly disrespected, and he generally tries to ruin just about everything and anything that my girlfriend/his mother and I have to enjoy in life. Recently he had an episode where after a lot of yelling and attitude and breaking things in the house it came to light through a statement that he made that he is insanely jealous if me and the attention that I get, and believes that I'm trying to take his mother from him. Which I suppose is understandable for a young man. However, my lady/ his mother has come to the conclusion because of this that I need to move out..... She doesn't want me to break up with her, and yet she thinks that it's completely ok to shake my entire life up by having me move out. This is the second time that this has happened, and I'm not sure that I'm ok with her doing this again because I'm worried that it will always be like this and that there's no point in trying to continue on with her because it will always end up like this in the future. There are some major points I left out of this, including the fact that I'm scared to leave her alone with her children when they physically, mentally, and emotionally abuse her the way they do. But this is my situation, and I'm dying for any help possible
P.S. if you know if any resources for a parent that is abused by their children, please let me know
I know that you care about her, but you have to understand that her priority is not you but her children. As it should be.
You really should move this to the Parenting forum for advice on behavior-intervention therapy she can seek. IN the meantime, it probably would be better for you to move out if she thinks it's best. You can continue to support her emotionally.
Hello, I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half now, and I've come to realize that she's the most amazing and loving woman that I've ever known. I am completely happy with her in all aspects of our relationship except for one major issue, and it's a big one that is super hard to deal with and even accept for that matter.
She has two children, both fathered by her ex husband who just happens to be a certified psychopath, and her son (12 years old) displays an intense amount of characteristics associated with a psychopath. Recently I've been having my property stolen and/or destroyed by him (including my car as we live together), I'm constantly disrespected, and he generally tries to ruin just about everything and anything that my girlfriend/his mother and I have to enjoy in life. Recently he had an episode where after a lot of yelling and attitude and breaking things in the house it came to light through a statement that he made that he is insanely jealous if me and the attention that I get, and believes that I'm trying to take his mother from him. Which I suppose is understandable for a young man. However, my lady/ his mother has come to the conclusion because of this that I need to move out..... She doesn't want me to break up with her, and yet she thinks that it's completely ok to shake my entire life up by having me move out. This is the second time that this has happened, and I'm not sure that I'm ok with her doing this again because I'm worried that it will always be like this and that there's no point in trying to continue on with her because it will always end up like this in the future. There are some major points I left out of this, including the fact that I'm scared to leave her alone with her children when they physically, mentally, and emotionally abuse her the way they do. But this is my situation, and I'm dying for any help possible
P.S. if you know if any resources for a parent that is abused by their children, please let me know
Who "certified" the ex or his son? You?
Is your GF son in care of behavioral professional? Maybe he not a psychopath, but have adjustment disorder, or ODD?
If not, you could suggest to make an appointment to see if they can help, then support your GF AND the kids while they are going through the treatment.
pretty sad post
I think you should move out too.
If you really care for and love her you would do this..if only for her.
It would be a lot easier living in your own place where you could entertain just her (the mother) when you can....without the hassle of having your property destroyed and trying to live with a young fellow that hates your guts.
What happened the first time "this happened"..was it better for you both?
So good in fact that you thought you'd try living together again????
Yeah, that was pretty much exactly the case. She and I love each other endlessly, but we're both tired of all of the stress involved, and I'm definitely moving out as soon as possible. I've come to the conclusion that I can only be for her what I can be from a distance, and while its severely discouraging, the truth is that I know this is for the best. I suppose my question is whether or not it's a good idea for me to continue seeing her, when 1.) It seems to me that she desperately needs to focus on her children, and if I end up continuing on with her if I will just end up being hurt more and more by trying to support her. Yes, she is worth it, yes I would do anything for her, but is it what I SHOULD do as someone who is concerned about their own mental health? Not to mention that my being involved with her will potentially take time away from them to work on things. However, I'm her rock, I'm who she turns to for comfort and love and support when her children get abusive and make her feel worthless..... What am I doing to get if I back out and leave her to their behaviors without my care and concern. I am breaking down bit by bit, but have high hopes that my moving out will give me back what I need to be there for her
Last edited by TheWickedOne0000; 10-27-2017 at 09:58 AM..
And in response to the question about psychopathy, it was the ex, no child can be certified of psychopathic behavior, the truth is that the kids had a hard life just as I did and I tried so hard to be the father figure that he never had, but he completely rejected all my attempts to bond with him. I have given up on trying to help him after all this time, and while I hate myself for it because every child is worth the effort and I truly do love him. His problems run so deep from being in foster care and being abused by his father and other father figures from the past that I can only see this getting worse and worse for his mother. Am I making excuses for my behavior in this in all of your opinions? Am I trying to justify my abandoning him? Am I abandoning him? What about her daughter? She and I love each other, and she will be losing me as well. I'm just so damned confused.... Fyi: her mother will not allow me to be just a father figure to her because she doesn't think that it's fair for her to have me in her life if her son cannot, even if it's his in choice,.
Last edited by TheWickedOne0000; 10-27-2017 at 10:02 AM..
Lots of heavy baggage, in my years of dating I would run from guys with kids and I only had one child. Our children are number 1 and that Brady Bunch is a bunch of balony.
There have been some horribly sad stories of children dying at the hands of so called lovers and relationships.
but have high hopes that my moving out will give me back what I need to be there for her
I think that's what'll happen.Sure moms need to focus on their children (and that'll be easier for her when you're not there), but that doesn't mean she couldn't enjoy a relationship with you when you're both in your own space....it's the best way to go, and you can still be there to encourage and support her.....
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