Need some advice regarding what to do, family, etc. (addict, paranoid, system)

[HarryWarden]

So, here's the background:

My brother is, at the very least, mentally ill/paranoid and likely a drug addict as well. I say that he's mentally ill because he constantly rambles on about "the system" being out to get him and everything being an "illusion." The drug addict part comes from the fact that he has been arrested for drug possession multiple times. In addition, he is a heavy drinker and when he gets drunk, he gets very violent & angry.

This past week, my parents were out of town and asked me to watch their house even though they currently are letting him live there because they don't trust him to ably care for their pets, which they left home during their trip. Well, he got violent and punched me in the shoulder and side of the face during his outburst. I called the cops and he was arrested.

My parents get home and all their anger is towards me for getting him arrested, saying things like "You just screwed him." They said, "He may get substantial jail time because of you" and that they even said, "You're going to fix this, even if it means you pay for his lawyer and if you don't, we're done with you." Mind you, I'm 33 and he's 40. They're blaming me when he's the one who had a violent outburst.

I need advice as what to do from here.

[jerseyj]

Your parents are enabling your older brother. You are not responsible for your brothers aberrant behaviour and if your parents want to be responsible for him that is their choice.

Try to distance yourself a little from their dysfunctional and damaging relationship.

[greatblueheron]

Originally Posted by jerseyj

Your parents are enabling your older brother. You are not responsible for your brothers aberrant behaviour and if your parents want to be responsible for him that is their choice.

Try to distance yourself a little from their dysfunctional and damaging relationship.

Sorry OP, you had to deal with that from your brother. I agree with jerseyj....obviously they are in denial of his real mental and physical status. But has he actually been diagnosed with a mental illness? Some street drugs cause paranoia etc....that might be the main problem he is up against.

Yes, until they can accept his problems, you might need to keep your distance from your family.

Is there not someone else in the extended family that can see these issues more clearly than your parents??
An aunt etc you could share your thoughts with...?

[Parnassia]

So sorry, OP! The ironically sad thing is, your action might be the catalyst for actually getting him the help he needs. The very thing your parents were NOT doing. Given enough time they might end up in the same shoes someday. You were right not to permit his physical assault. No doubts about that at all. I can't claim to have ever been in your place, but know you are not responsible for "fixing this". Part of your parents' anger could be shame that they haven't done what needed to be done; can't bear facing this problem now that it has been made miserably and publicly obvious. You have forced this into the open and they are angry about that.

I think I agree that distancing yourself and getting support from other family is a good idea. Don't let your parents make you feel responsible. You are not.

[jonesg]

Originally Posted by jerseyj

Your parents are enabling your older brother. You are not responsible for your brothers aberrant behaviour and if your parents want to be responsible for him that is their choice.

Try to distance yourself a little from their dysfunctional and damaging relationship.

This guy gets it.