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i'm a bit concerned you don't seem all that thrilled with your current therapist.
" but truthfully, I never felt as if any therapist really understood the gravity or severity of my problems. Too often they would act as if my problems were really not that bad and that my depression was just a minor nuisance, something to be worked through and endured."
it's just another slog thru the clogs isn't it? i mean, it can be so hard hard hard to find the therapist who truly "gets it"!!!!!!
i swear, sometimes i've had therapists who NEVER said anything for 10 sessions in a row for goodness sakes and felt like i was keeping them from an exciting date with their own blankey and pillow
well............................... is it time to strap on the stilts to keep you from being mired under the clotted clogs suffocating you from your own therapist? I think it's really really important that you find someone who truly does "get YOU"....and doesn't yawn their way thru each session......
also, i'm gonna post a new thread right after this about the drugs that can be interfering with our recovery....it's totally new research that if you are on at least two or three of these types of drugs, in combination they might be working against each other. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-...use-depression
good luck!!!!! keep us posted.... oh, i also like to reference NAMI.org as a resource for local mental health solutions or even United Way 211 phone line for local resources
Thank you for your response. I typed out my initial post yesterday when I was feeling extremely bad, so I made it longer and probably more winded than it needed to be. I did see my therapist again yesterday (after contacting her on short notice and asking if I could come in to see her), and this time I think she understood more fully how depressed I really am. She actually seemed more receptive this time and showed more concern about my state than she has in the past. She asked if I were suicidal and stated to please call her if I ever felt that way. She also wants me to get on medication and possibly try group therapy. I do, however, have a hang-up about being on psychiatric drugs -- the main issue is that I don't completely trust the safety of these drugs, and I fear any potential long-term health ramifications that may arise from taking these medications for lengthy time periods. But I may have no choice but to relent and seek drug therapy as I have been unsuccessful managing my depression on my own.
But my current therapist is a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, so I will have to see a psychiatrist if I choose to go the medication route.
Again, thank you for your response and insight.
To clarify, therapy and psychiatric medicine are not really alternatives, rather they are complementary. You should do both in parallel based on your description. One treats the symptoms, the other aims to treat the cause and reduce the extent and frequency of depression by changing the conscious and subconscious paths that lead to it, exacerbate it or precipitate it.
In general, its harder to find a good therapist than a good psychiatrist. But don't be afraid to change therapists - you want one that makes you work. Therapy is often hard - when you leave a sessions and feel like you've just exited the mental gym - that's a good sign.
i'm a bit concerned you don't seem all that thrilled with your current therapist.
" but truthfully, I never felt as if any therapist really understood the gravity or severity of my problems. Too often they would act as if my problems were really not that bad and that my depression was just a minor nuisance, something to be worked through and endured."
it's just another slog thru the clogs isn't it? i mean, it can be so hard hard hard to find the therapist who truly "gets it"!!!!!!
i swear, sometimes i've had therapists who NEVER said anything for 10 sessions in a row for goodness sakes and felt like i was keeping them from an exciting date with their own blankey and pillow
well............................... is it time to strap on the stilts to keep you from being mired under the clotted clogs suffocating you from your own therapist? I think it's really really important that you find someone who truly does "get YOU"....and doesn't yawn their way thru each session......
also, i'm gonna post a new thread right after this about the drugs that can be interfering with our recovery....it's totally new research that if you are on at least two or three of these types of drugs, in combination they might be working against each other. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-...use-depression
good luck!!!!! keep us posted.... oh, i also like to reference NAMI.org as a resource for local mental health solutions or even United Way 211 phone line for local resources
Thank you for your response and input -- I appreciate your detailed reply!
Yes, this has been an agonizingly long journey and one that has not been enjoyable in the least. Looking back, I should have been more proactive with seeking help earlier in life, back when my social anxiety disorder issues and depression were in their beginning stages. But I became overwhelmed and exhausted after a while and simply let things slide (after seeing a few therapists initially). And because my relationship with my immediate family has always been a bit strained, I didn't have the family support and oversight that many other young people have and had (and that made it easier for me to fall through the cracks and suffer in silence, so to speak).
But in early 2015, I did return to therapy (and I've been in therapy since then), but I feel as if I have not really been taken seriously. I go into these therapy sessions and I describe in great detail how depressed I really am and how much trouble I have navigating day-to-day life and yet the therapists don't seen too concerned. I get the feeling that I would have to show up in the therapists office holding a knife to my throat or a gun to my head for them to take me and my problems seriously. I've never been that depressed to think of doing something extreme like that, but things do get pretty bad, and it's frustrating to think that even when I do reach out for professional help that I'm just not taken seriously.
Unfortunately for me, my chronic pain condition (related to my childhood hip surgeries) adds a tremendous amount of fuel to my depressed state, and no therapist or psychiatrist can help me with the physical side of things, and I'm fully aware of that. So, I realize that a huge chunk of what is fueling my overall misery is something that can only be fixed by an orthopedic surgeon (and I have plans to proceed with hip surgery later this year -- I'm hoping that will alleviate much of what is tormenting me). But until then, I basically have to just continue to plow ahead.
I have also thought of possibly exploring hypnosis or even ECT therapy, but I have only casually thought about it. My current therapist gave me a few names of local hypnotherapists, and she also recommends that I try group therapy, which I may pursue. I would love to manage things holistically and not have to resort to using pharmacological therapy to treat my depression, but I may relent and move forward with taking prescription SSRIs. I actually have a prescription for Zoloft (which I obtained earlier this year from my primary care doctor) but I haven't touched the medication; it's still sitting on my nightstand.
Well, again, I say thank you for responding to my post and offering your insight and tips regarding my situation. I do appreciate it!
Thank you for your response and input -- I appreciate your detailed reply!
Yes, this has been an agonizingly long journey and one that has not been enjoyable in the least. Looking back, I should have been more proactive with seeking help earlier in life, back when my social anxiety disorder issues and depression were in their beginning stages. But I became overwhelmed and exhausted after a while and simply let things slide (after seeing a few therapists initially). And because my relationship with my immediate family has always been a bit strained, I didn't have the family support and oversight that many other young people have and had (and that made it easier for me to fall through the cracks and suffer in silence, so to speak).
But in early 2015, I did return to therapy (and I've been in therapy since then), but I feel as if I have not really been taken seriously. I go into these therapy sessions and I describe in great detail how depressed I really am and how much trouble I have navigating day-to-day life and yet the therapists don't seen too concerned. I get the feeling that I would have to show up in the therapists office holding a knife to my throat or a gun to my head for them to take me and my problems seriously. I've never been that depressed to think of doing something extreme like that, but things do get pretty bad, and it's frustrating to think that even when I do reach out for professional help that I'm just not taken seriously.
Unfortunately for me, my chronic pain condition (related to my childhood hip surgeries) adds a tremendous amount of fuel to my depressed state, and no therapist or psychiatrist can help me with the physical side of things, and I'm fully aware of that. So, I realize that a huge chunk of what is fueling my overall misery is something that can only be fixed by an orthopedic surgeon (and I have plans to proceed with hip surgery later this year -- I'm hoping that will alleviate much of what is tormenting me). But until then, I basically have to just continue to plow ahead.
I have also thought of possibly exploring hypnosis or even ECT therapy, but I have only casually thought about it. My current therapist gave me a few names of local hypnotherapists, and she also recommends that I try group therapy, which I may pursue. I would love to manage things holistically and not have to resort to using pharmacological therapy to treat my depression, but I may relent and move forward with taking prescription SSRIs. I actually have a prescription for Zoloft (which I obtained earlier this year from my primary care doctor) but I haven't touched the medication; it's still sitting on my nightstand.
Well, again, I say thank you for responding to my post and offering your insight and tips regarding my situation. I do appreciate it!
If you haven't tried meds, give it a shot. The chances it works is slim, but it just might. Go see a psychiatrist.
Thank you for your recommendations -- I appreciate it! I did seek treatment at age 18/19 when I first started having problems, and I was prescribed and took a few different antidepressants over the next several years. And while the anti-depressants helped, I still had major problems coping with life in general. I still had the avoidance centered around the social anxiety, and while the depression improved while on the medication, it never went away. I did receive a diagnosis of Social Anxiety Disorder by at least one psychiatrist (and I believe he was the first one to prescribe an antidepressant). But it pains me to say that I never really got going with living since that point in time; the last few decades have been almost like a blur in that they were so dreary and mundane and devoid of any real living. Looking back I should have been much more forceful with seeking therapy early on.
Much of what you described here regarding maladaptation and developmental delays fits me to a T. It feels very strange to be 43 and yet be so socially and developmentally delayed. It's actually embarrassing and makes me feel ashamed; it also compels me to not want to put myself "out there" because I know how far behind I am relative to the average person, and I know that at some point, I'm going to have to open up and share more about myself and my life to other people (if I desire more of a social life), and the prospect of doing that scares me a bit.
But again, thank you for your response. I do have good insurance thankfully (Blue Cross PPO), so I have many options available to me. But after being in therapy for most of the last 3.5 years and not realizing much benefit, it makes me leery about continuing to find therapists who may be more receptive or understanding to my situation (mainly regarding the depression -- as the depression is very to hard shoulder and makes life very unpleasant).
I don't work a real job and haven't worked a "real job" in several years. I do have a modest nest egg saved up and I earn enough money to keep afloat by house-sitting and pet-sitting and dog walking for local families, so I am at least functional. But for the most part, all I am doing is keeping my head above water -- I'm not making any real progress towards any type of future goal.
I understand your reluctance to put yourself out there with inadequate social/coping skills and consequently no self confidence.
Medications certainly can be helpful but they do not and will not provide you with the skills one needs to function successfully in a social/work environment.
Therapists can lead you in the right direction but sharing your experiences and feelings with others who suffer similarly has great therapeutic advantage. Group therapy can provide you with shared feedback and quite frankly it becomes a "social group". So you not only get feedback and support in a non judgmental situation and you get to participate in a social activity.
Just a note: I had asked "Are you opposed to positive ideas?" and you completely ignored the question - which indicates you ARE opposed to positive ideas.
This could be why you are so depressed.
If you keep focusing on the negative, it will expand. It's a law of the universe. You might want to look into that if you would like to feel better. Everyone is capable of feeling better because feelings are influenced by thought and you can always think more positive (feeling better) thoughts.
Having gone to therpapists I have concluded they were all pretty screwed up themselves. A therapist can offer some suggestions, but if they dont take within a month or so, logically, what can they actually do for you? They can't cure you, they can't change your life for you, they can't erase your past or predict your future. They get paid to listen but whatever wisdom they can impart is generally imparted in the first few visits.
A few people have suggested group therapy. My cousin met her future husband in group therapy and they have been married for close to 50 years. As other posters have said, it offers a safe environment to share and socialize. Seems like it would be worth a try.
The other thing I would say is there are things you have to be grateful for, so be grateful for them. Think of what you have instead of what you don't have. You may be exactly where you should be. Look at it that way. Look at the glass half full instead of half empty. Sure they are platitudes but they are true. The way you look at things is the biggest factor in how they effect you positively or negatively. Give up labeling yourself and your past. It's a dead past that does you no good. Reliving your story keeps you stuck to it. Live in the present. You are you. Be yourself. Do the best you can with what you have. Don't judge yourself by what you think others have that you don't.
Having had incidents of serious depression, I found meds to help in the short term but not in the long term. My medication of choice was alcohol, but you have to know when to cut back. Serious depression is different than panic attacks or being scared or just miserable. Serious depression is when food has no taste and you lose 20 lbs in a few weeks, the TV set is a box of colors and noises that don't penetrate your brain, and nothing gets you interested or out of the deep dark black pit you live in. Pills or alcohol didn't help. What got me out of bed was my wife telling me to get out of bed and get back to work or she would have me committed that day. The only thing that got rid of my depression was accepting I might never get out of it but deciding to go through the motions, go to work, pay the bills, eat, sleep. When I stopped fighting my depression, stopped wanting to feel normal, just accepted it, it evaporated within a few months.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnthonyJ34
Hello,
As a long-time major depression sufferer I could use a little advice. My case is a bit complex, and I don't want to complicate matters by going into too much detail, so I will try to keep it concise.
I've been depressed for about 25 years now (I'm 43), and over the last several years my depression has gotten worse. My depression started as a result of a social anxiety disorder problem that I developed in my late teenage years, and both problems (the anxiety and the depression) co-existed and evolved over the years, with the depression soon becoming the worst aspect. And because of both problems, I did not function very well socially and did not live a very "normal" life growing up. I didn't date or have girlfriends, I didn't have many friends, and I lived a very isolated, disengaged life. I eventually withdrew more and more from life to the point where I couldn't finish college (after trying to attend several different times) and found it hard to hold down a job. I soon fell into a pattern of simply existing each day and going through the motions and doing just enough to keep my head above water, but doing little else. I was not really living and was definitely not enjoying life.
I also had (and have) a chronic pain condition that negatively impacts me emotionally and psychologically and that greatly exacerbates my depression and anxiety. This chronic pain condition is due to a childhood hip problem for which I had surgery at age 13. Unfortunately, my hips didn't heal very well and I was left with residual hip problems that, over time, became progressively worse, to the point where, now, at age 43, my right hip needs to be replaced, and my left hip will probably need replacing within the next five years or so. But all through my late teens, 20s, and 30s my hips were always a problem; I always had residual pain and stiffness due to my hip issues, and I never felt 100% physically normal; thus, I always felt "compromised" or "damaged" physically, which combined with my depression/anxiety issues to create a very hellish day-to-day life experience, one that has persisted up to the present time.
Overall, because of these issues, I have basically spent my entire life floundering and sputtering and not really living or functioning well at all. And this realization hurts me very deeply because I know much of my potential, ability, and talent were squandered and wasted because of how poorly I felt as a human being. It makes me sick to think about how little I've been able to do in life and about how badly I feel on a day-to-day basis. I truly feel like a loser.
But I have tried therapy over the years (psychologists) and am currently seeing one now, but truthfully, I never felt as if any therapist really understood the gravity or severity of my problems. Too often they would act as if my problems were really not that bad and that my depression was just a minor nuisance, something to be worked through and endured. I would often go into great detail describing how troubled I was and how depressed I was and how much trouble I was having navigating day-to-day life -- only to be met with a polite smile and nod and a forced "Oh, everything will be alright" response. It was and is frustrating. I can honestly understand now how so many depression sufferers routinely fall through the cracks and end up committing suicide or having a nervous breakdown -- it's so very easy for a sufferer to get overlooked or not taken seriously! Many seriously broken people go to therapy and probably get treated with a pat on the back and pep talk (and maybe a prescription) and then sent on their way to sort out their problems.
Sorry for this long post though. My situation is very complex and hard to describe, so I felt compelled to add much detail. But at the end of the day, I think my question is this:
What should I do or how should I proceed in terms of finding other or different treatment options? Because like I said, my experience thus far with mental health professionals has not been very positive. I reached out several times because I was (and am) in pain, but each time I was met with seeming indifference. I truly feel alone and almost helpless, and living day-to-day in such a depressed state is disgusting. I'm not sure if I should be more demanding or if I should make more noise in terms of asking for help -- but thus far I don't feel as if I have been taken seriously.
I would appreciate any feedback or tips or guidance from anyone here who might have a bit of insight into my situation.
....I go into these therapy sessions and I describe in great detail how depressed I really am and how much trouble I have navigating day-to-day life and yet the therapists don't seen too concerned. I get the feeling that I would have to show up in the therapists office holding a knife to my throat or a gun to my head for them to take me and my problems seriously. I've never been that depressed to think of doing something extreme like that, but things do get pretty bad, and it's frustrating to think that even when I do reach out for professional help that I'm just not taken seriously.
What exactly do you want the therapists to do for you? (Yeah, I know, if there was an easy answer to this, no one would be depressed.)
Just a note: I had asked "Are you opposed to positive ideas?" and you completely ignored the question - which indicates you ARE opposed to positive ideas.
This could be why you are so depressed.
If you keep focusing on the negative, it will expand. It's a law of the universe. You might want to look into that if you would like to feel better. Everyone is capable of feeling better because feelings are influenced by thought and you can always think more positive (feeling better) thoughts.
FYI
Thank you for your initial response and this subsequent response. I didn't necessarily ignore your initial question, but I didn't jump at answering it right away, either, mainly because I wanted to address some of the other responses that more closely answered or addressed my initial questions, at least in terms of the day-to-day impacts of being severely depressed while feeling as if I was not being adequately understood by my therapist. I sometimes feel as if I am nearing a crisis mode, and in those instances, trying to focus on simply "thinking more positively" rings somewhat hollow, even though it is sound advice for sure.
But you raised good points. I do spend an inordinate amount of time thinking negatively, and I often feel awash in just an overall negative, morbid reality. And I know that the only way to actively change that reality is by changing my thinking, my thought patterns. I've become very adept at thinking negatively over the years, and I know that I have to change that if I want to improve and feel better.
What exactly do you want the therapists to do for you? (Yeah, I know, if there was an easy answer to this, no one would be depressed.)
Good question. I really don't have a concrete answer though. I just want help, and I want to get better, because I'm tired of struggling for so many years and missing out on actually living. I do realize, however, that no therapist or psychiatrist or psychologist can actually "fix me" or my life, so I know that I can't expect any miracle treatment. In my case, I simply feel overwhelmed and exhausted at times from having lived this way for so long, and in some of my darker moments, I simply do what feels natural and that is to reach out for help. Maybe the help that I have received thus far has been adequate though, and maybe I am expecting too much from therapy. I do know that my living situation along with my chronic pain condition and social isolation exacerbates this whole situation, and I know that if I could improve one of those variables, then I likely wouldn't feel so isolated, alone, and adrift.
Again, thank you for your input. I do appreciate it.
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