Awkwardness of mental dysfunction (deal, feeling, child, parent)

[aileesic]

I can accept the illness but not bad vibes that I give off whenever I'm around people. I've talked in other posts about my childhood being mostly lived in a very sheltered environment - kept at home, mainly within the four walls of my bedroom, never really feeling connected to my parents or anyone else outside those walls.
My mom wasn't very supportive. She had her own issues but was especially critical of me because I didn't turn out with looks, smarts, or personality. I was often told that I didn't look right and didn't know how to do anything. She would not even let me help around the house other than washing dishes and an occasional vacuuming. This was because every time she tried giving me a chance to do something, such as using the washer or baking something in the oven, she would say I was doing it wrong and messing things up. No matter how many times she showed me, I would somehow end up doing it wrong. So I grew up not learning the most basic things about life and living. This includes casual conversation because my folks hardly ever spoke to each other and rarely to me unless asking me to take the trash out (at least I could handle that) or yes, wash the dishes.

So early on, people were not on my side, and because of that, I found things to do that took me away from having to deal with people, and it is that which messed me up for life.
For me, the hardest part of trying to survive with mental challenges is that I just don't understand social interaction and tend to look bored around other people because I'm not following along at the same speed or level as everyone else and I realize it, but nothing I can do other than be myself, and that tends to fall into awkwardness and failure to correlate much with others as well. I just don't know if anyone truly understands how a person can end up in life the way I have, but this is some of the reason.