Social Life Advice for Twin Cities Family (transplants, houses)

[VALT]

Hello! We moved to a "nice neighborhood" in st paul a year ago now, and I feel it is necessary to query folks who have succeeded in making social contacts how they went about getting invitations to people's homes, camping trips, ski outings, visits to the park, barbecues, playdates for the kids and all the things we used to do in our old home.

There are some natural disadvantages to the twin cities for the above compared to where we used to live:

1) work ethic here seems stronger than other places
2) kids and schools are spread out
3) it is a city - yikes! - but it doesn't feel like one
4) city government neighborhood groups do not exist at the local level or maybe it does exist in spades, it's just too spread out for me to notice (we did have a knock at the door from (1) candidate who was well received
5) churches have been beaten down
6) people are too nice (go figure)

I'm sure there's more we're up against, and would like your advice, so I and anyone else considering living in the area can sat "bring it on."

- VALT

[Citykid3785]

I won't make this another MN (n)ice thread, but will say that I do empathize with you. The hard answer to hear is that it takes 3-5x as long to get to that place with people here,.....but it can happen. It does happen, but so slowly. We are very extroverted, and there's not a silver bullet for how we have just started to cultivate relationships with our neighbors. It does appear to be a bunch of small wins that just have to add up over the years. Each neighbor we met was through a different means, and many still fall back into just closing their garage door the second they get home....sad. At a minimum, start with the ones that are transplants themselves, they seem more open to developing relationships.

Sorry I have no silver bullet to offer, mostly just empathy on this one.

[VALT]

Thank you for the responses so far, but I am torn between them.

On the one hand, the challenge is "out there" bred into Minnesotans by the harsh winters and many hours spent alone at the helm of dogs sleds battling the forces of nature (maybe that is why there are so many dogs in our neighborhood). They just don't need other people like I do.

Looking at from the second and third perspective, the problem is inside, and it is up to me to up my game.

I'm willing to go with the second, as there is obviously nothing to do if it is the first. I have young children. It will break my heart if they do not make more connections - soon!! The tween is doing fine working her phone, but my son is in kindergarten and largely a fish out of water. He is used to rushing the door of neighbors. Any ideas?? Keep em coming! Thanks!!

[VALT]

Right, all is not lost - he is resourceful and trades pokemon cards which has turned out to be an in with many kids. I highly recommend them.

It still does not get him invited to kids houses and that is what I am asking about. What has worked for you here - in Minnesota?

[Glenfield]

Originally Posted by VALT

Right, all is not lost - he is resourceful and trades pokemon cards which has turned out to be an in with many kids. I highly recommend them.

It still does not get him invited to kids houses and that is what I am asking about. What has worked for you here - in Minnesota?

Invite the kids to your house. When you call to extend the invitation, ask mom to stay for some coffee.

[Atalanta]

We are what we do | Meetup

It is NOT a dating site.
Groups and people meet up with common interests in your area
ie: biking, chess, sports, dining, boating , hobbies, music,kids activities and more.
You can even create your own meet up group

[VALT]

Meetups could be good, but I think that they may lack the commitment I'd be looking for...definitely worth a try. I was thinking back this morning to the YMCA's Indian Guides program I used to do as a kid (before it became the wrong thing to do for advancing stereotypes).

We'd meet in tribes of 12 or so dad's and sons regularly, do activities and then have these cool sleep away pow-wows at YMCA camps where we all got to make and carry torches to the bonfire where skits were performed. Maybe the YMCA could/should do more to connect families...

[Justabitoff]

People who are established are less inclined to make the first move because, frankly, they don't need to. If you / your son want friends, you need to go get them. They aren't going to just show up.

[Minntoaz]

Move to the burbs.

[VALT]

The fact that so many that grew up here do not think there is a problem, proves that there is a problem, because they do not go out of their way to include others (even newcomers with signs on their backs). My boy's mortifying first moments of school just passed and the teacher just said "sit anywhere"...well of course, the Minnesotans all bunched up in the center circle and the rest of us were standing on the outer rings and the teacher stood there smiling for 5 minutes!

No there's no problem here!! You folks just stand and squirm while we enjoy ourselves!

There outta be a law against this in my view.