How will the "Minnesota Nice" receive those that aren't? (Minneapolis: new home, elementary school)

[5cleves]

Ok, so I get that there is some cultural thing going on that has been dubbed "Minnesota Nice" (and I've already read the denials and justifications) but what I want to know is this: 1) how will this impact my children's ability to make close friends when we move there or is it just adults? and 2) how will I be taken because I am a straight forward talkers who's known by her friends as someone who will say it like it is and give my opinion when appropriate? I am not rude by any means but I feel it is a waste of time to not say what you mean. Are Minnesotans uncomfortable with people that are not "Minnesota nice" but just nice and honest?

[uptown_urbanist]

If you've read the posts already you probably realize that this is a loaded question and will get you biased answers from everyone based on their own personal experiences. Still, that said, I'm a native Minnesotan and have no problem with people who are honest, as long as they express themselves in a polite way. I hate it when people wiggle around and refuse to say what they really think. So no, that wouldn't bother me. Take that for what it's worth.

On the friend issue: I can't imagine that it would possibly be an issue for your kids. I was born and raised in Minneapolis, but met new friends throughout my childhood. Some were from the state, some weren't. My husband moved to Minnesota when he was in elementary school, and had no problems. I think the problem for adults is mostly just that other adults are busy with life and aren't actively seeking out new friends. Kids don't have that problem. One of the big complaints people have is that too many Minnesotans are only friends from the people they met in childhood; I think that's a very broad and incorrect generalization (at least from my experience in Minneapolis), but even if it is true wherever you end up living, your kids will at least be in prime friend-making years and can establish a childhood friend network of their own.

[west336]

Maybe a more blunt (non-"Minnesota Nice") answer is that it could be more difficult here than in some other places, but I will say it completely depends where you are talking about. The more monocentric the place the more people trend towards that "Minnesota Nice" passive-aggressive BS that you hear so much about. It's not even city by city as much as culture by culture. But I'm a firm believer that if you have self esteem and you respect yourself and can be who YOU are, people will respect you no matter where you live or who you are. I, like you, cannot stand that and now that I'm a grown a$$ man I take pride in telling people exactly what I think.

[StilltheSame]

Your kids will make friends quickly and some people will appreciate your personality - your circumstances sound alot like mine and we are all doing fine and enjoying our new home.

[MN55]

Kids will have no problem making friends no matter where you are in the state.

[sandyrn0224]

I don't really get why this question is even an issue for you. Are you so blunt and up front that you don't take a person's feelings into consideration? Do you consider your surroundings before voicing your opinion? Do you embarrass someone just to make your point?

I moved to Mpls/St. Paul (Eagan) from Atlanta back in 1995. Everyone was so kind, so welcoming that I can't IMAGINE in my wildest dreams ever offending anyone because I felt the need to be "blunt". (unless I'm on C/D LOL) Of course, there are always rotten apples in the bunch and there were rude people, but they were the minority. The only time I EVER had a problem was when I was driving in my first REAL snowstorm....with a Georgia tag....driving in 2nd gear going down the highway because I was terrified to go any faster. Only then did I experience an attitude, and probably because I was driving like the Southerner I am! LOL

Really...I just don't get it. I don't understand why this is so important to you? Just seems like if I have something to say there is ALWAYS a way to say it without hurting someone or ticking them off...and if there isn't a way around those things, I would either keep my mouth shut or state my opinion when I was certain there was little chance to offend someone.

Doesn't seem like it really matters where one lives....common sense and manners are universal...right?

As for your child, I would hope he/she also has manners/courtesy/common sense. I would think most kids would make friends relatively easily unless the kid is just downright rude or hateful. Otherwise I think it would be just like moving anywhere else in the US.

I'm back in the south again, only lived there 13 months as I couldn't take the cold, but I'll just take this opportunity to say that y'all have are one of the nicest places I've ever lived---IF it wasn't so cold. LOL It's beautiful there...friendly people...nice communities.

[acrylic]

The way I see it is - If you're rude and mean, you won't really get anywhere, and that's a given in any city in the world.

I mean, in what situations are you so blunt? Are you like that in an argument-type situation, or are you like that to a clerk standing behind a counter or a stranger on the street?

All I know is, I hate rude people. I've held doors open for people and not even a thank you, and my only vocalization to them was "You're welcome, a-hole."

See, Minnesotans can be blunt too

[5cleves]

Why is this a "loaded question"? Of course I expect each responder to be "biased" by their own experiences and with that I prepare myself but keep an open mind. But I don't get the emotion behind some of these responses. Deny it or not, this "minnesota nice" thing has been noticed by enough, not all, but enough people for any smart person who will be moving there to at least consider it might be a factor. While telling my distraught children that it'll be ok, they'll make new friends, it would be impossible to not think about all the posts I've read from people who found it hard to do so. And while I have seen lots written on how natives aren't "blunt" I haven't read anything on how someone who is blunt will be received. Just because I said that I feel it's a waste of time to not say what I mean doesn't mean I am "rude and mean". Just mentioning it has set some off. Perhaps my question was too blunt--and that answers my question....

I get the justifiable state pride but please don't be so shocked when someone who has legitimate concerns asks about them. Maybe I'll find that the "Minnesota nice" thing is completely false. Maybe I wont. But it is fair for me to do my research. I have lived in enough parts of this country to know that there will be cultural differences (and relax, this one isn't that horrible in the grand scheme of things). Understanding them makes transition easier.

[uptown_urbanist]

Why is it a loaded question? I think you've already answered your own question: because there are lots of threads on this topic, with some conversations getting quite heated, and obviously no one can agree. Opinions don't even break down evenly between people who were born and raised in MN versus those who weren't.

I think you have a valid question, but if you spend some time reading the previous threads you'll see why this gets people emotional. It gets old to read posts that portray all Minnesotans as essentially cold, heartless, boring hicks who have never gone beyond ten miles of where they were born and won't talk to you if you didn't first meet at age two (and presumably those who are from elsewhere but have successfully made local friends get annoyed at hearing that all newcomers are automatically guaranteed a life of isolation and loneliness). I'm not saying that's what you're suggesting, but if people are getting riled up it's because of the many past threads that keep beating variations of this topic to death.

I can't imagine that you and your kids would have problems, but then again, from these threads it's also clear that experiences vary widely. But given that the Twin Cities have several million residents, it's not like there won't be plenty of potential friends out there. And yes, your kids will make new friends.

[LaceyEx]

We moved here from NYC/NJ area almost 5 years ago. I have not encountered anyone who was not overly pleasant and friendly. How you are received is how you are perceived.