Tired of people telling me to not move to Keene (Durham: house, neighborhoods)

[Katlakat]

Hey Suzet. For all of the times that my friends and family had a major cow about moving, not only did I get the usual (stay put for pete's sake!/You're so stupid to leave a great job!/What the hell is wrong with you?/you're gonna miss so&so's wedding because you'll never have the money to come back....) Like tarastomsgirl, I got "see ya in a year, if you're not flat broke".

Now, by the time I arrived excited at my destination, guess what? Everything they had said, actually happened.

BUT! Do you know why I believe it did? Because I carried that negative bull-@#$% with me to a brand new place, and let it stew around in my little head. I brought it with me, I let it fester like a boil, and it made me sick. And, OF COURSE IT CAME TO PASS. I allowed the journey to end up as they wanted-because I never gave myself a chance to let good things come my way. I was actually seeking support from people. Why? Later I realized that it was because I didn't have the support within myself. I didn't believe (even before I ever left) that I could do it. so I wanted affirmation from others, of which it didn't come. I got slammed sideways by them. I left anyways fully motivated, but I had left my heart back there. I forgot to bring it with me. Boy did I learn not to do that again.

so, they turned out right, and I ended up in a place we won't discuss here. But, I didn't give up. I learned how to "tune" out those Naysayers as ya'll called them; and kept on truckin'.

Today; after two horrible moves, I didn't tell a single soul where I was really headed, except all of you. Its no one's business. And, my family found out because I told two people to help track my journey. POSITIVE people in my family. Friends found out later.

Beautiful move. The best decision I have made so far beside marrying my best friend. Step one, do this for YOU. Step two, do this for your family, step three, do it with your heart and soul as you would a marriage proposal.

My advice to you: If this move to Keene feels good, if it makes you crack a big ol' smile, if you get giddy, if you feel in your BONES that this is what you truly want?

To hell with them. GO FOR IT! This is your life, and you know you wanna make it as exciting and memorable as you possibly can.

I have two sets of couples, friends of ours who told us to never leave Texas, coming next year to visit us. They can't stop spreading the news about our view of mountains. Something they have only seen on television. People like us who pack up and pioneer across america have guts because we do stuff that scares the crap out of some people. And it doesn't always go smooth; but look for that silver lining. There is a reason you are "called" to a certain place, and I know how it is to live with the regret of "what if". And when they get here, I won't say a single word about the millions of e-mails slamming my decision into mud; I'll just take them out into our beautiful yard, show them the view, and smile. Because they will see for themselves every reason I wanted to go "home".

What if you didn't travel and take your family to a whole new era in your life? Which would you rather live with?

[skytrekker]

My 2 cents worth Suzet

Down here in southern New England we have Californians inquiring about CT ,RI and Mass. Some have moved, others in the process. You will not be alone.

Peruse some of these states-might be an interesting read for you.

CT is different then most of NH-though southern NH (Not Keene) is taking on a more southern New England type of landscape.

Southern New England & Northern New England have long been different; one more rural and sparsely populated (Northern NE) While southern New England more urban (it has the 6 state regions largest metro areas)

Cultural shock is something people from Ohio, Iowa, and the Midwest experience at least here in southern New England. Nonetheless less the six state region despite some differences remains a cultural cohesive geographic region tied together by a long history, its unique house form & culture , culinary habits and traditions, and geographic isolation from the rest of the nation (it sort of juts out in the ocean-which lies to the south and east) The ocean also has played an important element of the region economy and culture.

New England is the closest geographic region to Europe of all the states- and the traditions here tend to reflect this closeness to the 'old world'.

All of New England is a great place to live. It is right for you to listen, evaluate and gather more information before you make this move.

[rmcewan]

Suff em.

Everyone in SoCal immediately asked me if I knew how cold it got up there (here). By the end I would just pick any one of these:

(a) Do you know how hot it gets down here?
(b) 10 times the land and two times the house for the same price ($750K for 1500sq ft and 0.14 acres!!!!!)
(c) Name the last night you didn't hear sirens, gunfire, or screeching tires.
(d) I look better in a coat than a thong!

[kelleybell00]

LOL! I love d! If you don't mind I have to use that one!

[Idunn]

Hey, that is a great idea, and I wish you and your family luck on your move.


Satisfied? I do mean it, although I have the impression you've never visited New England. I visited Keene briefly and it is beautiful, in many respects the very postcard you are dreaming of. Probably also doesn't hurt that it is the regional hub of commerce in southwest New Hampshire, so more opportunities. You may very well love it.

But it will be very different from California, and, as much as a plus as that may prove, you may not have considered all the negatives. For one, winter will be a much more important aspect of your life than it is now. Which may be great, but the reality is not just the incredible beauty of a New England village blanketed in fresh snow but also the daily issue of snow and cold.

You can successfully flee certain aspects of life, such as earthquakes and smog, but in trade you adopt others native to the area you've chosen.

There is a lot to be said for just jumping off to some place new, particularly when it is in your heart. But it is not always advisable and rarely as smooth a transition as that planned carefully for and done in increments. If you do so, just be prepared in advance for the days when you wonder what you were ever thinking.

Some of the other splendid days may more than compensate.

[RCMomto4]

My family and I just returned from a quick trip to NH--We were there to really check out different areas and job opps. As soon as we walked out of the airport (MHT) I could smell how fresh and fragrant the air was, even with the smell of jet fuel mixed in! The first day we spent around the Portsmouth area. I thought I'd really, really like it and it was nice but not what i was picturing. It definitely had an *artsy* and hip feel to it---I could see myself visiting throughout the year but didn't feel it was the place to live. We ventured into Nottingham and Northwood to see some neighborhoods that looked good on paper. I surprised myself and found the simplicity of those areas very appealing. Coming from a city with every service imaginable and over 165K people I was sure it would be too *out in the sticks* for me, but it wasn't! I found that just about a ten to fifteen minute ride on the 4 has you pretty close to Concord! Those towns had a large new home development that was very nice---Underground utilities, large lots (approx 2.5 acres) and those beautiful new england style homes. They were also set up so I could see my kids riding safely from one neighborhood to another.

We also had a tour from a RE agent in Bedford and we looked at homes in Londonderry and Bedford. I thought that these were the towns I'd be most interested in and they were very nice but I didn't get that *I'm home* feeling. They were nice and the town felt more like a mini of where I'd be coming from. They had shopping centers with all the big names close by but I did notice traffic at almost every large intersection. I'm sure if I lived there I'd find back ways to go but that's something I did notice right away--not much different from my town.

Now, saying that, there were things I noticed that I didn't see as much where I live. LOTS more smokers (I don't hate smokers, just the smell), people throwing trash out their car windows (I know people do it everywhere but I never saw it so much just driving around), but that was the only thing I was surprised at. I did see that almost everyone decorates the front of their homes with lots of mums and pumpkins! People were very friendly and nice and I LOVED hearing all the accents!!

We stayed at a hotel in Manchester right near the Verizon Arena and that place is really hoppin'! We walked around and it felt safe as we saw a lot of other people going to dinner and just being out. I liked the feel that there was a *city* to go to. I could see our family getting season tickets for the arena football and enjoying that!!

Coming home and getting out of our airport (ONT) it was just *thick* smelling and my eyes burned for about a day. I noticed I hadn't seen smog in a week and that it was so *plain* here. The only thing is that I am used to it here and it's all familiar---the schools, the shopping, the routes I take to go here and there.... I still want to move to NH but i think it will take us a little longer as I have a son that's a sophomore and I'd like to him graduate with his friends. After that my younger two can make a move in a couple years and still be young enough to enjoy it. They want to move now!!

Oh, and when we were looking at homes I noticed HUGE differences from homes here in CA. Everyone there has raised decks with no patio cover and here we have cement slabs with large patio covers. We also have fenced yards and I kept thinking what a pain it would be to have our dog out there. I know the weather isn't something that would be a big thing for me because I hate the heat so much, having cold weather and rain would be a welcome relief! CA and NH are two different worlds but if you know them and can accept them it would be a wonderful move to make!!

[bryfry]

How about saying next time:

"Oh, thanks for the info. I wasn't asking for you to change my mind, I was just letting you know that we are making a new change for my family and we will miss all of you. Try to visit us when you happen to make it east."

Then just leave it at that. Some people will always try to convince you that you are making a poor choice whether it's a dinner entree or moving. It's human nature to shy away from the unfamiliar. But, if it weren't for the pioneers in any field, we wouldn't be who we are today. Just think of yourself as a pioneer. Just because they lack the guts to do it, doesn't mean they are correct in their assessments that you shouldn't. If they continue to badger you, just change the subject to something they like. People will always want to talk about themselves. If they keep it up, check the time and make an excuse to skidaddle. People like that are bores, and you really won't miss them anyway.

[~Boo~]

Originally Posted by Suzet2262

Boo, I find it hard to prepare for quakes too. I do have my flashlight and water though. It is the emotional stuff that happends after the main quake is over....That is the hard stuff to deal with, for me anyway. Because they keep coming, one after the other, you cant calm down. I dont want to be here for the next. I agree, the final chapter isnt written until I am six feet under.

The other earthly phenomenon besides quakes is Fire Season; although, I guess it goes hand in hand with Cali's desert like conditions coupled with the Santa Anas. Oh, pooh it's annoying!

I enjoyed the positive posts you got back! And as far as culture shock, I've experienced that in more places within the state lines of Cali than in the northeast. Just have to drive an hour North or South for culture shock...maybe even just 15 minutes.

My hubby took me to NH for the first time in Spring of 1993. While in route from Mass to NH by car, I looked out the window & asked him, "What's behind all those trees?" He looked at me kinda confused & replied dryly, "More trees."

I wasn't born in Cali & don't plan to call it home for the rest of my life. I've visited many places, but none of them call to my spirit the way New Hampshire does. I've had a mental list of pros & cons on living in NH that I've carried in my mind far too long. (maybe it's time for me to put pen to paper.)

There was always one con that would make me shiver... "I can't live in the snow!" Translation - I don't want to try...then mental battle of all the voices in my head...outcome: "Why not?"

I asked my hubby about winter in NH, in a straight-forward & blunt way he says, "I'm not going to romanticize it, it's cold & you truly won't know what it's like unless you live there." Great. This coming from a man that claims his winter attire was jeans, a Levi jacket, t-shirt (most likely from a rock concert) & sneakers. He won't wear a jacket in Cali, not cold enough apparently!

I've never experienced a New England winter. Yet, once in the White Mountains in Autumn, snow flurries started without warning with some wind chill thrown in just so the Old Man in the Mountain could poke fun at the Cali girl. Sadly, shortly thereafter the Old Man came tumbling down.

That's it, I'm listing "living in the snow" as a pro.

Suzet, I can't wait for you to experience New Hampshire!

[Rexicana]

I heard all the nay-saying before we left Cali too. It was dreadful. You have to do what feels right for you.

Now, that being said, this New England native had been living in the Bay Area for over seven years and decided to return East. We *knew* we did not want to be near Boston, but my husband's job landed us there. We had lived in Western Mass and LOVED it and were desperate to find something like that. For months I was upset and wishing we had rented out our Cali house so that we could return to it (you know how easy it is to sell a house there and how hard it is to get back into the housing market). I missed California and I wanted to go back. My husband did not and we needed to look further for something we really wanted.

We finally decided to move to New Hampshire and LOVE it. My kids are happy, we are happy, all is good. It is a LONG commute for my husband, but we think it is worth it.

Could you take a long trip here, even renting for a year, to see if it is your world? We would have been much less stressed if we knew it was a trial, but then perhaps we may not have found this place that feels like home. There is no *right* answer until it is right for you.

Best of luck!

[Suzet2262]

Thank you all so much for the great positive replys. It means a lot to me. I feel the same way as you all do. People are afraid to take chances, and have to be naysayers, always knock you down for having a different view of things. It isnt like we are moving to the moon as windchimes said. It is across the country..sheez. Worst case, we do have the means to move back to Cali if it is sooo awful in Keene. But I feel that when we get there, I will feel home, if that makes sense. Sometimes things in life just call for you, I think we need to find out why.

I agree Tara, everyone always talks about the "cold" that is all they really come up with. Oh you will freeze to death out there, and the sky is gray all the time. Well out here, we roast to death!! Every summer I swear I go into hybernation mode. The heat isnt for me, it makes me sick, to where I dont like to go out. I dont like it to be 99 at nine o'clock at night.

Kat I love what you said. You are right, to hell with em. This is our life and I really do want my daughter to experience another way of life. Who says you have to live and die in the same town?

Haha Rob, I love letter D. That one works for me too. You know how things are here. I read your posts to see how you and your family are adjusting, and get an idea of how a So Cali is really doing out there.

Idunn, I realize that there are good and bad in all places. Everything has a trade off. Sometimes ya gotta follow your gut and see how it plays out.

RCM, thanks for your perspective on NH. Too bad you didnt go to Keene..lol. A friend of mine lives in MA about 1 hour away from Keene, I keep trying to get him to drive up there and take pics for me and just check it out. Now he wants my family to move to MA where he is at.

Bry, I totally understand what you are saying. Most people dont like the unfamilar, but for me, that is one of the exciting parts to moving so far away. Getting to know the stores, the people, the roads, all the towns, etc....We are looking forward to that.

My Mom said to me a few weeks back, and this really bothered me, I now know what her agenda is, she told me that once I move out there, I will be "alone", she says this to me because of my panic attacks. She says what will you do when you have one, NO ONE will be there for you. What an awful thing for her to say, just to get me to stay here with her. That really hurt me and made me so mad at her. Why cant people just be happy for others. Who cares if it is something "they" might not want to do, it doesnt make it wrong that you do.

Boo, I hear ya about the fires!!! Today is a crazy day, as I sit here smelling nothing but smoke. Between the fires and the wind, my town looks like something out of a SCI-FI movie..lmao. I took all kinds of pics, I havent seen anything like this in quite awhile.