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Growing up I had a best friend who was my age and was also friends with her sister who was three years older than us. Their dad was abusive in every way possible. I remember her showing me porn when I was young and explaining sex to me because I said I wanted a baby (as a typical 8 year old who has dolls would do). I was shocked and grossed out. Come to find out her dad was raping her and her step sister. He was put in jail and they had to testify to everything. She and her brothers and sisters ended up having a hard life, drugs, pregnant at young age, etc. So if there is anyway to stop this from happening you need to do it.
This happened to this girl for a few years before he was arrested. My best friend, who managed to avoid his molestation, only did so because he called her "ugly" and made fun of her in front of the other kids and withheld food while rewarding the sister for being "good". They both spent almost all their time at my house because they were allowed to eat whenever without worrying about being beat (if even a slice of bread was missing, they would all get whipped with a belt until he found who took it). I wish I had said something earlier but I was in kindergarten/first grade and didn't understand.
I hope your son and your niece get the help they need to overcome this. Something like this can eat away at you and severely scar you for the rest of your life if not dealt with properly.
+1 to CaptainNJ's comment.
Not only is his comment logical, it describes the same pattern that I observed during the process of writing the child neglect/abuse complaints in my county.
Many victims of sexual abuse do not themselves become sexual abusers of younger children but--unfortunately--some of them do, and nobody can predict whether a victim of sexual abuse will continue this cycle with younger victims.
You and the Captain seem to miss the point of my comment. The OP intervened the boy is not at a loose end any longer he knows that this was wrong and has talked to his mother about it. He isn't going to do this to someone else. I'd bet money the kids who ended up doing it to others as this girl did, did so before a responsible adult knew what was up.
She mentioned her concern about him doing it to others several times it seemed important to me to make her aware that being overly suspicious of him is also harmful.
She is a good mother she will be able to tell if anything about his behavior goes off without having to take extra steps that might cause a problem between them.
There is a place in Hackensack that are trained professional in examining and helping children who have been sexually abused. It's called Audrey Hepburn house highly recommended. And if you don't want DYFS involved remember his teacher already has seen behavior changes and they are mandated to report child abuse or neglect. Children have a way in expressing how they feel through behavior changes, in what colors they use in coloring in so many ways that a play therapist can help. My prayers for all of you.
There is a place in Hackensack that are trained professional in examining and helping children who have been sexually abused. It's called Audrey Hepburn house highly recommended. And if you don't want DYFS involved remember his teacher already has seen behavior changes and they are mandated to report child abuse or neglect. Children have a way in expressing how they feel through behavior changes, in what colors they use in coloring in so many ways that a play therapist can help. My prayers for all of you.
Exactly I would never have anger or resentment towards the other child but I have to worry about my son being scarred and worry for the rest of his life that he doesn't do this tow other child or even as an adult....his first "experience/exposure" to something sexual at this age ...what if this stays with him forever??.and as a an adult??.we've been talking to him a lot this week about no secrets EVER!!! No touching ever adult or child or cousin, sister and so on...that it wasn't his fault or even hers...I told him she did something bad and wrong because something showed or told her this behavior and she is too young to understand it herself...what pisses me off so badly is that my sister, the mother is a hard working woman, works goes to school(almost done) so she can provide a better life for her family as she says...but her husband also seems like an ok person but when he drinks...he's awful...a different person and in her eyes no matter we have all said over the years or tried to help her he can do no wrong....he acts like he's still a teenager when I say that I don't agree with their lifestyle I mean grow up already, you have kids, stop hanging with your "boys", hanging out, always looking for an excuse to party and drink...you have kids....grow the hell up for them....but she always defends him...everything with them turns into drama and as if it's a personal attack...it's not it for the kids protection and happiness...let kids be kids, healthy, happy and safe...I know I did the right thing by reporting and letting them know...but here comes the drama and misery and retaliation instead of thank you let me see what's wrong with our kid, our situation, how can we stop and correct this. I have already been outcastes and blamed in my family for doing what I felt was the right thing to do to help and protect my son first and my niece...but I don't care, I'll deal with it as it comes...I just want to stop this now and start the healing before worse things happen...honestly, I think this is something that just started within the. Last few month because my son started acting strange 3 weeks ago and my niece has never done this...and my sister just started working again a few weeks before that. Prior to that she was always with her kids and none of this behavior happened.
My fear is that he will now as an adult develop messed up tendencies towards younger ones...that why I had to get all involved...he's a good boy and now he thinks he did something wrong....I have to fix him first now.
He is 4. He will forget it before know it. Beside, I think you are just over reacted. Children are curious. As parents, our job is guide them.
By the way, don't waste your time contacting any government agency. They are no good except making your life difficult. Just put it this way, when was the last time you are happy with a government services. Simple put, they don't give a crap
tl;dr, but with kids 4 and 7 there can't be any real sexual abuse, just curious exploration. 4 and 7 year olds don't really have any sexuality, certainly not in the sense adults who've gone through puberty have (you don't really have a sexual function before puberty)
My fear is that he will now as an adult develop messed up tendencies towards younger ones...that why I had to get all involved...he's a good boy and now he thinks he did something wrong....I have to fix him first now.
You do not have to "fix him" You have already done the hardest part, gotten him to speak to you about it in detail. You have told him he did nothing wrong and you are making it possible for him to speak to you about it.
That's "it" the gold standard for any therapist.
I think you need to go to a therapist. You are going overboard in these posts. Your posts are scaring me that you may harm him in trying to "help" him when you are actually dealing with your own imaginary invented demons. You are inventing all sorts of 'what if' scenarios that are not helpful or necessary and there is no way to prevent or deal with unless any of them come true.
You cannot read minds stop trying to. If he is such a good kid why stop believing it now? Pedophilia is not magical and it is not caused by being molested. Please please please check the MaleSurvivor dot org website for the "Myths and Facts" page Male Sexual Victimization Myths & Facts | MaleSurvivor I put the link in but I suspect it may be edited. The address is malesurvivor dot org/myths.html
And get help for yourself before you stigmatise the boy.
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