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Old 07-22-2014, 05:47 PM
 
531 posts, read 2,899,011 times
Reputation: 579

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Hello, I am considering a divorce from my wife. We have been married 9 years and have 2 children, 7 and 5 years old. She is an alcoholic and suffers from depression. She has gone through outpatient treatment for alcohol and depression 3 times. I also have evidence that she has nearly cheated on me with 2 different men (text messages--she may have cheated, but the evidence I have doesn't offer proof of that).

My main question is that I've heard that the mom generally always gets custody of the kids. Is that true? Considering my wife's alcoholism and depression, is there a chance I would get custody?

Any info would be appreciated. Thanks.
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Old 07-22-2014, 06:30 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
11,344 posts, read 16,699,701 times
Reputation: 13368
Quote:
Originally Posted by usedtobeanyer View Post
Hello, I am considering a divorce from my wife. We have been married 9 years and have 2 children, 7 and 5 years old. She is an alcoholic and suffers from depression. She has gone through outpatient treatment for alcohol and depression 3 times. I also have evidence that she has nearly cheated on me with 2 different men (text messages--she may have cheated, but the evidence I have doesn't offer proof of that).

My main question is that I've heard that the mom generally always gets custody of the kids. Is that true? Considering my wife's alcoholism and depression, is there a chance I would get custody?

Any info would be appreciated. Thanks.
Get a lawyer.
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Old 07-22-2014, 06:51 PM
 
Location: Epping,NH
2,105 posts, read 6,661,915 times
Reputation: 1089
Quote:
Get a lawyer.
My first thought. why would you get legal advice that could affect your life for the foreseeable future at an open forum where your questions might be answered by a 14 year old.
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Old 07-22-2014, 07:26 PM
 
Location: New Jersey/Florida
5,818 posts, read 12,624,105 times
Reputation: 4414
Default your questions might be answered by a 14 year old.

So true, but it's free for now but will cost u later.
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Old 07-22-2014, 08:56 PM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,564 posts, read 84,755,078 times
Reputation: 115078
Quote:
Originally Posted by usedtobeanyer View Post
Hello, I am considering a divorce from my wife. We have been married 9 years and have 2 children, 7 and 5 years old. She is an alcoholic and suffers from depression. She has gone through outpatient treatment for alcohol and depression 3 times. I also have evidence that she has nearly cheated on me with 2 different men (text messages--she may have cheated, but the evidence I have doesn't offer proof of that).

My main question is that I've heard that the mom generally always gets custody of the kids. Is that true? Considering my wife's alcoholism and depression, is there a chance I would get custody?

Any info would be appreciated. Thanks.
As others have said, get a lawyer. If you want custody, then go for custody, but YOU are going to have to write down/say some very difficult things for you to say about their mother. No one is just going to glance at her and say, "Oh yeah, Alkie here, give the father the kids." You will need documentation, and if you have been taking care of an alcoholic for a while, it is not going to be an easy thing for you to do.

I suggest that in addition to a lawyer, you go to Al-Anon meetings, get a therapist, or both.
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Old 07-23-2014, 08:14 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
32,931 posts, read 36,341,370 times
Reputation: 43768
It's possible to get custody of your children. A former neighbor had custody of his three children--from two different marriages--and lived in the ex's grandparent's house, a rental property. I don't know the details.
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Old 07-23-2014, 10:18 AM
 
Location: Little Pond Farm
559 posts, read 1,356,195 times
Reputation: 507
The courts main concern is the children and if you can prove she is a unfit parent due to her illness you shouldn't have a problem. Just be cautious because lawyers LOVE high conflict divorce since they get paid by the hour. Be clear with your lawyer in what you want from the divorce during the initial meeting. DO NOT let them interview you by way of asking about debts and liabilities first off, they do so so that they know how much money they can get out of you and will try to get every single penny.

Have a conversation with your wife so that she knows your intent and why. If she is silly enough to want to fight you over it remind her that it is her dirty laundry that will be aired in public.
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Old 07-23-2014, 12:41 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania & New Jersey
1,548 posts, read 4,315,078 times
Reputation: 1769
Quote:
Originally Posted by usedtobeanyer View Post
... My main question is that I've heard that the mom generally always gets custody of the kids. Is that true? Considering my wife's alcoholism and depression, is there a chance I would get custody? Any info would be appreciated. Thanks.
"Generally always"? Which is it, generally or always?

Q) "I've heard that the mom...always gets custody of the kids. Is that true?"
A) NO, that's not true.

Q) "...is there a chance I would get custody?"
A) Yes, there is more than a chance given their mother's provable problems.

Keep it as peaceful as possible. Regardless of her problems and your differences, this is YOUR CHILDREN'S MOTHER.
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Old 07-23-2014, 02:37 PM
 
20,329 posts, read 19,918,958 times
Reputation: 13440
Like others have posted, get a lawyer.

I would add do not post anything, facts or opinions about your situation, on any web sites, going forward.
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Old 07-23-2014, 06:05 PM
 
4,286 posts, read 10,766,068 times
Reputation: 3810
Quote:
Originally Posted by usedtobeanyer View Post
Hello, I am considering a divorce from my wife. We have been married 9 years and have 2 children, 7 and 5 years old. She is an alcoholic and suffers from depression. She has gone through outpatient treatment for alcohol and depression 3 times. I also have evidence that she has nearly cheated on me with 2 different men (text messages--she may have cheated, but the evidence I have doesn't offer proof of that).

My main question is that I've heard that the mom generally always gets custody of the kids. Is that true? Considering my wife's alcoholism and depression, is there a chance I would get custody?

Any info would be appreciated. Thanks.
You should divorce this woman. You probably would get primary custody assuming you are a regular guy with a job, no criminal record, drug/alcohol problems, etc. The system is slanted towards women, but your wife sounds like a train wreck.
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