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Hello all. My wife and I are considering relocating to the Middletown/Lincroft or Holmdel area. I'd look to stay within 10 minutes or less of the 109 park and ride or the 116/PNC park and ride for commuting to NYC...preferably the PNC park and ride. So we are still exploring whether we'd go Middletown or Holmdel. We have two children ages 7 and 4.
I am originally from Western Monmouth County (Manalapan/Marlboro) but have not lived there in 20 years. So I have a general sense of the overall Monmouth community and town character, but 20 years is a long time and I have not lived and breathed it. So I'll try to explain this the best way I can in order to solicit some opinions.
We are coming from a very snooty and snobby Connecticut town where everyone moves as a pack. All of the kids do the same sports on Saturdays and if your kid doesn't want to do that sport, you get questioned about why you aren't part of the team. Everyone vacations in Nantucket for the summer. If you don't, you're viewed as being strange and/or just poor. The people move in unison, focus on their wealth, have au pairs, and discuss their 5 year old's strengths in lacrosse. In order to fit in, you need to essentially subscribe to the pressure cooker keeping up with the Jonses lifestyle, otherwise it is difficult to get along in our current town. Think of it as a cross between The Stepford Wives and Mean Girls.
So that is what we are looking to avoid. We want to go to a place with people who don't shun you if you don't vacation on Nantucket.
Can anyone describe the vibe in Middletown/Holmdel? Hopefully that makes sense. I know that all sounds strange. And the aforementioned isn't the pure reason we are looking to leave our current town. There are other factors playing in, but we want to make sure we at least don't repeat one of the mistakes we made in the past.
i grew up in manalapan/marlboro and people used to say that stuff about marlboro all the time (probably manalapan also but we moved when i was in 6th grade). its just a bunch of malcontents that havent been able to find the right group for them (if there is one) so they whine about how everyone else is just keeping up with the jones's and isnt so wonderful like them.
i live in holmdel and if you dont vacation in LBI, have a beach club membership, have a kid on the tennis or golf team then you are basically considered a skogarmaor and nobody will speak to you. also, dont be seen with anything other than a land rover or you will be pulled over by the holmdel PD and most likely shot.
The whole county is one big cesspool of that these days. It will be like leaving Newark for Paterson because of crime. And if it isn't annoying ostentations keeping-up-with-the-Joneses it is declining borderline white trash (think Keansburg type). Middletown is sorta split between the two with the north side being more in decline and tetering on the brink of that "white trash" element while the south side is like an extension of Holmdel/Colts Neck/Marlboro/Manalapan you get my drift. Sure if you're further east you're closer to the shore so you might run into more transients who moved there for either work or school, but then you have the territorial Jersey Shore locals who are super-cliquey and hate anyone that isn't from the area.
Not to mention the fact that it has gotten very very crowded over the last 20 years. You left in 2000? That was when this was just starting. They kept bulding and building and building these ridiculous houses, just plain ridiculous McMansions with lame landscaping atrocities and empty rooms inside. Meanwhile they do absolutely nothing about the roads. Route 9 is a parking lot 24/7 and it is still only 2 lanes each way with almost all at grade intersections - with bad light coordination - which is no coincidence how it widens up to 3 each way with more interchanges right at the county line as you head north. Local roads are still the same narrow 2-lane country roads that were there 50+ years ago when it was just a farming community. Nowadays expect to spend a significant amount of time sitting in traffic behind a light on these roads where it takes 3 cycles on average just to get through a light. 90% of the area still runs on contaminated well water and overflowing septic. City water and sewer is very sparse.
The absolute last place in the state of New Jersey that I would choose to live, and that is saying a lot. Just a pretentious, irritating, spread-out, soulless, desolate, territorial, fear-based McMansion-laid wasteland that caters only to a certain type of person, and I am happy to say it isn't me.
NYtoNJtoPA: that’s all well and good but I’ve noticed on other threads, you’ve never lived in Monmouth County nor do you reside there now. So I don’t know what ground you have to stand on offering your opinion as an outsider. Growing up in Sayreville is very different than any of the towns I’ve mentioned.
I understand what you’re saying about Marlboro and Manalapan. I grew up there. My parents still live there. It’s not on my list of a place I’m looking to go to. I know all about the Route 9 corridor. Notice I said I’m looking to stay by exits 109, 114, 116 on the Parkway. While I haven’t lived there in 20 years, I still visit the area on a monthly basis at the least so I have a general sense. I’m looking for someone who actually lives there now and can speak intelligently. Not just about the perceptions you had as a kid growing up 25 miles away in Middlesex County.
To quote my wife: “what I want to know is, do the women openly discuss unsolicited advice on having tummy tucks and their private parts rejuvenated with plastic surgery because that’s what I’m dealing with here in Connecticut?!?!”
The whole county is one big cesspool of that these days. It will be like leaving Newark for Paterson because of crime. And if it isn't annoying ostentations keeping-up-with-the-Joneses it is declining borderline white trash (think Keansburg type). Middletown is sorta split between the two with the north side being more in decline and tetering on the brink of that "white trash" element while the south side is like an extension of Holmdel/Colts Neck/Marlboro/Manalapan you get my drift. Sure if you're further east you're closer to the shore so you might run into more transients who moved there for either work or school, but then you have the territorial Jersey Shore locals who are super-cliquey and hate anyone that isn't from the area.
Not to mention the fact that it has gotten very very crowded over the last 20 years. You left in 2000? That was when this was just starting. They kept bulding and building and building these ridiculous houses, just plain ridiculous McMansions with lame landscaping atrocities and empty rooms inside. Meanwhile they do absolutely nothing about the roads. Route 9 is a parking lot 24/7 and it is still only 2 lanes each way with almost all at grade intersections - with bad light coordination - which is no coincidence how it widens up to 3 each way with more interchanges right at the county line as you head north. Local roads are still the same narrow 2-lane country roads that were there 50+ years ago when it was just a farming community. Nowadays expect to spend a significant amount of time sitting in traffic behind a light on these roads where it takes 3 cycles on average just to get through a light. 90% of the area still runs on contaminated well water and overflowing septic. City water and sewer is very sparse.
The absolute last place in the state of New Jersey that I would choose to live, and that is saying a lot. Just a pretentious, irritating, spread-out, soulless, desolate, territorial, fear-based McMansion-laid wasteland that caters only to a certain type of person, and I am happy to say it isn't me.
The whole county is one big cesspool of that these days. It will be like leaving Newark for Paterson because of crime. And if it isn't annoying ostentations keeping-up-with-the-Joneses it is declining borderline white trash (think Keansburg type). Middletown is sorta split between the two with the north side being more in decline and tetering on the brink of that "white trash" element while the south side is like an extension of Holmdel/Colts Neck/Marlboro/Manalapan you get my drift. Sure if you're further east you're closer to the shore so you might run into more transients who moved there for either work or school, but then you have the territorial Jersey Shore locals who are super-cliquey and hate anyone that isn't from the area.
Not to mention the fact that it has gotten very very crowded over the last 20 years. You left in 2000? That was when this was just starting. They kept bulding and building and building these ridiculous houses, just plain ridiculous McMansions with lame landscaping atrocities and empty rooms inside. Meanwhile they do absolutely nothing about the roads. Route 9 is a parking lot 24/7 and it is still only 2 lanes each way with almost all at grade intersections - with bad light coordination - which is no coincidence how it widens up to 3 each way with more interchanges right at the county line as you head north. Local roads are still the same narrow 2-lane country roads that were there 50+ years ago when it was just a farming community. Nowadays expect to spend a significant amount of time sitting in traffic behind a light on these roads where it takes 3 cycles on average just to get through a light. 90% of the area still runs on contaminated well water and overflowing septic. City water and sewer is very sparse.
The absolute last place in the state of New Jersey that I would choose to live, and that is saying a lot. Just a pretentious, irritating, spread-out, soulless, desolate, territorial, fear-based McMansion-laid wasteland that caters only to a certain type of person, and I am happy to say it isn't me.
NYtoNJtoPA: that’s all well and good but I’ve noticed on other threads, you’ve never lived in Monmouth County nor do you reside there now. So I don’t know what ground you have to stand on offering your opinion as an outsider. Growing up in Sayreville is very different than any of the towns I’ve mentioned.
I understand what you’re saying about Marlboro and Manalapan. I grew up there. My parents still live there. It’s not on my list of a place I’m looking to go to. I know all about the Route 9 corridor. Notice I said I’m looking to stay by exits 109, 114, 116 on the Parkway. While I haven’t lived there in 20 years, I still visit the area on a monthly basis at the least so I have a general sense. I’m looking for someone who actually lives there now and can speak intelligently. Not just about the perceptions you had as a kid growing up 25 miles away in Middlesex County.
To quote my wife: “what I want to know is, do the women openly discuss unsolicited advice on having tummy tucks and their private parts rejuvenated with plastic surgery because that’s what I’m dealing with here in Connecticut?!?!”
how old is your wife? im aware that botox is pretty common and some people do other stuff. i know a few with breast implants. im not aware of tummy tucks being a big thing.
looks like i may be the only holmdel resident unfortunately for you. it took a little time to develop a social circle when we first moved here with my wife soon to give birth to our first daughter. but now we have a pretty extensive social circle and ive only had positive experiences with people in holmdel and neighboring towns. my general feeling is that you get what you give. if people have problems socially then i would more likely point the finger at them then all the horrible other people that dont live up their their standards of being a good person.
how old is your wife? im aware that botox is pretty common and some people do other stuff. i know a few with breast implants. im not aware of tummy tucks being a big thing.
looks like i may be the only holmdel resident unfortunately for you. it took a little time to develop a social circle when we first moved here with my wife soon to give birth to our first daughter. but now we have a pretty extensive social circle and ive only had positive experiences with people in holmdel and neighboring towns. my general feeling is that you get what you give. if people have problems socially then i would more likely point the finger at them then all the horrible other people that dont live up their their standards of being a good person.
Thanks for the honest and thoughtful response. My wife is 37, as am I. And yes, people her age are going for these surgeries and prance around the gym bragging about it. And it’s not so much that. I know as long as BMW leases cars for $450 a month, you’ll have people keep up with the Joneses. It’s hard to avoid that.
For us, we just live in a community now run by a mom mafia and if you have differing opinions, you get shut down and out pretty quickly. My wife is a very outgoing, social person who has joined every league and playgroup in the area. And she found a couple of great friends, especially through our children’s’ school. Part of the reason for our move is the school is in danger of closing (Catholic school) and that group of friends is poised to scatter. Most of the friends don’t live in our town. One of the reasons we’ve been shunned from polite society is that we decided to not use the public schools, which are highly ranked, and opted for Catholic school. They take it as an affront to them and their precious system if you choose to go private. The private/public attitude is the opposite of most other places. Usually it’s the private schools with the snobs. Not so here.
So given that our school community may fall apart, among other reasons, we are carefully considering a move. I’m only saying all this to provide context and show that this is what we are trying to avoid. We don’t want to be shunned if we send our kid to a catholic school. I know some of this may sound ridiculous but that’s what goes on where I live now. It’s not a bad place, it’s just becoming clearer that it’s not for us. Given I have some roots in the area, we are looking here again.
Thanks for the honest and thoughtful response. My wife is 37, as am I. And yes, people her age are going for these surgeries and prance around the gym bragging about it. And it’s not so much that. I know as long as BMW leases cars for $450 a month, you’ll have people keep up with the Joneses. It’s hard to avoid that.
For us, we just live in a community now run by a mom mafia and if you have differing opinions, you get shut down and out pretty quickly. My wife is a very outgoing, social person who has joined every league and playgroup in the area. And she found a couple of great friends, especially through our children’s’ school. Part of the reason for our move is the school is in danger of closing (Catholic school) and that group of friends is poised to scatter. Most of the friends don’t live in our town. One of the reasons we’ve been shunned from polite society is that we decided to not use the public schools, which are highly ranked, and opted for Catholic school. They take it as an affront to them and their precious system if you choose to go private. The private/public attitude is the opposite of most other places. Usually it’s the private schools with the snobs. Not so here.
So given that our school community may fall apart, among other reasons, we are carefully considering a move. I’m only saying all this to provide context and show that this is what we are trying to avoid. We don’t want to be shunned if we send our kid to a catholic school. I know some of this may sound ridiculous but that’s what goes on where I live now. It’s not a bad place, it’s just becoming clearer that it’s not for us. Given I have some roots in the area, we are looking here again.
i know some people that go to catholic school over here. st leo the great! i dont think anyone cares except i see they have their own social circle. but im a firm believer in having many different social circles so you always have things to do. i do have a hard time comprehending being shunned over stuff like that. its not something i have experienced. but i have seen situations where personalities have clashed and so friendships didnt blossom (and one of the parties probably said some of the same stuff about the other party shunning her because they are keeping up with the jones's even though it was just a personality issue).
i remember growing up in marlboro people would refer to the girls as "JAPS" and there was a negative stereotype. i never agreed with that and i dont like to judge people based on silly stereotypes that ive never found to be accurate. anyway, as the only holmdel resident here i am always happy to answer questions to the best of my ability.
Been living in Lincroft for 15 years, moved here when son went to Christian Brothers High School but eventually transfer to Middletown South. In general, public schools are good in the area but there are a number of private. schools like St. Leo The Great Catholic School in the area.
The neighbors are mostly working class people, not pretentious; many have migrated from either northern NJ or Staten Island if they have not live here forever. Generally good kid activities throughout the year.
I particularly like the easy access to parkway, bus and rail service. I like that I do not have to bag leaves anymore - just get them to the curb at the designated time and they pick them up. RedBank nearby for restaurants and entertainment. Beach proximity.
Drawbacks - Taxes are rising routinely in excess of the 2% limit but 65% goes to the schools. No dedicated downtown area so you drive everywhere. Oddly, gas prices are higher than in neighboring towns.
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