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I lost my mother 16 years ago to colon cancer. I watched just like you are, her decline in health. It is more painful for us to see the one that was always so strong and providing for us to be so fragile and helpless. You do not know me, but your mom and your family are in my prayer. I pray that she will be pain free and that you will be given the strength and peace of knowing that. I just found out that my uncle my mother's brother has cancer. It is heart breaking to me.
yes it is heartbreaking but whats causing all this cancer???? Thanks I do know you now!!! Thanks for coming , hard to lose a mom.
Mom was completely out of it. Opened her eyes once, said get me some pain crap and then I got the nurse. I was there from 9 am - 1pm and thats all I got today.
I did get alot of crap from my Dad today. The funny thing is he is telling me I am a nervous wreck and better talk slower and calm down. Now I dont see me like that at all, I barely said a word due to him yelling and the foul mood he is in today. I got the whole range of crap today. It started from you better go to the doctor and get a check up this and that , to go get an eye exam, your ovaries out all this crap runs in your family. Displacing fear that I will get cancer like MOM. I mean an hour of every bad relative who had something wrong with them. AND IM NERVOUS!!?????? I have now learned to keep my mouth shut and listen to his crap. I mean he is getting to me.
I hope both you and your Dad are getting some time to try and relax a bit. Does he stay there day and night? Takes a toll for sure, be careful to take good care of yourselves. Silent Lucidity comes to mind. Be Well
Hi, it's me again. The former trauma nurse. I've been off the boards for a few days. Wanted to check in a see how you're doing.
This is tough, isn't it? Seeing your Mom like this is brutal. And hearing other's people's fear placed on you feels kind of crazy, doesn't it?
The best thing that you can do right now is breathe, and (I know this is going to sound corny) get as much space and peace and quiet time that you can. Go for a walk, listen to music, dance it out like they do on Grey's Anatomy. Whatever gets you some peace and inner stillness.
Everyone reacts differently to death, and usually fear takes over. But this is a normal, natural process in life. It's hard to love and trust this process, because it feels like we're losing something, and our fear kicks in. Death takes as long as it takes. There is no morality to suffering, or even holding on, or letting go (nothing bad or being punished or noble trying). It's just a process.
It's hard to be the strong insightful one during times like these, but I suspect you have a deep reservoir of connection to that inner stillness that I mention. When you have that, it feels crazy when others project their fears onto you.
I wonder if you can imagine your mother making a passage into another place. To see her body as something that she no longer needs and is shedding, like a snake sheds it's skin. Although I don't know what's on the other side, I know that there is another side. As she slips into being unconscious, she won't be able to communicate with you verbally, but she will know that you're there. Try not to expect anything from her, and just sit and be with her (if you can), keeping your mind quiet and being without thinking (like meditation). Oftentimes, the talking that we do covers up our ability to be aware of what's taking place. Let your thoughts come naturally, or think of all the good times that you've had with her, and send her a lot of love.
This is a special, sacred time, just like birth. I hope that there is someone who can help you deal with this, more on a daily basis. Does the hospital have a chaplain? Or a grief counselor?
My thoughts are with you. And my hope for a gentle passing for your mother. Even if you are not with her, your love will be felt by her. (just like we always know when someone is thinking of us)
We forget that death is a part of life. When I had my early-stage cancer diagnosis at 44 the thought of dying before I was 102 blew my mind. But now I know death comes for *everyone*, we just don't know when.
Best to you and your family, Marilyn, esp. your mom. I hope she's peaceful. You sound like a wonderful daughter and your parents are lucky to have you.
Marilyn, I have not every posted with you, but have been reading your posts about your mom...you sound very strong to me, and I can only imagine what its like with your Dad...so hang in there, its going to be a roller coaster for a while..
Hospice is a wonderful thing, so I am heading to bed tonight saying a special prayer for you and your mom and family...may she be at peace soon..
dear marilyn,
i actually came to this website only about 4 days ago looking for suggestions on which beach town in southern monmouth county is better to relocate to. i checked which forums i wanted to read and saw yours. i started reading last night around 1am and turned off my computer at 4am. as i read i reflected,shed tears and remembered . when a parent is seriously ill whether it be for a year or a few days before they pass it is never,ever easy. i cry as i write my dad and mom were very happily married for 57 years. he was healthy as a horse at 80 had just driven home from their florida house 16 hrs. four days before, towed junk cars in the back of his business that had been there for years ( he owned a auto repair shop) the day before. called friends he hadnt spoke to in awhile. seemed to be getting things in order. thanksgiving dinner '07 when our entire family was there and i say that because my brother and his family usually are with his wifes family we had arrived a little late ( the Lord had mercy on me and allowed me to hug my dad one more time) before we sat down to eat my dad said i love my family,God bless everyone, five minutes later he had a massive stroke.
was on a ventilator for fours days brain continued to swell. we decided to turn off the ventilator. he exhaled and his chest thrust forward and i believe with all my heart his spirit and soul left his body.so much grieving my daddy for 51 years,i also had to try to comfort my four children ages 21,16,10 and 8and my mom her soul mate and constant companion for 57 YEARS.WOW. the grief and pain dont really get easier miss him every day,his voice, his smile,his presence. my mom has been remarkable we still cry together sometimes but she has remained in their house, still works at the business (secretary at 78).we do get through it. the Lord has promised He will not give us more than we can handle.well i guess i have said enough.i will continue to stay posted. i pray the Lord is merciful and ends her suffering and that His mercy and grace will be with you and your dad. seek out the chaplain.
i will help hold you up.
debbie
TO ALL THE ABOVE POSTS, I am reading everyones thanks, well wishes, and stories. I cant comment on every post however there are a few ideas and concepts that I never really thought of. Shedding the skin is one. Interesting ways to look at it.
Beachluver, what a sad and shock of story. Its funny like I said I had time so its not too much of a shock. I dont know whats worse. Sometimes is good to go quick and easy but its not too easy on the love ones. Its a hard deal all the way around.
Now for the death report, I took a break today. I am tired of driving an hour each way to see death. I am tired of dealing with Dad too. I needed a break. I am going to call Dad later who does go everyday but sleeps at home (thank God), and get the report or yelling I dont know which one. I am trying to stay strong.
Its funny all the memories that I have not thought about for along time come back to me now. Like the drive in movies with moms bad Vega!!! Or when she dove that crazy Gremlin. Or just the plan bad trips to Ginos as a kid.
You know my last concern is for Dad, he is really a good father and husband. He is a good man. I hate for him to be alone. I hope he finds another person eventually to make him happy. I dont care is its young, old, black, gray or white as long as she is not a user and he is happy. I hope he finds happiness.
Funny you dont think about this until times like now. Its sad, I cant go back to that kid.
The stories and memories of all you guy/gals moms and dads is just amazing. This is better than Readers digest. Im shocked how many of us lost parents on this forum and all the support and heartbreak we still ALL FEEL.
I had trouble with feelings. This is why I did drugs, this is why most of my life or a good part of it was in a drug fog. I have trouble dealig with feelings. Im not a mushy romantic, I hate love songs . And was not very sentimental. I should have been a GUY!!! I forget my anniversary too. I hate cards and mushy crap. SO the bottom line is all these feelings are hard for me to deal with. Thanks for getting me thru!!
They are taking her off dialysis!!!!!! This is good, either way now its going to end soon. they think the liver will go before the kidneys and now we are at every end stage. Not eating, mumbling, out of it, great pain. This is almost over and its a relief. Dad FINALLY said its a relief!!!!!
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