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Sorry to hear about your Mom. I lost my Mom about a year ago in a similar fashion. She too was the first close family member that I've lost and it was hard. However, time has helped and there has been plenty of good memories to recall her better times than the way she left us. Dad is doing okay, but I know he hurts everyday. Be strong. It sounds like you are doing exactly what you should be doing. Good luck and God bless you and your loved ones.
Wow thanks for letting me know your dad is ok. Thats really my biggest worry, he is acting so wacko and I do understand but its a side I have not seen. Thanks for a nice and sad post. You made it right?? I will make it too, that was nice of you to tell me your experience. It sucks but we will be stong.
Hugs to you, I know how hard it is, have gone through the same. You can never show or give too much love. I am glad you will have the opportunity to spend time with your Mom. Many people just do not know what to do in these circumstances. Just forget it for now and concentrate on your Mom. I will keep you in my prayers. Hang in there.
thank you patti, here is another person who crawled out to post here and a name that slips my mind. Thanks so much.
Listen thanks all of you. You people have been better to me than my own friends!!! I am more and more shocked at how people are acting right now in my own circle. My Dad called my Mom's brother twice and said listen this is the last time you will see your sister and he just acted like ok. He has not come and seen her and he LIVES ONLY IN THE NEXT TOWN ( 2 miles ) over. So this is really terrible how people are. My friends, mother in law all the people who I thought would at least say something just say nothing!!!!
Its like I am dealing with the EMOTIONALLY DEAD!!!!!!
Oh Marilyn I am so sorry to hear this and I do know what you are going through as I'm going through it right now with my brother as his cancer resurfaced and it's terminal.
You are in my prayers..leaving Friday to go to Colorado to visit my brother, when I get back we should meet for a cup of coffee
Marilyn, I don't even know you but for some reason I just felt compelled to write to you. I read your post a couple of days ago while searching these forums and couldn't stop thinking about it for some strange reason. I know how you are feeling right now, angry, scared, anxious, your body just feels completely weighted down and your brain wants to explode. I lost my mom to cancer also. I don't even know where to start this post so if I ramble please forgive me. First and foremost, my one thing I struggled with after she died was how would I manage to go on in life without the one and only person that was always in my life. Secondly was the, "If only I had..." stage. Make sure you take the time now to make everything right with your mom and say anything and everything you can possibly think of to make yourself okay with the situation. Don't wait until it's too late. Even if you think she can't understand you..say it, because I know she can hear you even if she can't respond. My mom had cancer throughout her whole body in the end, even her brain so she seemed totally not with it, but when certain things were said to her, eyes closed and all, a slight smile would emerge. Sometimes we would even get a slight squeeze of the hand. Don't think that your words are being said in vain, they are not. Also, it's okay to tell her that it is okay to go now. My mom hung on for days, I believe for the sake of my sister and I. Finally we told her that we were okay with the whole situation and that she could go now....coincidence or not...she passed on a few hours later with a smile on her face. After she did pass away the first stage was panic and disbelief. Long nights of crying and no sleep, yet in a strange way some relief also. I won't lie, it wasn't easy at all, but I can tell you that it really does get easier. You eventually will manage to smile whenever you think of her. Sometimes when I really miss her I will look up at they sky and just talk to her and I really believe she can hear me. Alot of strange things happen now...coincidence or not again...that I truly believe are her way of saying, "hey, I'm still here with you". One year in April shortly after she died I was searching for the perfect birthday gift for my sister. I found an exact replica of a doll that my mom had bought us one year at Christmas when we were small kids. I fell in love with it and wanted one for myself in the worst way but it was very expensive and I couldn't afford two. I ordered one for my sis and forgot about it. I got a letter that it was back ordered and my credit card wouldn't be charged. I was devastated. Eventually I forgot about it. Christmas Eve day, 9 months later, I got a package, it was not only the one doll but TWO, and the best part was, for some strange reason, my credit card never even got charged. This is just one of many things to happen. You also, I'm sure, will come across many situations that will make you remember her and cause you to say, "hey, thanks mom!" it makes the pain less. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you right now during this very difficult time. Believe me when I tell you, that it really does get easier. Best of luck and feel free to email me if you feel the need to vent, scream, cry or just talk. Take care.
Last edited by LMCFashions; 08-03-2009 at 06:06 AM..
sorry to hear your friends and some family members seem to be so uncaring, hopefully its not too late when they realize what they should do in this situation.
Sorry about your mom as well, I don't even want to think about going through this with any of my parents, but your post made me realize I better start appreciating them a bit more while they are alive and healthy.
Listen thanks all of you. You people have been better to me than my own friends!!! I am more and more shocked at how people are acting right now in my own circle. My Dad called my Mom's brother twice and said listen this is the last time you will see your sister and he just acted like ok. He has not come and seen her and he LIVES ONLY IN THE NEXT TOWN ( 2 miles ) over. So this is really terrible how people are. My friends, mother in law all the people who I thought would at least say something just say nothing!!!!
Its like I am dealing with the EMOTIONALLY DEAD!!!!!!
Marilyn, they probably know your relationship with your mom and probably don't know what to say.
As for her brother; maybe he doesn't want to remember her like that? Not everyone can deal with that. Also could be that he's not with it himself.
I am so sorry. I am not here on NJ threads so much anymore..
I want to say I am sorry for what you are going through. My parents both died before I turned 30 and it makes you feel so helpless having to see them endure such pain. My dad died from colon ca at 58 and jaundice set in the last few weeks also. My mom died 6 years after my dad had passed.
Just remember to talk and vent about it as much as possible. It sure helped me and I had my circle of friends who really helped me through. It is amazing how much you appreciate life when you have to go through this and KNOW people are there for you.
Time will heal but the memories will never fade. Just remember that. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Marilyn, they probably know your relationship with your mom and probably don't know what to say.
As for her brother; maybe he doesn't want to remember her like that? Not everyone can deal with that. Also could be that he's not with it himself.
How old is your mom?
Great post Roselvr. No, not everyone can deal with it, and it's going to make some people behave unlike they have previously. The psychological complexities in those final days are indescribable.
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