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I think the point being of some people are it is not responsible to bring a child into the world if you aren't stable in your life. And if you are a grown adult you should have things like both working jobs, a place of your owe, money in the bank so when can't work to stay with the baby BEFORE you have a child.
I'm sure 311 has information that would be helpful to you.
Although I agree with some previously posted comments, it's too late for her to not get pregnant or have the baby so what's the point in bringing it up?
Does anyone have any information about the shelter system in NYC? My 5 month old and I will be homeless on June 1st because my bf's mother is kicking us (me and the baby) out. We've had some disagreements and she's had problems with me but instead of. coming to me with the problems so they could be resolved, she just complained about me and talked all this crap about me to my boyfriend! I avoided her for months staying in my bf's room and not being around her but she must feel threatened by me or something. Its sad so sad for a grown woman to kick out her grandchild. I was planning on returning to college next month so I could finish by next year but now that's up in the air. My bf is the military but he's reserves so that's not all that great, he isn't coming with me to the shelter either. I'm hoping to work, save up, have him take care of the baby whlle I work because I'm sure ill have to work once I'm placed in a shelter and I don't feel comfortable having a stranger watch my child so I can move into my own place. I have no friends or family to live with here. My close family members are in shelters themselves. I guess I'm just looking for advice.
I guess my first question is why isn't your boyfriend moving with you? He gets to stay with MOM while his girlfriend and child are out on the streets? What is the matter with HIM? I would like to be able to tell you to go to your Boyfriend's Mom and ask her what is going on but the stress level for your child as well as you just is not good. Before you simply walk into a shelter, go to a local church and talk with a pastor. He/she might be able to point you in the right direction. After you talk with the Pastor of a church, then go to the State offices where you live. They won't let you go out on the streets with a child.
I know it won't be easy for you to go off on your own, but you can do this. All you need is some time with some help from just one person and you will fight your way out of this. As far as your boyfriend goes, why would you even want to have him with you? He is letting you go off on your own with HIS baby?? I am still reeling over that one and truly hope that you will leave him with MOM and get yourself together.
My ex husband took off on me and left me alone with a 10 year old kid WAY up North in Maine where I am not from. I had a home but it had no running hot water, the furnace was broken and all I had was a bunch of trees cut down in my yard but not cut up in chunks for the wood stoves. I had a job but had no extra money for food or to pay the utilities. It was September and starting to get bitterly cold and he and his "woman" were off to Georgia to run away from both of their responsibilities. My ex Never worked and was always DRUNK and what she saw in him is beyond me..she left her husband and kid to be with my husband. I had reached a point of total frustration, packed everything that wasn't nailed down, took my son and our dog and left Maine in my old car and never looked back. I made it down here and so can you no matter where you go.
A man who turns his back on his kids isn't worth the powder to blow them to hell! This should tell you something about your boyfriend. Good luck!
Yes, I could've been more responsible but I'm not laying on my ass doing nothing just hoping to get into a shelter so the government can take care of me. WHATS WITH THIS PLACE?! God Almighty, its sad that women whok have kids and fall down on their luck are all painted as one type of person! I can't help but feel sad about some of the comments in here, to know that people think like this.
Last edited by bmwguydc; 05-26-2012 at 07:56 PM..
Reason: Removed orphaned quote
WHATS WITH THIS PLACE?! God Almighty, its sad that women whok have kids and fall down on their luck are all painted as one type of person! I can't help but feel sad about some of the comments in here, to know that people think like this.
Ok. I agree people have been a little insensitive. But let's not for ONE MINUTE act like this is just some bad luck that happened to you.
You 100% made this happen to yourself. Everything that is going on is 100% a consequence of choices you made and were all foreseeable.
It's not like you suddenly got pancreatic cancer or an airplane fell on your or something that is actually BAD LUCK. What happened to you was orchestrated by no one but you. The only bit of tough luck that I see is that your boyfriend's mom seems kinda mean, but I only know one side of the story. You know who got bad luck? Your baby.
As for what to do...I will tell you what I would do. I would throw myself at the mercy of whomever can keep me/take me in and kiss their butts until I work long enough to make enough money to go out on my own.
I don't know what kind of dingbat your boyfriend is. But a true partner steps up and tries to make it happen - not play soldier on the weekends and leaves his baby and his baby's mother out in the cold.
Time for a sit down with boyfriend, boyfriend's mother, and whoever else lives where you live. Discuss calmly and respectfully what you can do for each other. Discuss how you will contribute and what they can expect from you.
You have created a tough hole to dig out of. Best of luck.
j
First off, I was in school and working up until I had my child and the only reason why I'm not heading back is because I'm getting kicked out. Who said I decided not to finish school?? And my bf just got back from training in late march and is looking for employment. This all came as a surprise and I've been on interviews and at job fares and workforce one too.
I suggest you look on Frederick Douglass Boulevard, for example, where there are scores of new and new-ish restaurants and where the turnover is constant. Just about every place is hiring.
Ok. I agree people have been a little insensitive. But let's not for ONE MINUTE act like this is just some bad luck that happened to you.
You 100% made this happen to yourself. Everything that is going on is 100% a consequence of choices you made and were all foreseeable.
It's not like you suddenly got pancreatic cancer or an airplane fell on your or something that is actually BAD LUCK. What happened to you was orchestrated by no one but you. The only bit of tough luck that I see is that your boyfriend's mom seems kinda mean, but I only know one side of the story. You know who got bad luck? Your baby.
First, you accuse people of being insensitive. Then, you re-state, even more clearly, what the "insensitive" people said !
First, you accuse people of being insensitive. Then, you re-state, even more clearly, what the "insensitive" people said !
Do you not see the humor there.
No, she didn't. The insensitive people were basically just name-calling. stan4 is saying lose the self-pity schtick and admit that she's in her situation over bad choices, not bad luck. That IS the number one step needed here, not playing as if she's some kind of victim of circumstances. Then she gave her some solid suggestions on what the second step should be. I think that's a fair approach. However, if the baby's father's mother, and the baby's father for that matter, aren't going to respond with any sort of civility or responsibility, then perhaps a shelter is a temporary solution. She needs a roof.
First, you accuse people of being insensitive. Then, you re-state, even more clearly, what the "insensitive" people said !
Do you not see the humor there.
No. I was explaining why people don't like to hear someone who created a bad situation lament about their 'bad luck.' That also makes it seem like they are powerless to change the situation.
She has options. A shelter is definitely one of them. But there is something with the boyfriend/bf mother dynamic that needs to be better fleshed out or explored. I find that strange.
Isn't he able to convert to active-duty status which provides money, housing, and health care?
Perhaps a rattling jail cell door could make him care for his family.
I have someone in my family who made a similar mess. She's now in a project with 3 kids.
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