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It all depends on the person. I did not grow up in the city but I have lived in the city and brooklyn for years. My job currently has me down south for a few months and I long to return to nyc. I've met some great people in nyc. A persons outlook on the city depends on where they spend their time and who they spend it with. On my off days I spend time working with a dog rescue. I've had the pleasure of meeting some wonderful people through it as well as the road runners club. Great friendships don't seek you out in ny. It is very, very easy to isolate yourself here. You have to work at it here harder than other places.
I recently moved to the area as well and agree with your assessment of the situation. My take on it is that it's because of the high population density. Where there are fewer people around you, forming relationships with each one matters a little more than in a place that is crammed wall to wall with human beings like NYC. The abundance of humanity makes people turn a little more inward than they'd be otherwise.
And YET this doesn't occur in LA which also has a large population. New York City is in a world all by themselves. When I traveled to Los Angeles I couldn't believe that random ppl would actually say hello and smile at me. Not to mention I actually saw blacks, whites and asians hanging out together. I mean stuff like this just blew my mind. Despite the hordes of ppl who live in nyc you can feel unbelievably isolated and alone. People will make sure not to even look in your direction alot of times. It's like you're completely invisible.
And YET this doesn't occur in LA which also has a large population. New York City is in a world all by themselves. When I traveled to Los Angeles I couldn't believe that random ppl would actually say hello and smile at me. Not to mention I actually saw blacks, whites and asians hanging out together. I mean stuff like this just blew my mind. Despite the hordes of ppl who live in nyc you can feel unbelievably isolated and alone. People will make sure not to even look in your direction alot of times. It's like you're completely invisible.
I noticed this phenomenon of people saying hello on the street recently when I travelled from my home in NY to stay in Wash DC for a few days. It's always a bit shocking because this behavior is not the norm in Boston (where I lived before) or NYC.
However, I am not convinced that this kind of surface-friendliness translates into real friendships. It might make you feel good temporarily but (correct me if I'm wrong) this thread is about friendships, which is a completely separate category.
Also, if you think that people don't cross race-lines with their friendships (and love relationships) in NYC, you are wrong. In my building I think one out of every three or four couples is mixed-race.
I noticed this phenomenon of people saying hello on the street recently when I travelled from my home in NY to stay in Wash DC for a few days. It's always a bit shocking because this behavior is not the norm in Boston (where I lived before) or NYC.
However, I am not convinced that this kind of surface-friendliness translates into real friendships. It might make you feel good temporarily but (correct me if I'm wrong) this thread is about friendships, which is a completely separate category.
Also, if you think that people don't cross race-lines with their friendships (and love relationships) in NYC, you are wrong. In my building I think one out of every three or four couples is mixed-race.
1. Who knows if surface-friendliness in other cities leads to real friendships? But I imagine it's a lot easier to be friends with non-rude, polite people.
And quality of life is so much better when all the various strangers you come in contact with every day smile and are able to say things like "please", "thank you", "hello", "pardon me" and aren't snarling, angry, or indifferent.
2. Mixed race couples in NYC are so blah. It's the usual of black guy/white girl, P.Diddy/J.Lo couples.
For those of us who are consultants working from home it can be particularly hard, as we cannot cultivate friendships "at the office". And efforts made to befriend people at gyms, etc seem difficult because everyone is in "rush" mode.
Ok, assuming you don't have roots in this immediate area. If you're from here, of course your life is gonna be a piece of cake relatively speaking with family and longtime friends in your network of support.
And yes, Mead you are observant thank you, I meant to refer to Manhattan as the demographic area (my fault for generalizing "New York").
My point is after the novelty of being a newcomer here starts to wear off, it can be draining to go through trial and error to find people who are sincere about what they say to you. There is a high rate of forgetting about people not to mention the high failure rate of connecting with people unless you cultivate them at work or at school. And even that can be challenging. I just know the behavior seen here is not typical of most other places around the U.S. - and here goes another one of my "sweeping" remarks but people here in Manhatttan (as compared to elsewhere) just seem to show more insincerity by their lack of action, etc.
Have you ever lived in the Los Angeles areas and suburbs. They have PHD's in insincerity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For those of us who are consultants working from home it can be particularly hard, as we cannot cultivate friendships "at the office". And efforts made to befriend people at gyms, etc seem difficult because everyone is in "rush" mode.
You are right about that. When one works from home, pursuing extracurricular activities is even more significant than for employees outside the home who can interact professionally and socially.
Things that can help would include teaching a continuing ed class or attending one as a student, joining professional organizations in your field, trying to occasionally meet clients/customers formally and informally if possible. Other surprise places to meet people include coffee shops, bookstores, laundry rooms/laundromats, museums, and the list goes on.
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