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The murderer obviously.
The husband for failing his marriage vows.
The wife for failing her marriage vows (she operating a revolving carousel w/more than 1 affair at a time. Police say there were multiple men sending her text messages).
The 13 year old son for sleeping through his mom's murder.
Apparently, the only party not responsible is the older son who was w/his dad on the trip.
How did the husband fail his marriage vows? And come on man, that's not cool blaming the 13 year old kid for sleeping. As someone who suspected the 13 year old was the murderer, I feel terribly bad for him, and I was dead wrong. He's going to beat himself up about this for the rest of his life, and I don't think he deserves any blame.
Okay sorry for this long winded post but I just am trying to figure out how these two ended up together. Such an unlikely and strange pairing.
This woman posted lots and lots and LOTS of photos of her seemingly MANY travels to various places in South America. They are always staying at very nice exotic hotels and doing these very touristy sightseeing excursions. You see her getting fitted and dressed up in all these traditional local outfits or involved in cooking or craft classes using native seeds, making native baskets, things like that. She warmly engages with the locals appearing so enamored and enraptured by it all.
So I'm getting a bit of a Sheltering Sky vibe out of all of this. Sheltering Sky is the novel about the well off NYC married couple who travel to the North African desert very unaware and naive to the dangers there. The trip ends up tragic and disastrous. So with this woman, here comes this handyman from Mexico and she develops this relationship with this character who seem to all observers to be a baffling and unlikely choice for her. Yet she has only had these very privileged, charming, beautiful experiences in these travel places so why would this fella be any harm? She enjoys bonding over discussion of maybe his culture, language, exotic experiences naive to the reality that he has a very difficult, gritty life compared to hers which can sometimes shape problems, dark aspects in a person. She spends her days working out and planning her next exotic trip or theater outing and he spends his days schlepping it all over NYC fixing air conditioning scrounging together the rent for his crummy place in working class Queens.
Possibly somewhat of a Pollyanna type, she is oblivious to this and doesn't quite get it projecting all the wonderfulness and exoticism onto him from her privileged travels. So this reminds me of psychological elements of Sheltering Sky when cruel, stark, and hard reality can come in and bite extremely hard.
That would explain her obliviousness to his true character, and perhaps her interest in him.
But still, your scenario, which could well have its realistic aspects, plays on the naivety and innocence theme originally generated by observations that she was "sweet and nice". If she was going around collecting lovers, she had a different side to her than "sweet and nice", and "sheltered/innocent".
We'll probably never know how those disparate qualities blend together, unless the husband (or someone who knows more about the hidden side of the picture) comes back and starts trash-talking her. I don't expect that to happen; it's not a nice thing to do to a deceased victim of horrific violence. But there's clearly more to her than "sheltered rich lady looking at the world through rose-colored glasses". But your characterization does put a certain element in perspective.
Okay sorry for this long winded post but I just am trying to figure out how these two ended up together. Such an unlikely and strange pairing.
This woman posted lots and lots and LOTS of photos of her seemingly MANY travels to various places in South America. They are always staying at very nice exotic hotels and doing these very touristy sightseeing excursions. You see her getting fitted and dressed up in all these traditional local outfits or involved in cooking or craft classes using native seeds, making native baskets, things like that. She warmly engages with the locals appearing so enamored and enraptured by it all.
So I'm getting a bit of a Sheltering Sky vibe out of all of this. Sheltering Sky is the novel about the well off NYC married couple who travel to the North African desert very unaware and naive to the dangers there. The trip ends up tragic and disastrous. So with this woman, here comes this handyman from Mexico and she develops this relationship with this character who seem to all observers to be a baffling and unlikely choice for her. Yet she has only had these very privileged, charming, beautiful experiences in these travel places so why would this fella be any harm? She enjoys bonding over discussion of maybe his culture, language, exotic experiences naive to the reality that he has a very difficult, gritty life compared to hers which can sometimes shape problems, dark aspects in a person. She spends her days working out and planning her next exotic trip or theater outing and he spends his days schlepping it all over NYC fixing air conditioning scrounging together the rent for his crummy place in working class Queens.
Possibly somewhat of a Pollyanna type, she is oblivious to this and doesn't quite get it projecting all the wonderfulness and exoticism onto him from her privileged travels. So this reminds me of psychological elements of Sheltering Sky when cruel, stark, and hard reality can come in and bite extremely hard.
Who knows how and why people get attracted to others? If she liked the long haired bands of the '80's he fit the bill, with his long, dark curly hair and dark brooding looks (he is being compared to Slash of Guns n Roses). Being of Spanish/Mexican/Latin blood, and with an accent, if he paid attention to her in a way she "needed", that would most likely draw her to him. Something did. After the excitement of the relationship wore off she saw him for what he really was and wanted no part of him. My heart goes out to her family, and to her for the way she died. Nobody deserves to die in this way except those who kill others in this way.
How did the husband fail his marriage vows? And come on man, that's not cool blaming the 13 year old kid for sleeping. As someone who suspected the 13 year old was the murderer, I feel terribly bad for him, and I was dead wrong. He's going to beat himself up about this for the rest of his life, and I don't think he deserves any blame.
That's what I mean. The 13 year old will blame himself for the rest of his life. The 2 boys will also blame their father and each other for causing the situation. As for the husband failing his marriage vows? Come on. His wife was openly seeing other men while he was a passive bystander. Not even one but several. This situation would not have happened if her husband kept her satisfied.
That's what I mean. The 13 year old will blame himself for the rest of his life. The 2 boys will also blame their father and each other for causing the situation. As for the husband failing his marriage vows? Come on. His wife was openly seeing other men while he was a passive bystander. Not even one but several. This situation would not have happened if her husband kept her satisfied.
Where is this openly seeing other men coming from? Yes, she was seeing other men, but to what extent the husband knew is not known to us.
As for "keeping her satisfied" the guy makes enough money for the family to be on one income, afford a house in the Gardens, regular international trips, etc. Materially we know that he kept her more than satisfied. As for the emotional/physical aspects, we don't know and all you're offering up is conjecture/assumptions, etc. Unless we hear the husband's side of the story (which may never occur), you can't lay blame on him. All we know is that he was on the West Coast with the older son checking out colleges when the ex-lover of his wife killed her. What is the husband's culpability here? None..
That's what I mean. The 13 year old will blame himself for the rest of his life. The 2 boys will also blame their father and each other for causing the situation. As for the husband failing his marriage vows? Come on. His wife was openly seeing other men while he was a passive bystander. Not even one but several. This situation would not have happened if her husband kept her satisfied.
Pure speculation.
Reality: he worked at least a full-time schedule weekly, if not more. She had a completely open schedule. Once/day (if that) after coming home from work just doesn't do it for some women. And at his age, he was probably slowing down a little, so what? In a solid marriage with a devoted wife, that doesn't matter much, not at a mere 50 y.o. or so. You're going to blame him for that? Most men can count on their wives' loyalty, and don't have to worry about them getting it on with the repairmen and whoever else comes to the door or flirts with them at the gym.
If she married him for the visa (my current hypothesis), she wasn't into him anyway. That's not his fault; he would have had no way of knowing, if she put on a good act. So she was making up for the lack of personal excitement by creating her own "social life" of sorts. Well, she got plenty of excitement in the end, didn't she? More than she could handle.
That poor man! What a totally freaky thing to have happen, when you're in the middle of a college tour with one of your kids. Heaven knows how he's going to deal with it. And those kids! I wouldn't be surprised if the oldest changes his name when he goes to college. What an insane thing to have to go through life with. "Oh, was that your mom who....?" Gawd!
Reality: he worked at least a full-time schedule weekly, if not more. She had a completely open schedule. Once/day (if that) after coming home from work just doesn't do it for some women. And at his age, he was probably slowing down a little, so what? In a solid marriage with a devoted wife, that doesn't matter much, not at a mere 50 y.o. or so. You're going to blame him for that? Most men can count on their wives' loyalty, and don't have to worry about them getting it on with the repairmen and whoever else comes to the door or flirts with them at the gym.
If she married him for the visa (my current hypothesis), she wasn't into him anyway. That's not his fault; he would have had no way of knowing, if she put on a good act. So she was making up for the lack of personal excitement by creating her own "social life" of sorts. Well, she got plenty of excitement in the end, didn't she? More than she could handle.
That poor man! What a totally freaky thing to have happen, when you're in the middle of a college tour with one of your kids. Heaven knows how he's going to deal with it. And those kids! I wouldn't be surprised if the oldest changes his name when he goes to college. What an insane thing to have to go through life with. "Oh, was that your mom who....?" Gawd!
Yes, the poor husband must feel a mix of grief, humiliation, anger. The sons must feel this as well. I tend to err on the side of thinking her family did not know about this. I saw photos of what is likely the killer's family getting belongings out of his apartment today. One looked like an adolescent. Really broke my heart thinking of a poor kid having to go get their things out of dad's apartment because he did something so horrible like this. I hope his children get support, love, care, therapy to get through this horror and trauma as well.
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