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I don't know what's wrong with me, I feel like I need someone to talk to on a regular basis that isn't a therapist. This might be why people have therapists, but I've always preferred friends. I just want someone where I can tell them about my day and I can hear about theirs and we can laugh at silly things that happened throughout the day. Most people probably have a partner to do this with, but since I'm single, I can't do that. But even when I was dating, I didn't want to seem needy to have to talk to someone everyday. Is anyone else like this? It's just that when I go out, I feel like I don't have a lot to say, and if I have someone to keep me chatty, I might be more open. I used to chat with people online when I was a teen, but who has time to do that anymore?
I talk to my wife. We talked as work friends for five years before we ever went out for the first time and now, 16 years later we still talk. There's something to be said for being friends first.
I talk with my husband and one of my sisters just about every day. My mom and I also talk several times a week. With everyone else it's less frequent. Typically, we don't actually download the day to each other but we will touch on how we're doing, what we're planning, what we read or saw recently, what we've been thinking about, problems we need to solve, food we want to eat, etc. Those three relationships in particular involve a lot of laughing - we all have inside jokes with each other and recurring themes that are hilarious to us.
Having a partner to do that with is nice but not necessary and, in my opinion, it's better to have at least one person in addition to your partner for that kind of daily gab session. I also think that talking online is very different than the kind of bond you make with daily (or frequent) in person (or phone) communication.
As you indicated when you mentioned not having things to say when you go out with people, I also find that the more you interact with a person the more the two of you have to say to each other. So, for me, I always have plenty to talk about with my husband, sister, or mom - but might have less to talk about (and less clicking energy) with someone I rarely see.
My husband and I talk often on a daily basis, usually using the phone or facetime though since he is gone so much for work. When he is home we talk then as well, we have tons to discuss somedays and others days it is a quick hello, just checking in, how is your day going. I have a couple other friends I talk to but not like I talk to my husband and we talk about absolutely everything no matter how good, bad or indifferent.
I just want someone where I can tell them about my day and I can hear about theirs and we can laugh at silly things that happened throughout the day.
Are you female? I think that, on average, that makes a difference. It has been scientifically established that females tend to bond by sharing confidences while we males tend to bond by doing activities together (building things, fixing things, boating, motorcycling, etc.). (Again, I mean the average, and I do not mean that the two genders bond exclusively in the manner described, just mostly). In my life-long experience (I am 68) I find that mothers and adult daughters talk a lot more often than fathers and their children or than mothers and their adult sons.
I am male, divorced, and live alone. I am not a recluse, and I enjoy talking to friends and like-minded people, but I do not feel the need for daily talks. I have several friends - all female - plus a female cousin and my sister, with whom I speak on the phone on a rough average of once every two weeks (each person). I also have male friends and cousins with whom I speak from time to time, but not as often. I get together in person, with both male and female friends, a couple or three times a month.
Until I read this thread, the gender differences in my own contacts (that is, the frequency of them) had not occurred to me.
I have a good friend I check in with weekly and several other good friends where we check in less regularly, but we're there if we need each other. While my friends encourage me to talk about it more when there's family drama (which is where much of my stress comes from), I don't want to be overly needy or burden them too much, so I try to save most of that for my therapist or message boards which deal with family issues. Also, my therapist is more objective. My friends will tell me when I'm out of line, but they tend to take my side because of their loyalty to me.
Even when I'm having a rough time, I try to make sure to ask my friends about the people and things important to them. I don't want them to feel like I'm using them for free therapy!
I have a "phone friend" I talk to a lot who lives on the other side of the country. She used to live 2 blocks from me but even back then we mostly talked on the phone rather than going out to do things.
I had 3 very close friends: The "phone friend", an "activity partner" who I go to shows and concerts and stuff with, and another friend who didn't get out much and I would just go to her house and hang out. That friend passed away suddenly a few months ago and there is a definite void in my life because of it. Everyone needs people to talk to.
I have an internet pen pal that I "talk" to every day. Let's call him Evan. He lives in a small village in Wales and I live in San Francisco. We met on a classic movie discussion board six and a half years ago and struck up a friendship almost immediately. I love his intelligence, his sense of humor and his quirky outlook on life. Evan has a disability and doesn't have many social contacts other than his wife, who is mentally ill and is more like a child to him than a partner. I am happily married too, but to a man who has some serious limitations of his own and doesn't share a lot of my interests.
Evan and I have become friends and confidantes. We "meet" every day at a message board where we PM each other. We've had a lot of laughs, confided our secrets and have supported each other emotionally over the years. I can't remember what my life was like before Evan was part of it. Neither of us would ever consider leaving our marriages, but if the day should come when both of us are free, we are planning to meet and see if we hit it off in person as well as we do on line. Even if we never meet, I will always be grateful to have had his friendship.
I know, I know. I'm an evil person. You don't have to lecture me. I know it's wrong.
I have an internet pen pal that I "talk" to every day. Let's call him Evan. He lives in a small village in Wales and I live in San Francisco. We met on a classic movie discussion board six and a half years ago and struck up a friendship almost immediately. I love his intelligence, his sense of humor and his quirky outlook on life. Evan has a disability and doesn't have many social contacts other than his wife, who is mentally ill and is more like a child to him than a partner. I am happily married too, but to a man who has some serious limitations of his own and doesn't share a lot of my interests.
Evan and I have become friends and confidantes. We "meet" every day at a message board where we PM each other. We've had a lot of laughs, confided our secrets and have supported each other emotionally over the years. I can't remember what my life was like before Evan was part of it. Neither of us would ever consider leaving our marriages, but if the day should come when both of us are free, we are planning to meet and see if we hit it off in person as well as we do on line. Even if we never meet, I will always be grateful to have had his friendship.
I know, I know. I'm an evil person. You don't have to lecture me. I know it's wrong.
Why is it wrong? Why can't a man and woman be friends? I guess there are "emotional affairs" where there is no sexual contact and that's considered a type of infidelity, but this seems harmless to me.
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Possible gender differences
