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I don't have a lot of friends those I have stay busy i would like to have someone to talk to on a regular bases. I try to talk to my mom but she brings up God in everything she talks about so that's out, not that I have a problem with religion we just dont believe in the same ideas about religion it would be great to have someone on a every days bases.
What you'll find if you do get into a dating relationship, is that being open, chatty as you call it is very endearing to the right ONE.
In the meantime...Here is my suggestion
Perhaps go look at volunteering at a Senior center, or a nursing/residential home....I'm serious. I worked w/ seniors...and many folks volunteer.
You would be amazed at how great a volunteer experience can become. You will absolutely get more out of it than you give.
Seniors have so much down to earth wisdom...They won't pull punches....and they are often hoping for a friend to just shot the breeze with too. So, win win.
Actually, in my experience....I was a director of SS....The men have the hardest time in a residential environment...Men hang out somewhat differently than women....Talk sports, the games, etc....
Regardless, male or female...there are always some folks that have no local relatives, that would enjoy just having someone poke their head in once a week, and sit and have coffee, or stroll in the garden...whatever...They realy do share a lot, and would be great listeners, caring...it would be helpful to you too.
You would be an asset...and I guarantee you will enjoy it. DM if you want more info or encouragement.
I don't know what's wrong with me, I feel like I need someone to talk to on a regular basis that isn't a therapist. This might be why people have therapists, but I've always preferred friends. I just want someone where I can tell them about my day and I can hear about theirs and we can laugh at silly things that happened throughout the day. Most people probably have a partner to do this with, but since I'm single, I can't do that. But even when I was dating, I didn't want to seem needy to have to talk to someone everyday. Is anyone else like this? It's just that when I go out, I feel like I don't have a lot to say, and if I have someone to keep me chatty, I might be more open. I used to chat with people online when I was a teen, but who has time to do that anymore?
It sounds like the problem is a mismatch, disparity, between what would benefit you (feel good & be good for you) and your circumstances (social environment/support network).
The pain of not having such a relationship (of whichever sort-but that would include sharing of one's day) can lead one to blame oneself and think "there must be something wrong with" one's wants & needs. I'm subject to that kind of depressing (self-blaming) jumping-to-conclusions, too, yet I know (I read a lot about neuroscience and sociology/psychology) that "more people than not" do want & need regular, reliable, mutual contact/communication.
"Intimacy" is also an emotional component, not solely a euphemism for romance/sex: trust and sharing of one's personality and daily vicissitudes (with or without bodily intimacy) matter to many people. Familiarity and continuity don't get the kind of press/PR that novelty and change get, but there's plenty to recommend about these qualities/features in a relationship, too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by toosie
Those three relationships in particular involve a lot of laughing - we all have inside jokes with each other and recurring themes that are hilarious to us.
That's part of what one misses: the "in-jokes" shared with another who "gets it", amongst people who "get each other", so that one need not explain recurring themes & one's interpretive framework at length in detail every single time. The implicit understanding based on having a history, shared memories, with another person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by toosie
As you indicated when you mentioned not having things to say when you go out with people, I also find that the more you interact with a person the more the two of you have to say to each other. So, for me, I always have plenty to talk about with my husband, sister, or mom - but might have less to talk about (and less clicking energy) with someone I rarely see.
Very true, seems kinda' paradoxical-but this is how it is for me, too.
If I'm in touch with someone often, then I will have a lot more to say, yet the words are more efficient, because we have a shared language of shortcuts for shared meanings.
However, if someone is only peripherally in my life & on rare occasions, then I feel exhausted just considering what I might say. It's just more work than is realistic/practical/doable, to fill in the context/provide background material-and so I end up with only a few superficialities (safe "small talk") with which to "go through the motions" (which feels rather hollow & unsatisfying for me) with people at that degree of emotional distance.
Yes, I do have a few people in my life with whom I share info. but I very much miss having a SO.
I talk on phone most nights with a relative who lives thousands of miles away, and with an old dear friend who lives a couple hours away. As far as "in-person, face-to-face" interaction goes, I have a friend in town with whom I meet up once a week-but, beyond that, I only have counselors. Of course I'm incredibly grateful for my appts. with therapists, yet I'd much prefer to be involved in recreational relationships with actual friends-or an SO-than to have to rely so heavily on professional help.
Yes I have a someone I talk to almost every day , I am in Europe and he is in Ohio. I am in a long term relationship and after 30+ years and no friends I wanted someone to talk to. Was always looking for a female friend of my own age and nearby. Well never found that illusive friendship. I found someone via a semi-private forum we exchanged emails about some info I was searching for and a few years later I send him some info I thought he would like to read. Then we emailed some and started to chat once , twice a week , now almost daily. He is younger than me very busy with his work and accepts me ill as I am. Very supportive and caring person.
I have a friend I chat with almost everyday online. We met while working together on an internship, and have stayed in communication since then. She's also in grad school, so we have a lot of the same pain to discuss. It's also fun to get each others' perspectives with our dating woes.
I think you are 110% normal, Op. I talk to my husband, my mom and my kids every day. And I talk with friends and other family on a regular basis.
When I worked, I used to talk daily to some of my coworkers about our lives in general. In fact, those daily conversations were what I missed most about working when I became a SAHM.
When I was single, I used to talk to my various roommates, boyfriends, friends and coworkers. You've got to share what's happening in your life with someone...
I don't know what's wrong with me, I feel like I need someone to talk to on a regular basis that isn't a therapist. This might be why people have therapists, but I've always preferred friends. I just want someone where I can tell them about my day and I can hear about theirs and we can laugh at silly things that happened throughout the day. Most people probably have a partner to do this with, but since I'm single, I can't do that. But even when I was dating, I didn't want to seem needy to have to talk to someone everyday. Is anyone else like this? It's just that when I go out, I feel like I don't have a lot to say, and if I have someone to keep me chatty, I might be more open. I used to chat with people online when I was a teen, but who has time to do that anymore?
This is kind of what a best friend is for by the way; if you have a problem you simply talk about it and you will want a 3rd way opinion always. I always do; doesn't mean you give them permission to tell everyone in the world but simply talking about your problems do solve them in the long run. Keeping your feelings all bottled up is always some type of problem.
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best friend online & overseas
