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An allergy test is not that horrible, I have had them done on my children. And if they are just testing for cats, that is not a problem, you could even take her yourself, and find out the results. That should be the first step, to make sure your ex is not just trying to manipulate and create an issue.
Here are the wierd things here.
1) Your current wife is so much of an ass... that she expects you to choose her cat over your daughter. I say: **** her
2) You knew that she will choose the cat over you.... before you got married to her.... and you still got married. WTF???? How can you marry a women... who loves a CAT more than you???? Damn man... you ****ed up.
3) Your daughter is allergic to the cat.... you needed to use an inhalater... and went on so for 10 months.... and never did you throw out the stupid cat???????? WTF man???? Your daughter comes first.
4) This women does not budge... that is a problem. ANY relationship.... is based on compromise... a cat for a family... hardly seems like a difficult choise. You your wife choses her cat... over the family you two have made... than **** HER.
Okay, I've heard opinions from people who are close to this impossible situation. Wanted to get some unbiased feedback from people who aren't close. Here's my impossible situation....
I got divorced in 2005. I have an 8 year old girl from that marriage.
A couple years ago, a long time female friend divorced her husband. We became close, and fell in love. We got married last year. She is now pregnant and due in 6 months.
I've always had my daughter on Sat. and Sun. all day, with a sleepover on a Sat. every other weekend. I moved in to my wife's house last year when we got married. Her and my daughter get along great. No trouble there.
My daughter however may have a minor allergy to my wife's cat. She also has seasonal allergies. She takes claritin daily. When she's over my place, occasionally she needs a puff of an inhaloer a couple times a day. That usually takes care of it.
Last month, my daughter was having bronchial trouble for a few weeks. My ex contributed it to the cat. She convinced the Dr. of the same thing (never been tested for allergies mind you). She had a bad asthma attack last time she slept over, a couple weeks ago. My ex flew off the handle Got the Dr. to say that my daughter shouldn't be with me if I'm in my house. Again, no allergy testing, and only last month of going to the Dr. for breathing problems.
Anyway, now the ex is threating to take me to court to have a judge order that my visitation goes away, unless it's outside of my house. But of course, a judge would force her to get allergy tested, which is horrible for a child.
Luckily, I have my parents and sister in the area and my daughter loves spending time with them both; especially my sister because then she has cousins her own age that she plays with.
Because she probably does have a minor pet allergy (although as I said an inhaler usually does the trick except for that one night --- one night out of 10 months), and because my ex says the next time she comes home coughing or allergic, that she'll take me to court. She has the money and the means to do it, and trust me, she will.....but because of this, I suggested that on Sat. and Sun., no more sleepovers, and very limited exposure to my house. I'd either take my daughter to my family's house(s) for a few hours, and then I'd spend time with her on my own for a few hours. I even suggested that every other weekend on Sat. and Sun. I devoted to my daughter, and on the alternate weekends, I devote to my wife and new baby.
My wife says no, I should devote all time to her and the new baby, and only see my current daughter an hour or two every other weekend because I can't leave my wife and child alone every other weekend all day. Not to mention it's not right that my daughter doesn't get to know her half-sibling because she's not allowed to be there due to the cat.
So I'm torn between losing my wife and new born, or losing my current daughter. I can't seem to think of a solution.
Either you take the cat to the groomer and have him shaved bald, or you get rid of the cat.
How the heck can you choose between your family and an animal?
I'm a cat lover but this is really odd to me that you're debating losing your own flesh and blood over her allergy to the cat.
Many many years ago when my cousin became PREGNANT her doctor didn't want the cat anywhere near her because of toxoplasmosis risk from the cat litter dust so I adopted her cat. I'm surprised that her doctor hasn't recommended the same!
Either you take the cat to the groomer and have him shaved bald, or you get rid of the cat.
How the heck can you choose between your family and an animal?
I'm a cat lover but this is really odd to me that you're debating losing your own flesh and blood over her allergy to the cat.
Many many years ago when my cousin became PREGNANT her doctor didn't want the cat anywhere near her because of toxoplasmosis risk from the cat litter dust so I adopted her cat. I'm surprised that her doctor hasn't recommended the same!
Strange.
I am also an animal lover. Especially dogs... but I like any sort of animal.... but wtf man... your daughter is more important than a cat. :|
I'd love to get rid of the cat. But honestly, if it's me or the cat, then the cat will win. We discussed this prior to the marriage - because my daughter had a sneezing attack. That's why we got her the inhalor from the Dr. In case the allergy triggered asthmatic reations. Again, they've been minor. At any rate, when we disscussed it before marriage we said that we'd work it out if worst came to worst. However, now it's not much of a discussion.
I really feel for you and wish you had gotten to know this manipulative woman before marrying her. Did your new wife change your wedding vows to "for better or for worse till death do us part, unless the cat comes between us"? That's sad! I can't imagine living my marriage second to a cat. I'm sure once your new daughter is born, your wife will have everything she wants, her cat and her baby girl.
I really feel for you and wish you had gotten to know this manipulative woman before marrying her. Did your new wife change your wedding vows to "for better or for worse till death do us part, unless the cat comes between us"? That's sad! I can't imagine living my marriage second to a cat. I'm sure once your new daughter is born, your wife will have everything she wants, her cat and her baby girl.
Yeah.... that's the worst part... living my life and marriage second to a... CAT WTF
hier very allergic person speaking...my cats can not be in the house,because i have the same problems like your daughter (they are very happy outside and in the garage..we live in california,beautiful,safe outdoors) the alergie test is very simple and can be easily done...
if test positive,child should not be exposed any more..under no circumstances...cat hair cause very bad asthma attacks in children and if something happens to your daughter,you would never forgive yourself and your wife!!!you do not play with allergic asthma!!
the cat can be put in a pet hotel for one day..your wife has to agree with that..if not,meet your daughter outside..unfortunatley you live in your wife's house..she can afford to be the boss,it looks like and you have no voice..in addition your wife put her cat above the health of your child!!..with other words..she does not care too much about your daughter and i personally do not consider her under these circumstances a good environment for your daughter any more!!!!yes,her mother has all the right to complain...and also to go to court.The health of her child is number one!
Do not complain about it,your ex wife has all the right to react like this.
my advice to you: a cat should not be farther subject of fights and discussion..having vet in familly,i know a lot about animals..people get very attached to their pets,they really DO love them very much and many handle them like their own children...the new baby deserve a father and a familly...i would respect the wife wish,if he does not agree with pet outside or pethotel,i would meet my child outside,try to arrange to meet the child outside,maybe you could sleep at your familly from time to time to be with her..just keep them separate:your daughter and new family...this is the best.But DO NOT NEGLECT YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!because of this issue.A smart man find solutions for every situation.Spend the same time outside,go on short travels with her...do the same amount of time,if your wife like it or not....
but people,i tell you something and i am an excellent pshyhologist..hier is not only THE CAT the problem...hier is some hate between ex and new wife..the poor cat is only an excuse to pick on each other...
i do not know ,how it happened...maybe the new one got pregnant,while he was still married..but i can say,i see way more issues hier...many facts and infos around it,we do not know...
Last edited by Buburuza13; 02-15-2011 at 05:15 PM..
I must say this thread was quite interesting....lol
First of all I have severe allergies. I am allergic to over 200 things..including cats, grass, all trees etc. I am the only one in my family on both sides who has allergies...at all. I have asthma as well..never had to to go to the hospital but it sure does scare you. I use an emergency inhaler and a steroid inhaler twice a day. I can not imagine how scared a little girl would be having asthma..as it scares me when I struggle to breathe and have to use it.
I tried to live with a cat and could not....so my cat went outside.
I was tested for allergies when I was 5 which was in 1980 and believe me it was scary then. They pricked your back many times with a small needle and it hurt. I have been tested several times since and it does not hurt at all. they just prick you in your forearm a few times and group together allergens. And it will tell you what she is alelrgic to..a beneficial thing to know. You could take her youself and find out exactly. And if she does have allergies she eventually will be taking alelrgy shots..I started out at 8 a week...4 in each arm when I was 4. Now at age 34 I am at 6 a week. You stop and take breaks in between..but if she has allergies she will have to get used to what triggers it and stay away..and she will have to get used to her medication routine.
And to tell you I have two outdoor cats that I love and are spoiled..they have cat houses that are homemade to look like out house and have small doors so dogs cant get in. They have two tree stands and cat cubes and beds. They have taken over the front porch and I do not mind at all....they have a huge litter box of mulch under our house just for them...
I have two indoor dogs that I am allergic to as well...I have to steam clean my carpet every week and vacuum every day with a mask. I have to keep the dogs off the furniture and they have their own room with their beds and such that I block off. they have a fenced in back yard which they stay out there as much as possible. I do not allow any pets in my bedroom. I have to take allergy pills and if I pet them I have to wash my hand immediately..and if i hold them I have to change clothes. I do suffer a lot for them....sometimes I forget and touch my eye...it has swelled shut before.
But my dogs are like my children....and are worth the trouble for me. BUT they are not worth the trouble for my children or husband or family. If one of my children became allergic they would have to go outside if possible full time or i would have to find them a new home. Your daughter will feel that you chose a cat/current wife over a cat. And if you choose your daughter then your new child by the current wife will be told more than likely that you chose the other child over him/her.
So you are in a no win situation really...at least in a little while.
I shudder to think what will happen if your new child is allergic...and it can happen. Not one person alive on my mother or father's side has allergies. And I have 4 sisters...not one allergy. Believe me it can happen.
So my advice to you is take your daughter and get tested..let the doctor see her medical records and he will give you a recommendation.
And your current wife needs to go to counseling. If there was a stranger standing in the road and my dog and I could only save one I would save the human being. Dogs come and go..and even though they are special and a part of your family in your heart..they will be gone. And replaced. I am not sure how healthy this marriage is after all and you might need to decide what to do about that regardless of what happens with your daughter adn the allergy problem.
And I hate to suggest this but...if it was me...and my daughter had allergies and could not be around a cat..and my spouse said cat stays...i think I would go..and I know I would take that cat with me and find him a home with someone that your spouse doesnt know. I would teach her a lesson about what is important and how fragile feelings are...She would not have me or her cat!
Good luck to you...
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