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She could be clueless or socially awkward. It went like this.
Her: So you have children in their 20's? . . . I thought you said you had children in their 20's that just graduated college? . . . Yes, you told me you have children in their 20's . . . yes, you said they graduated from college recently . . . : Yes, you said you have children in their 20's. . . .
It was a really bizarre exchange. I mean how many times do I gota tell the woman I don't have more kids? . . .
Maybe your neighbor has a disease, disorder, or condition which impairs her brain function, self-control, and recognition of social cues. This is assuming there is an underlying condition and not just a mean, self-rightous personality to blame.
Maybe she can't recall that she had the conversation about college and kids with another woman. By arguing the point with you, she may be trying to convince herself of her mental acuity. (I'm not crazy!) Imagine that she truly believes that YOU told her about those college graduates and now, suddenly, you deny those children and call her mental competence into question.
I would argue that she is seriously lacking self-control because her comments and actions are impulsive and without regard for others' feelings, moral judgement, or even the law.
The fact that she persists without picking up on social cues makes me think that she has a problem. Her husband had to shout at her to get her to drop the subject? Her lack of empathy for the heavy child, divorced woman, & foreclosure situation, make me consider Aspergers. Most people take cues from body language and facial expressions, but people with Aspergers, ADHD, and other disorders and diseases can have serious impairment in these areas.
She definitely tried to be nice and neighborly towards you with the invitations and plants, but she seems to be missing a social filter.
Think of your own way to tell her that you think that she is nice (and thank her for those efforts), but that sometimes she says things without filtering them and that your feelings have been hurt. Maybe, she'll understand and maybe . . . blah, blah, blah . . . You get my point.
Oh, look. Somebody has a shelf full of pop psychology books.
Hey if you really do have something real to say, you can, as I understand your defensiveness. Any book I had on that though was over 100 bucks and a textbook. Far from pop culture fun books like that. Sorry to blow through another assumption again. And that last little comment...is that tact? Is that respect? Is that diplomacy? Is that maturity?
It blows me away that the huge concern here is how "neighborly" to be to someone who should be arrested. How much of a "peaceful retreat" are these people gonna have when this demented B has HER reason to break in and sneak around THEIR house? You really think thats the FIRST or LAST time she is goin to do that unless something BIG happens to her regarding her bahavior?? I bet thats just the tip of the iceberg. Imagine the things she does that she doesn't "brag" about to her neighbors. The OP should be calling the cops, if not, Im sure karma will "thank" her for her silent approval/assistance.
Ouch. Well I dont think karma is going to pay me a visit because of the actions of others. That is bit of a stretch. Karma will visit her not me. I think she is wise enough to know not to snoop around my house. She is not a professional criminal. Just a self righteous know it all.
To put your mind at ease, since you feel so strongly about me getting the cops involved, there rambo, I have..sort of. My brother's friend who we grew up with is a police officer. A detective actually. I called him up. He asked me if I personally saw her go in the house. No, I did not. He said she might be telling stories to gossip but his gut feeling is that the woman did go through the house because of the detail she provided. He said its common. Neighbors get nosey and go through foreclosures. He told me not to get involved UNLESS I personally see her. He said he has seen far worse situations with bad blood between neighbors than a nosey neighbor poking around a house that is empty. He said if I see her going in, to call him and he will call my local sheriff dept. so I remain anonymous. I dont think she will go through the house again because she has satisfied her curiosity. He flat out told me she was stupid for even telling anyone she did it in the first place because if something does up come missing, all eyes are on her.
Last edited by fallingwater; 05-18-2011 at 01:31 PM..
Reason: spelling
Hey if you really do have something real to say, you can, as I understand your defensiveness. Any book I had on that though was over 100 bucks and a textbook. Far from pop culture fun books like that. Sorry to blow through another assumption again. And that last little comment...is that tact? Is that respect? Is that diplomacy? Is that maturity?
Oh, tact and diplomacy is wasted on some people after awhile. Even I will admit that, so I'm just borrowing your approach. And, having known my fair share of psychology majors and psychologists in my lifetime, I can say with certainty that those $100 textbooks far from guarantee understanding of human interaction. You're living proof.
As far as contributions to this thread, I'm thinking I've provided far more value by counseling moderation. Meanwhile, the sum total of your contributions on this thread has basically been, "Walk up to your neighbor and let her have it!" As if that's going to extend the circle of love and understanding.
Based on that, while you brag about your life experiences, I'm guessing they aren't enough to fit on the head of a pin. No matter what a bunch of astonished grownups might say about you.
Oh, tact and diplomacy is wasted on some people after awhile. Even I will admit that, so I'm just borrowing your approach. And, having known my fair share of psychology majors and psychologists in my lifetime, I can say with certainty that those $100 textbooks far from guarantee understanding of human interaction. You're living proof.
As far as contributions to this thread, I'm thinking I've provided far more value by counseling moderation. Meanwhile, the sum total of your contributions on this thread has basically been, "Walk up to your neighbor and let her have it!" As if that's going to extend the circle of love and understanding.
Based on that, while you brag about your life experiences, I'm guessing they aren't enough to fit on the head of a pin. No matter what a bunch of astonished grownups might say about you.
So again you unhealthily negate my tactics on baseless speculations or a singular interaction between you and I? And you use a backhanded comment on wasting your energy? Mature?
And what you are doing is hardly borrowing any approach of mine. And do not quote something I never said. I said drop the bomb and discuss. So you value yourself because its coming from you. Ok. Thats fine. But don't act like there are not other ways to go about it. And again you degrade to more baseless insults instead of healthy communication. If you were so skilled socially as you claim to be you would not have to resort to this type of tactic that is yours alone. If this is how you handle conflict no wonder you have to drop walk instead of drop and discuss. I personally think both contributions have value and its of worth to entertain all approaches and pick the best one for your personality.
Life experiences. You don't know me. So again speculation and the insult says a lot more negative things about you than it does I. And we've all heard the term "out of the mouth of babes" Sometimes children can make more common sense that adults who do some political dance to make everyone assume they are a good person. Im smack dab in the middle of childhood and old age. So much to my dismay...i am one of those kinda old people the young uns hate ever so much.
If this is how you handle conflict no wonder you have to drop walk instead of drop and discuss. I personally think both contributions have value and its of worth to entertain all approaches and pick the best one for your personality.
Just my opinion but I dont want to drop and discuss, I have better things to do with my life than (IMO) waste it talking to neighbors I don't even care about.
But by all means if drop/discuss works for you then who am i to judge?
Just my opinion but I dont want to drop and discuss, I have better things to do with my life than (IMO) waste it talking to neighbors I don't even care about.
But by all means if drop/discuss works for you then who am i to judge?
I honestly think D&D is more a girl thing. But I also care about all my neighbors too so double whammy. Have to run the yap! LOL
Anytime I had issue with a male it was a lot less verbal communication and more:"im looking at you, your looking at me and we both know its not alright"
LOL
Most males are better at letting things go without having to dissect it and have less interest in personal change and caring for others. Maybe its the mommy gene that gets us females.
I honestly think D&D is more a girl thing. But I also care about all my neighbors too so double whammy. Have to run the yap! LOL
Anytime I had issue with a male it was a lot less verbal communication and more:"im looking at you, your looking at me and we both know its not alright"
LOL
Most males are better at letting things go without having to dissect it and have less interest in personal change and caring for others. Maybe its the mommy gene that gets us females.
you are right, I think these things would bother women more than men, not to play the gender card of course.
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Maybe she can't recall that she had the conversation about college and kids with another woman. By arguing the point with you, she may be trying to convince herself of her mental acuity. (I'm not crazy!) Imagine that she truly believes that YOU told her about those college graduates and now, suddenly, you deny those children and call her mental competence into question. 
I would argue that she is seriously lacking self-control because her comments and actions are impulsive and without regard for others' feelings, moral judgement, or even the law. 
The fact that she persists without picking up on social cues makes me think that she has a problem. Her husband had to shout at her to get her to drop the subject? 
Her lack of empathy for the heavy child, divorced woman, & foreclosure situation, make me consider Aspergers. Most people take cues from body language and facial expressions, but people with Aspergers, ADHD, and other disorders and diseases can have serious impairment in these areas. 
Think of your own way to tell her that you think that she is nice (and thank her for those efforts), but that sometimes she says things without filtering them and that your feelings have been hurt. Maybe, she'll understand and maybe . . . blah, blah, blah . . . You get my point. 
