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I am seeking advice not as a parent, but as a brother. First, I am 16 years old and my brother is 18.
My brother has been stealing from me since I was 12 years old. Ive continued to tell my parents and they are very aware of what has been going on since i was 12.
The issue is that I feel my parents have been neglecting to give him serious punishments for his actions since i was 12. They more or less would sit him down and give him the speech "this behavior has to stop." However, now that he is 18 years old and is done with high school i feel like he should be kicked out of the house.
Basically his life consists of smoking pot, playing video games, and watching family guy. He gets his money for the pot from steeling from me and other members of the family. He steals items and money.
At this point i am so fed up with it and feel like my parents are abusing me for making me live in the same room with him while he goes through my stuff as I sleep.
Previously when i have talked to my parents they tell me that i need to lock my items/money in my safe. But i cant even have a wallet because he will find it and rob me.
My parents know that he is a failure. However, when I told my mom how i feel she said "What do you want me to do".
I need advice bad. Please help me decide what i need to do or what i could tell my parents. It hurts so bad when he is stealing and there is nothing i can do.
Please don't say i need to talk to him. Ive tried.
What about your dad? What is his reaction? I hate to say it, but a lot of mothers won't force their hand on their "wayward" adult sons. If your parents won't do anything about him, then you do what you have to to protect yourself from getting robbed. Get a safe to keep your things in. If you find your loser brother smoking pot at home... call the police. That should wake up your parents.
Do your parents complain about him stealing from them? If they do, just tell them, "what do you want me to do?" Then suggest they buy themselves a safe.
And the next time your poor excuse of a mother says "what do you want me to do", tell her she needs to kick him out or she'll be stuck with him when he's 50... still smoking dope, playing video games, and taking money from her purse.
My mom lives with this, and I don't visit because he's at the house, at 51 years old, smoking pot, pilfering her purse, drinking, watching tv. Oh, wait... most of us don't visit.
My father was going to kick him out when he turned 18 in july. However, that came around and it just fizzled away. My dad is much more of a hard arse and still doesnt have it in him.
The other day i caught my dad coming out from our room with tears swelling up in his eyes after he had a conversation with my brother about how he should be going to college. (this is only the second time i have ever seen him cry)
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress
Do your parents complain about him stealing from them? If they do, just tell them, "what do you want me to do?" Then suggest they buy themselves a safe.
They've caught him stealing from them before and they continue to give the same lecture about how he is going to go nowhere.
Ive told my parents we continue to have these conversations and nothing changes. However they wont listen even after he stole $350 worth of items and money just this summer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress
And the next time your poor excuse of a mother says "what do you want me to do", tell her she needs to kick him out or she'll be stuck with him when he's 50... still smoking dope, playing video games, and taking money from her purse.
Ive told her that exact thing and she gives me an excuse like "i cant just throw him on the street, he will be homeless begging for money".
Thanks for the help. Any other advice?
I feel like its time for me to take matters into my own hands. However whenever i threaten to call the cops my parents act like im just a whiner--"but the phone down, your not gunna call the cops".
p.s.
I dont really know the laws on thievery. When he steals from me there is know way i can be certain it's him and i feel like this wouldnt hold up in court or w/e.
Do you have any other relatives you could stay with? Maybe grandparents or aunts and uncles?
It seems your parents have given up on your brother but are allowing him to abuse you and that's wrong.
Otherwise do you have a friend who would let you bring all your stuff so that your brother can't take it? Just until you can get out on your own. Your parents are what's called "enablers", and as long as they allow this, your brother has no reason to mend his ways.
Sometimes families won't do anything to solve situations like this. Study hard and try to go to college away from home. I don't think you would be able to solve anything by yourself, so I think you'd have to live with your brother stealing or move out as soon as you can.
You can't control others, only yourself. So, that being said...don't leave any money, or possessions where your brother can help himself to it. Ask your parents to help you establish a savings account. Hide the information from your brother. Plan your escape from this insane asylum. Spend your time at the library studying, practicing sports, working, or at friends homes. Figure out what you need to do to get a scholarship to get to college, to get away, and work on that plan...it will keep you sane. Be home as little as possible. If college is not an option, look at military when you turn 18, if that is not an option, look at Peace Corps.
You can only control your own life, and your own actions. Not the behavior of others. Learning that early is a blessing.
You can't control others, only yourself. So, that being said...don't leave any money, or possessions where your brother can help himself to it. Ask your parents to help you establish a savings account. Hide the information from your brother. Plan your escape from this insane asylum. Spend your time at the library studying, practicing sports, working, or at friends homes. Figure out what you need to do to get a scholarship to get to college, to get away, and work on that plan...it will keep you sane. Be home as little as possible. If college is not an option, look at military when you turn 18, if that is not an option, look at Peace Corps.
You can only control your own life, and your own actions. Not the behavior of others. Learning that early is a blessing.
My family is fairly well off. I suppose I am somewhat fortunate for my parents accomplishments. My college is already paid for. Its just the here and now that is bothering me at the moment.
Im a computer aficionado, so i have many parts that are very valuable. It is impossible for me to lock all of my possessions up. My brother is crazy. He even goes through my laundry looking for money.
Thanks for the advice!
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
Otherwise do you have a friend who would let you bring all your stuff so that your brother can't take it? Just until you can get out on your own. Your parents are what's called "enablers", and as long as they allow this, your brother has no reason to mend his ways.
This seems to be the only option. Sad truth, but i guess you guys are right. Ive just gotta tuff it out. I cant control him or my parents.
I would find other family to live with and tell my mom and dad exactly why . I think both your parents have failed you and your brother by not making any consequences for his bad behavior such as making him move out and seeing it through . I think your mother should have called the police and had him thrown in jail for stealing from you . Does your mother seem to think that because it was a family member it is not really stealing ? well what would have happened if he had stolen from a friend of his ? he would have went to jail and i can tell you from your moms response she would have bailed him out . Just look at it this way go to college and forget about your brother because your mother and father will be supporting him for the rest of their lives .
I don't know it it would amount to anything by calling the police to say he stole from any of you, BUT.... if he is smoking pot at home, call the police then. And tell your parents, "I told you I would."
As for your dad... why in hell won't he make your brother get a job? To hell with college, he most likely won't make it anyway.
Sorry you're going through this, cicicicico. It must be tremendously frustrating for you.
Unfortunately, trying to make your parents deal with him differently, or more to your liking, is an exercise in futility. They are going to do what they're going to do, for whatever reasons they have to do it, and you aren't going to be able to get them to change their approach to him, no matter how wrong and obvious it all seems to you.
If you have college payed for, then I would focus on that, on getting your grades and doing what you need to do. It may seem like a long way off, but it isn't really, and soon you'll be out of there - and you can let them get on with their dysfunctional selves.
If you can find a less chaotic household to live in while you finish up high school, that would be one alternative. Otherwise, do whatever you can to keep your stuff safe and away from your brother. There's not much you can do but be proud in the knowledge that you have not gone down the same path, that you have a bright future, and that you'll be able to go on to live a life of purpose and value.
Try not to let the actions of the rest of your family consume you. Focus on yourself, feel sorry for them, not bitter - and go make your mark in the world. Good luck to you, kid.
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