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Stop and think what she would be like to be married to, then it might be easier to see why she is having marital problems. She sounds like a spoiled brat to me. She doesn't like being treated like she treats other people, but she see's nothing wrong with how she treats people. If I were you I would maintain the friendship, but I would also understand that her expectations of you are greater than they should be. Do your own thing first, take care of her needs when you have time and nothing else to do. She would never put you first, you would be foolish to put her first, even tho she expects it.
Since your friend is going through a divorce (or probable divorce) she is going through probably the lowest point in her life right now. She needs someone (maybe you) to be there for her. For what she is going through, it would be normal for her to act crazy and selfish. You need to decide if you are up for this or not. If you are not, then just be honest with her and let her know. If are are up for this, then just let her be "temporarily insane."
When I was going through a tough breakup (not a divorce), my friends weren't there for me and it was bad. I met a complete stranger who was willing to take me in, let me be crazy, let me call him at all hours, listen to me, drop everything for me. That's what got me though that tough time.
Snd485.....I think you're going to her place and bringing her breakfast after she's had a fight with her husband is too much!!...I feel if there's any chance of them reconciling their differences, it'll be slim to none if she knows there's no need....as she has YOU to lean on....personally I'd back off a bit...so she'll have more incentive to deal with her marital problems herself....after all...she IS still married.
I've been friends with this woman for a number of years. We met in graduate school and have been close ever since. In school, we'd hang out every daya and she helped me get through a tough breakup. She finished school before I did and moved abroad soon after, where she met her now husband. My friend and her husband moved back to the States a while ago and now we live in the same city. When she first moved back, I thought we'd hang out and talk a lot, but she was always busy spending time with her husband and I seldom saw her. I was new to the city so I didn't have many friends and I was a little upset that she didn't want to hang out very often, but I got over it and ended up meeting new friends.
Now, my friend and her husband are having serious maritial problems. They don't talk unless it's yelling and they are likely going to get divorced. I talk to my friend a lot and I'm happy to listen and let her vent and we hang out every couple of weeks or so. But here's the problem...she's so jealous. She refuses to meet my new friends and whenever she asks me to do something and I say I'm busy, she gets mad. I would be happy if she came and hung out with my other friends and me, but she refuses and the one and only time she did, she made one of my other friends feel uncomfortable by being rude. Also, she's having financial issues and the last couple of times we hung out, she wanted me to pay for everything. I really don't have a problem paying for dinner or a movie for us every once in a while, but I don't want to do it all the time.
I do enjoy hanging out with my friend and up until recently, I felt like we could talk about anything and that we'd always be there for eachother...but I don't know if I can deal with this. I've tried to explain how I feel to her but I don't know if she doesn't listen or doesn't care. Either way, the whole thing is getting on my nerves and I've started letting her calls go to voicemail.
This is weird, right? Has anything like this happened to anyone else? If so, what did you do?
Thanks,
Snd
It sounds like she is using you (whenever she needs something, you have to be there for her, whenever she is happy, she doesn't care much about being with you)
I would reduce the quantity of help that you give her (so that she learns to stand on her own two feet and you don't end up being a security blanket each time she has a problem)
You don't owe her as much as she is taking. And whenever she meets another guy, she drop you again, after having upset your life and your friendships with other friends.
It sounds like she is using you (whenever she needs something, you have to be there for her, whenever she is happy, she doesn't care much about being with you)
I would reduce the quantity of help that you give her (so that she learns to stand on her own two feet and you don't end up being a security blanket each time she has a problem)
You don't owe her as much as she is taking. And whenever she meets another guy, she drop you again, after having upset your life and your friendships with other friends.
Yeah I agree with this. You've done more than enough to show that you have her back. Make sure that you don't drive yourself crazy and sacrifice too much of yourself and time. She's in a really bad place right now and she isn't being appreciative of what you're doing for her. There's only so much you can do. You're not obligated to go out of your way for her, especially since she's not meeting you half way. It's not your job to save anybody. Hopefully, she values your friendship enough to see what she's doing wrong.
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