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lastra...you did the right thing...she'll come around...don't worry,... and don't regret what you said...it needed to be said....sometimes you just have to tell them how it is....I've done the same...and only good has ever come of it.
I ask because in my experience (I have these mothers in my family as aunts and great aunts) their sons tend to be quite passive and very mama's boy like.
He should have told his mother to back off. Not having you be pitted against her in a mother vs wife thing.
Mothers get so possessive of their sons and I've never understood it. Perhaps it's a "my son is the only man for SURE will never leave me| type of thing because a husband can get tired of you and divorce but a child is different.
Didn't he see her actions and just let them go? Only her son can tell her straight and she'll get over it. Daughter in laws setting MIL's straight puts strain and fractures the relationship forever because it's a "coming in between my relationship with MY son and HIS kids, etc"
Your husband is the issue here in my eyes. He's just sitting on the sidelines watching his wife and mother have words and strain and he's sitting on his a$$ not saying or doing anything. She has no boundaries and her son should have told her in FIVE years about it.
Now it's too late. She should have been told during that first year-2 years.
This whole scenario I've seen over the past 20 years featuring my great aunt (grandma's sister) her ONLY son and her daughter in law. He's SUCH a passive, pathetic guy and his mom and wife honestly "hate" each other. The rest of the family talks about it all the time because it's ridiculous. As a kid of 7 of knew they disliked each other. Even I could see it and see how the son just walks around doing nothing about it.
Your husband should have set boundaries a LONG time ago. How old is this man? Over 18 set mom straight!
if you told her what you think by email things can easily go negative. sorry.
let husband handle it by phone or face to face
Yes, I did write an e-mail, because that's how we communicate the most nowadays, with the exception of when they come and visit. She is a type of person that always thinks is right, no matter what the topic is. So it will be interesting to see will she actually back off a bit when it comes to certain subjects when my husband asks her to, or not. He told her many times in the past, not to bother us about having kids, and even though she backed away for couple of months, she was back into her "when are you going to have kids" routine.
But today, she was telling me ( again ) how we should have another one...and after a long discussion back and forth, I told her that it gets frustrating when her and other people keep asking us about that constantly, and that it shouldn't be noone else's concern but ours. And that we love her. I left it like that.
Knowing her, she will probably think I hate her now and not talk to us for couple of days. While my husband keeps telling me that I can't let my mother-in-law walk all over me all the time, and now that I finally told her what I think, I feel pretty bad that I told her this cause I know she'll get offended...I guess why I feel bad is because she's my husband's Mom...I used to just keep quiet before...but today I just felt the need to say something. Does any of you feel bad after you disagree with your in-laws? Thank you.
You have a baby to take care of and this constant nagging is certainly not good for your health or family life.
I think as long as you expressed your concerns with her in a respectful manner, and it sounds like you did, then you did nothing wrong. It's good that your husband supports you and if he also thinks that your MIL was walking all over you, then the discussion was absolutely necessary. You did tell her that you love her and hopefully she'll focus on that and not get too offended. Best of luck!
Yes, I did write an e-mail, because that's how we communicate the most nowadays, with the exception of when they come and visit. She is a type of person that always thinks is right, no matter what the topic is. So it will be interesting to see will she actually back off a bit when it comes to certain subjects when my husband asks her to, or not. He told her many times in the past, not to bother us about having kids, and even though she backed away for couple of months, she was back into her "when are you going to have kids" routine.
I find it works best to establish a routine mantra to repeat over and over every time someone asks you something you've already given them an answer about. No matter what they say you just keep repeating your mantra and refuse to engage in discussion about the subject.
For instance, next time she brings the subject of having more kids up you simply say, "we've already given you our opinion about this and it hasn't changed". Repeat it no matter what she says back to you until she changes the subject
No, actually, quite the opposite. He would tell her things in the past ( about this and other issues ) and it seems that she would listen to him for a while, and then go back to the same routine. It's worthy of mentioning that nowadays, she doesn't bother him about the kid question as much, because he'll just tell her no and ignore her afterwards. She only bothers me with questions like these ( nowadays ). I think that's because she thinks she can manipulate me because I'm not the type of person to stand up to almost anyone ( can be a bad thing ). So, I believe in her mind, that if she can convince me of having another one, that I would then convince my husband. I think that's why she's always asking me those questions. I think he'll just have to politely remind her whenever she starts getting back to her old routine.
For instance, next time she brings the subject of having more kids up you simply say, "we've already given you our opinion about this and it hasn't changed". Repeat it no matter what she says back to you until she changes the subject
I think we'll have to do just that, until one day, she hopefully gets a "hint".
Tell her every time she brings up the subject, you will delay any consideration of having another kid for a year. And the third time she asks (and she will), tell you'll be scheduling a vasectomy for your husband.
My friend's husband told his mother that. She got all frantic and demanded to know why my friend couldn't get a tubal instead! LOL
Your husband needs to step in NOW and support your position. You're not the bad guy, and your husband needs to tell the MIL he agrees.
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