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Time for my rant.... this has to be one of the worst days of the year for me. I cannot stand mother's day.
It all starts with my mom. She is super sensitive and takes all kinds of things as a slight. For instance, last year my wife and I went to church in the morning, then split the day evenly at the parents houses. Spent 3 hours at her parents, then over to my parents for 3 hours in the evening.
Afterwards, I got reamed out by my dad for not devoting enough time to my mom on "mother's day." I was angry at the time, and just anxious this year since there was not much else I could do. As it was, I was running all day, skipped our two (now three) year old's nap, and spent as much time with each of our mom's as we could.
So here we go again. Day is starting out with my wife having to go into church way early, because she volunteered to sing in their mother's day choir. We will be there probably from 9 AM to 1 PM. After that, need to try and split the day between the two families. Since I cannot give any one mom all day, I am fearful of hurt feelings.
No advice needed really. I am going to try and be as nice and accomodating as possible. However, by the end of this marathon day, I am going to be beat. Definately not looking forward to it.
Anyone else's families take the fun out of what should be a fun day?
Why do you both have to be at each mom's house? That's absurd. You go take your mom out to brunch, and your wife can do whatever with her mom. No reason to go nuts over it. Sounds like you have already made the day into more that it needs to be.
I am a Mom of an only child who is totally oblivious to how I truly feel about Mother's Day. This year, he came to visit me (minus his wife) and I had to ask him what his plans were for Mother's day. He blurts out that he is taking his Mother In Law out for lunch then they are going to a ballgame. No mention of what he wanted to do with me if anything. My reactions was "OH"...then I asked my husband, his step dad to leave the room as I needed to "settle" a few things with my son. I have yet in all the 20 plus years my son has been married to really lose it over a holiday. I get absolutely no time with him for Thanksgiving, dinner on Christmas Eve with ALL her friends and relative and perhpas 2 hours Christmas Day, I go to his house with the inlaws there on Easter and now here is Mother's Day and I have no clue what is going on.
Did I lose it with him?? You betcha. Sometimes getting hurt over and over with no time being spent with my ONLY child is like a slow ticking bomb..just seems so selfish. Anyhow, once again I had to make the compromise and relinquish my right to celebrate Mother's Day on Sunday and chose to celebrate on the Saturday before. It was better than alienating my son for all holidays.
Your case sounds pretty fair to me for spending equal time with both parents. Suggestion....perhaps next year give yourself a break and have both sides come to your house for a brunch. This way your child gets the nap she needs and you don't have to pack everyone up to be somewhere.
As for me? I am still not feeling this holiday. I will get my Saturday, maybe, and no Mother's Day card...after all, I get no birthday card, no card for our anniversary, no recognition of anything other than the fact that I do iron his work shirts because he can't afford the dry cleaner and his wife doesn't iron..nice, huh?
I'm sorry you are hurting
If you feel your son is thoughtless perhaps teaching him/instructing him how you'd like to be treated would be better than stewing over the way you feel slighted? I mean, what good did yelling and losing it with him really do?
Start fresh with him and have a quiet intimate conversation, just the two of you, where you explain to him what your feelings and expectations are. I mean, he sounds kind of clueless to me. Laying it all out with workable solutions could maybe ensure things would be different for all your special days going forward.
Invite them both to church then both back to your house for a bbq or a nice home cooked meal. Hate to say it, but it seems like the mother of the sons WHEN they get married seem to get the short end of the stick.
When you get married, your spouse becomes your immediate family. Also you gain another mother (MIL) and your wife may or may not eventually become a mother herself. So now you're torn between 3 women.
I had this discussion with my wife before we got married and I basically stated that I was not going to have any split time and that she needs to make it clear to her parents to at least meet mine and try to get along. I, at the same time, said I would do the same with my parents.
I know it always doesn't work out for some couples, but I was not going to deny time with my wife, and I was not going to deny her time with her mother and likewise myself with my mother.
It wound up working out for us, but I took the initiative to show I was not going to sit idle and in silence hoping things would work out themselves.
I watched my friend get walked all over by both sets of parents. Yes he was too afraid to say anything and all the stress went on them.
Why do you both have to be at each mom's house? That's absurd. You go take your mom out to brunch, and your wife can do whatever with her mom. No reason to go nuts over it. Sounds like you have already made the day into more that it needs to be.
Splitting up would work, except there is no way to split up our daughter.... and the "moms" all want to see her too.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,701 posts, read 41,820,547 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pammyd
I am a Mom of an only child who is totally oblivious to how I truly feel about Mother's Day. This year, he came to visit me (minus his wife) and I had to ask him what his plans were for Mother's day. He blurts out that he is taking his Mother In Law out for lunch then they are going to a ballgame. No mention of what he wanted to do with me if anything. My reactions was "OH"...then I asked my husband, his step dad to leave the room as I needed to "settle" a few things with my son. I have yet in all the 20 plus years my son has been married to really lose it over a holiday. I get absolutely no time with him for Thanksgiving, dinner on Christmas Eve with ALL her friends and relative and perhpas 2 hours Christmas Day, I go to his house with the inlaws there on Easter and now here is Mother's Day and I have no clue what is going on.
Did I lose it with him?? You betcha. Sometimes getting hurt over and over with no time being spent with my ONLY child is like a slow ticking bomb..just seems so selfish. Anyhow, once again I had to make the compromise and relinquish my right to celebrate Mother's Day on Sunday and chose to celebrate on the Saturday before. It was better than alienating my son for all holidays.
Your case sounds pretty fair to me for spending equal time with both parents. Suggestion....perhaps next year give yourself a break and have both sides come to your house for a brunch. This way your child gets the nap she needs and you don't have to pack everyone up to be somewhere.
As for me? I am still not feeling this holiday. I will get my Saturday, maybe, and no Mother's Day card...after all, I get no birthday card, no card for our anniversary, no recognition of anything other than the fact that I do iron his work shirts because he can't afford the dry cleaner and his wife doesn't iron..nice, huh?
I kind of have to play devil's advocate in this situation. Have you directly (no hmmph, no eye action, just direct talking to his face) addressed your feelings with your son? Most men are simple and need to be directly told that you have a problem with us that we can address. We don't do well with emotional cues of figuring it out ourselves. Think of it as going to a doctor can't treat you if you don't tell em what is wrong.
I come from your son's perspective because this will be my first mother's day not living at home. I feel a little guilty I haven't spent too much time there since moving out to my own apt just 50 minutes away. I honestly have no idea how my mother's morale is without me at home. She doesn't make it known to me. I'd be happy to visit more if she felt she was not getting enough time with me and verbalized it.
Why can't all the families get together for one big Mother's Day together?
I mean, your wife is a mom, too! Why is she getting dragged around to all the different places?
I vote for an annual big family dinner to celebrate all the moms. Catered by the dads and kids.
That sounds good in theory, but when you are in a family where there are so many divorces and remarriages and children overlapping - six mom's and more can be a bit overwhelming, toss a few grandmas in there, children with children what not and stir carefully.
Splitting up would work, except there is no way to split up our daughter.... and the "moms" all want to see her too.
Then you tell them they can come to you, or you can celebrate MD with them on another day. You have but one daughter, and it's just silliness to allow yourself to get all stressed over something you have control over.
I love hosting holidays at my house that way I don't have to go anywhere and if people start misbehaving I can drink a few glasses of wine and not have to worry about driving home
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