Oh goodie! Another fun day of balancing family over a hallmark holiday! (talks, member)
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Send both moms flowers and call telling them a white lie about how you can't make it (e.g. you or your 3 y.o. is vomiting and it might be stomach flu). Next, cook (or carry out) a scrumptious dinner for your wife (you cannot go out for Brunch as you might be spotted). Then, do the dishes, present the hand-made Mom's Day toddler craft that you assisted with (something with handprints is usually a winner), put the kid to bed, present the piece of jewelry that you bought your wife, give your wife a great massage, and give her the best Mother's Day ever.
Next year, plan an out-of-town Mother's Day getaway with your wife and child so you will not be stuck in this mess again.
LIE?? Are you kidding me?
What's wrong with having a spine and telling the truth? The mother of his child comes first now, not his own mother.
Why? Her sensitivity is HER problem, not his. He can't go out to brunch if he feels like it because he might get "caught"? What is he, 12?
I guess my attempted humor with the "getting caught at brunch" line missed its mark with you. And, actually, her sensitivity (and his Dad's "reaming") does seem to be a problem for him, otherwise he wouldn't have created a multi- paragraph post about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
Or he can just be honest and Mom can learn to deal.
I'm assuming he has explained the facts to Mom and she (and Dad) still can't deal. He should definitely try the honesty route first. He should also try the rotating holiday route or even having the festivities for all moms at his house.
However, if Mom still can't deal, the White Lie and/or skipping town are usually preferred to having mom (and dad) mad at you (and all the drama that it creates for others), while you're in their house, on Mother's Day.
**Also, if they sneak out for Brunch, they should wear disguises -maybe trench coats, hats, glasses, moustaches (even the toddler) - and sit at a corner table with their backs toward the door.
**Note: The previous paragraph was my attempt at humor again (I know, I'm not very good at it).
What's wrong with having a spine and telling the truth? The mother of his child comes first now, not his own mother.
Yes, a White Lie after honesty does not work. Doesn't mean he doesn't have a spine. It means he knows how to keep everyone happy. The mom's will likely know it's a White Lie, but it will probably go down better than the hard honesty of saying "My wife is more important than you today" as there will be less fall-out.
I think the strategic use of the White Lie is misunderstood on this Relationship forum. I need to get back to the Business forum.
Yes, a White Lie after honesty does not work. Doesn't mean he doesn't have a spine. It means he knows how to keep everyone happy. The mom's will likely know it's a White Lie, but it will probably go down better than the hard honesty of saying "My wife is more important than you today" as there will be less fall-out.
I think the strategic use of the White Lie is misunderstood on this Relationship forum. I need to get back to the Business forum.
A persons inability to handle the truth is not the fault or responsibility of the truth teller.
A persons inability to handle the truth is not the fault or responsibility of the truth teller.
Never said it was. Just trying to make the day easier for the OP (and everyone else) as he is the one subjected to his mom & dad's "reaming" and it obviously bothers him.
Go ahead OP, tell your mom the cold, hard truth that it is more important for you to be with your wife that day and your mom needs to accept the truth.
I'm sure she'll handle that great (based on her past history) and neither she nor your dad will do anything to annoy you. If she or your dad is upset, tell them you are not responsible for their feelings, but only responsible for yourself (the truth teller) and ensuring The Truth.
I'm assuming he has explained the facts to Mom and she (and Dad) still can't deal. He should definitely try the honesty route first. He should also try the rotating holiday route or even having the festivities for all moms at his house.
What he should not "try" is appease the unreasonable mother route.
Your profile says you have a daughter. Unless she's from a previous marriage, that means your wife is a mother. That means you and your daughter spend the day with your wife, and you and your wife send your own mothers flowers. That's what that whole "cleaving unto each other" bit in the wedding ceremony is about.
If you want to make up for it, have both sets of parents come over for a little party for Grandparents' Day. That's in September. Both mothers should be over their drama by then.
Invite them both to church then both back to your house for a bbq or a nice home cooked meal. Hate to say it, but it seems like the mother of the sons WHEN they get married seem to get the short end of the stick.
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