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Thank you people! I don't feel so alone now knowing I'm not the only one who honestly doesn't enjoy being around most of my family. I liked them more when there was over a thousand miles between us. I got suckered back into the you owe it to your parents to move back home spiel and have regretted it ever since. Mother is mentally ill, both mom and dad were abusive when I was a child. Dad's current wife has multiple severe mental illnesses on top of being a holier than though religious bigot. None of my aunts, uncles, cousins save for one cousin have ever had any contact with me as an adult and they don't have anything to do with each other either so its not just me. Dad is funny because he talks like a white supremist even though my family genealogy research shows he is from 3 ethnic groups. Regardless if I visit him he is constantly speaking derogatory towards non-whites, off course gays, liberals, Democrats, the college educated (who he deems are idiots compared to his high school dropout intelligence). His wife who talks 90 miles a minute like a chipmunk on speed will chime in condemning everyone who doesn't have the same religious beliefs as her as evil, going to hell and will break down into a audible prayer right in the middle of conversation like she was mental. So uh yeah I don't enjoy being around them but spend about 4 hours a week visiting dad and practically race out the door when my time is up. How would you feel being multi-racial having a parent that condemns non-whites plus having same religious beliefs and not being a hater of other ethnicities or gays, etc. Also I'm college educated so I'm basically everything he hates. On top of that they get angry at me because I refuse to go out to dinner with them as they eat out nightly. But I don't eat fast food, am on a strict diet to lose weight, plus have 30 food allergies so this is an on-going tension between us and is why they got mad at me tonight.
I'm not biracial/multiracial but I may as well be. I turned out a lot like my dark biracial Latvian/Apache Indian dad and the fact that I look nothing like my mother has come up quite a bit with new people over the years. My brother looks like our mom and his dad, toehead all the way and we don't even look related.
Mom recently told me it used to annoy her when a former neighbor called us Salt and Pepper as a joke. I never even knew that. I remember one of my friends saying that though when I was a kid and I said something like "Naw, we're more Sugar and Cinnamon." Yeah I'm a dork lol.
My mom acts like my dad's heritage doesn't exist (or her own dad's German background for that matter). It's so important to her to follow her mother's Norwegian heritage, but screw everything else. She even started nagging me once for never doing any Norwegian traditions and I was floored. I was like "I KNOW NO NORWEGIAN TRADITIONS!!!" I still can't believe she said that.
To be fair I think my grandmother tried to keep Norwegian traditions in the family in regards to holidays and such but it got lost among my uncles' wives and their own family traditions (another thing my mom is still mad about).
Your family surpasses mine though in discounting your food allergies. I mean come on now, that's nuts. My condolences to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chef.sunny22
Right now my brother and sister are having MAJOR drama. I am very glad I do not live near them. They are now vying with each other to out do the drama and get our parents' attention.
I have enough problems with my husband being unemployed, not wanting to live in this town, my son's issues, and life to deal with it. We live 4 hours away and may move further and that is okay with me.
Funny, when we lived nearer and had to live with my folks, WE were the screw ups. We moved away, my brother moved in, and now they complain about HIM.
My sister was recently complaining about him (bro) at our parents for Mother's Day and how she felt ignored, blah, blah, her kids weren't fawned all over for a change, his new girlfriend and her son were favored, blah, blah.
Welcome to my world.
I loved reading those texts from 4 hours away as I sat in my dining room, enjoying my quiet with my immediate family.
Some people are just martyrs. They need someone else to make them miserable. My mom is definitely that. She complains about my brother and I incessantly. She complains when I don't call. She complains about my work schedule and how it's inconvenient for us to see each other. She complains when I talk about the lack of minutes on my phone as why I can't talk long. She complains if I call too early, too late. And it's never the same. It always changes. She complains incessantly about my brother to me, then noticeably treats him better when we're all together and I start feeling like I'm not even there. Don't even get me started about my stepdad. She complains about him too and then treats him like the king.
I was driving him around last summer, doing him a favor since he lost his license and I found out later he was throwing cigarette butts on my car floor. Yes I'm still mad about it. Together they completely ignore me and I wonder why I subject myself to their nonsense. I am however glad that I work most holidays so I have an escape from that. Only I can't drink before work. Ugh, it's all so maddening and headaching and bellyaching... Sorry about the mini-rant.
I'm glad I'm not the only one! For me, I'm Ok with my immediate family. The problem is I have two sister-in-laws (the outlaws) who are a couple of witches! My one brothers' mind has been poisoned by his wife and I can't stomach him for very long anymore, he makes racial remarks which bother me and mine and he never used to be that way until he got with her. Once, he was my kids favorite uncle. She has even turned my only nephew against our family. Sad.
My avoidance fluctuates. Normally I can be communicating with my mom a couple times a week but if I have something going on which disembarks me from my routine I let days go by and before you know it I avoid her because she nags me and leaves me nasty messages why I haven't called or why I don't answer the phone. I'm ADHD and I get overwhelmed with anxiety having to get reamed by my mom.
Loving these responses-they are helping me feel even more validated. I am on no contact with all of my biological family and have been for over 4 years now. I'll be 23 in a few months and my life has only gone uphill since ending contact with them. When I explain their behaviors and attitudes to other people, I describe them as the cast of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
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Yes I'm still mad about it. Together they completely ignore me and I wonder why I subject myself to their nonsense. I am however glad that I work most holidays so I have an escape from that. Only I can't drink before work. 
Ugh, it's all so maddening and headaching and bellyaching...
Sorry about the mini-rant.
