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I realize that this friend is from Manhattan and I am from Austin, but she feels a need to diss everything I like. Whether it's a certain food, style of bedframe or a pair of shoes.
And this is not simply a preference issue. She will make comments about my tastes such as this: "Oh, I used to like those when I was really young. When I met my boyfriend, I decided to go a little less young, girly and got rid of it." And she refuses to eat any food from a can-she must make her own broth from scratch. I respect that, but she looks down on me for using canned broth.
I guess the longer I know her, the more I feel less inclined to share details with her about anything. She is, however, good at conversation, debate and the occassional dinner out.
Yes, this is silly, but I would love to hear from those of you who might relate to this-from either side.
I realize that this friend is from Manhattan and I am from Austin, but she feels a need to diss everything I like. Whether it's a certain food, style of bedframe or a pair of shoes.
And this is not simply a preference issue. She will make comments about my tastes such as this: "Oh, I used to like those when I was really young. When I met my boyfriend, I decided to go a little less young, girly and got rid of it." And she refuses to eat any food from a can-she must make her own broth from scratch. I respect that, but she looks down on me for using canned broth.
I guess the longer I know her, the more I feel less inclined to share details with her about anything. She is, however, good at conversation, debate and the occassional dinner out.
Yes, this is silly, but I would love to hear from those of you who might relate to this-from either side.
This is the kind of thing that gives New Yorkers a bad name.
Thing is, you can run into people like that anywhere, though.
Or did you mean that you expect your tastes to be different because you're from different parts of the country, but don't know why she's being a snob?
I would just keep my distance from her. If she's good for the occasional dinner out, then put her in the "occasional dinner out" friendship category. There's no rule that you have to become close buddies with every acquaintance you make.
This is the kind of thing that gives New Yorkers a bad name.
Thing is, you can run into people like that anywhere, though.
Or did you mean that you expect your tastes to be different because you're from different parts of the country, but don't know why she's being a snob?
I would just keep my distance from her. If she's good for the occasional dinner out, then put her in the "occasional dinner out" friendship category. There's no rule that you have to become close buddies with every acquaintance you make.
I think there is such a vast cultural difference, and we are opposite politically as well.
She puts down Texas and the way most people behave naturally.
It's not easy to make friends period, but I guess you are right. Better to see her for the occassional dinner and leave the personal stuff for family and others who won't act so superior.
When I met her, she was coming out of a bad divorce and was not this obviously snooty. This behavior has become more apparent in the year I have known her. I suppose she is feeling more "like herself" now.
...Yes, this is silly, but I would love to hear from those of you who might relate to this-from either side.
You have already characterized this so-called friend as "snooty," which implies that you are not. Having established that, why not pack it in and try and find someone who may measure up to your standards.
I think there is such a vast cultural difference, and we are opposite politically as well. She puts down Texas and the way most people behave naturally.
It's not easy to make friends period, but I guess you are right. Better to see her for the occassional dinner and leave the personal stuff for family and others who won't act so superior.
See, and on my local board, I was just saying yesterday that sometimes people from the New York area get a reputation for that kind of thing. I know you're not attributing her behavior to being from New York--and thank you for that--but sometimes I want to tell people, "Could you maybe just try, for one day, not to live up to the obnoxious stereotype?"
Anyway, many years ago, I read something in a magazine about different levels and types of friendship. There were Movie/Culture/Book Club Buddies, Dinner Buddies, Sports/Softball Buddies, Drinking Buddies, Childhood Buddies, Work Buddies, etc. The article spoke of how they can overlap, but the gist was that different friends meet different needs for company, and that common interests carry more weight in some friendships than in others, the others having more to do with history (childhood buddies) or mutual affection (best friends). It was an interesting article, but I read it back in the 80s so I can't find it now. It might even have been in Cosmo.
I guess now they would have to include a category for Online/Blog Buddies.
I cut this Dear Abby Article out long ago and it stays on my fridge. Pay attention to #7
Finch School Maxims
1) believing in people usually brings out the best in them
2) there is always another side;suspend judgement.
3) there is always a solution to every problem. Do not waste time on self-pity.
4) be considerate. Your actions affect others and others people's feelings are
Just like your own.
5) be kind. Remember that other people are as intuitive as you are and judge.
You just as you do them.
6) be sincere. In the long run everyone will find out and judge you by your
True self and not by your pretensions.
7) Snobbishness of any kind is a sign of limitations.
8). Remember that recreation must be to re/create for work
9). Remember that you must be worthy and capable of love to be able to give
Or to keep it.
10) remember that you have a soul just as you have a body and social self.
Do not starve it.
I live in a very affluent area of ATL. lots of pilots and airline executives. Some of these women go on and on about their lives, example " for brian's BDAY
were flying to IRELAND for the weekend!
Whenever they get snobby, I just remember # 7, they are obviously filling a hole with putting you down. What a sad state they must be in to have to do that.
Also, a line from a song from Big Country " I never took the smile away from anybody's face and that the way to tell to if someone is still a child."
I can't tell you if the relationship is worth saving but these are great ways to think when dealing with a snob.
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See, and on my local board, I was just saying yesterday that sometimes people from the New York area get a reputation for that kind of thing. I know you're not attributing her behavior to being from New York--and thank you for that--but sometimes I want to tell people, "Could you maybe just try, for one day, not to live up to the obnoxious stereotype?"
