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Wow, how rude of you.
It's only one or the other?
Did you raise your kids on a diet of "I could have been an alcoholic parent who beat you so you better be grateful and let me control your lives..."
Are you really trying to put your personal unhappiness and guilt on the OP?
Really?
Just wow.
right back at cha . my kids love me and call me every other day and just to say hello wow imagine that ..
right back at cha . my kids love me and call me every other day and just to say hello wow imagine that ..
Yet you tried to guilt the OP because of your unhappiness growing up...
For some reason, I can't believe you wouldn't guilt trip your kids if they didn't call.
Give him the numbers you want him to have. And that's it! In return, be responsive and make sure you call him back and talk regularly. Especially in the beginning. He probably is somewhat overprotective but you are also more adventurous than the average 24yo. He is probably a little jealous too. He wishes he could do those things and wants to live a little by hearing about your adventures. How would you feel if the situation was reversed?
I left home at 14 and went to school in another country. Way back before cell phones and email. My parents were frantic but we all survived. We had to write(OMG) letters. And it took more that a week to get there.
I wonder if you would rather have an alcoholic parent who used to beat the crap out of you just for not picking up a sock off the floor instead of the great sounding dad you seem to have ? Man what I would not give for my dad to call me twice a week . Jeeze count your blessings . I dont have folks who care and that has always hurt me .. Im glad I was a better parent to my kids than I ever got .. count your blessings ..
Quote:
Originally Posted by chielgirl
Wow, how rude of you.
It's only one or the other?
Did you raise your kids on a diet of "I could have been an alcoholic parent who beat you so you better be grateful and let me control your lives..."
Are you really trying to put your personal unhappiness and guilt on the OP?
Really?
Just wow.
I was thinking the same thing as chielgirl. Either your parents are alcoholics who beat you or they are overprotective control freaks. No happy medium?
Last edited by luckynumber4; 06-21-2012 at 03:14 PM..
Hello everyone, I recently got a job offer to teach English in Brazil and I will be leaving the country in a month. My future boss (principal of the school) arranged for me to live with a lady who normally lives with foreign teachers etc. We became friends on FB and have been e mailing each other recently. Well the reason of this thread is because my dad wants the number to the land lady's house, and also my work. Knowing him, he will say he'll call if there is an emergency but he tends to make an excuse for calling otherwise.
We agreed that I will buy a phone in Brazil and I'll text him whenever he texts me, I will send him emails throughout the week and talk to him on the phone at least 2 times a week. Though when he requests the numbers from my work AND the landlady's house I get aggravated and I tell him that he can have my work's number only for emergencies.
The reason why I am so hesitant in giving him those numbers is because 4 years ago when I was 20, (I am 24 now) He had the numbers to the place I was staying at and the school I was attending. I was studying abroad in Argentina at the time. I felt very smothered even though he was thousands of miles away.
Is it right for me to not give him the landlady's number? He will have my work number (only for emergencies) and my cell number when I buy a phone down there.
Does he not trust me?
I know he is worried about me but honestly I do not want the phone to be ringing off the hook and for him to track down every little thing I do.
I am going to Brazil to grow and to not be smothered.
So what is it?
I would not give him the number to the landlord. It's not necessary and I can't believe he's even asking for it. My parents are extremely protective, and when I went abroad my parents just wanted the address to where I was living and a call on skype at least once a week. I just don't see what use the landlady's number could possibly be. You are an adult and aren't obligated to give him that much information, especially if you don't trust him not to abuse it.
I totally agree with the people here who say you should be the one to set the limits that make you comfortable. I'm old enough to be your parent, but I also can remember what it was like when I was young and traveled abroad. I think the Skype suggestion was a good one and I'm glad you're considering it. If your father can actually SEE YOU and know you're in one piece, that should be enough to reassure him from week-to-week that your are doing well.
I also see the point in him wanting a number to phone in case you don't call in at your usual time. Otherwise, he sounds like he will be calling Interpol. But one of those numbers (your work or school) should be enough of a back-up. If he speaks Portuguese and has the landlady's number, he's liable to think he can be her new best friend and chat her up daily to pump her for info about you. That might injure your relationship with her.
As for your cell phone, would it be possible for you to text him instead of answering his cell calls in person? That way, you could be responding to let him know you're alive, but you wouldn't be required to entertain his desire to chat. And then once a week he could see you on Skype.
I remember that with my parents I had to be very firm in the boundaries I set and had to be totally consistent in enforcing them. Otherwise, they wanted to believe nothing had changed from when I was 12. Many parents think their children, no matter their age, can't live without them and they have a right to their children's time and space even after they're grown. In the days when I started traveling abroad my parents COULDN'T call me at all and, guess what?, I lived and so did they.
I don't think daily contact between parents and adult children is any assessment of how much they love each other. It's just as likely to be an unhealthy co-dependence. You sound respectful of your father's needs for assurance, but don't do anything you're not comfortable with or you're setting a precedent.
Wow, how rude of you.
It's only one or the other?
Did you raise your kids on a diet of "I could have been an alcoholic parent who beat you so you better be grateful and let me control your lives..."
Are you really trying to put your personal unhappiness and guilt on the OP?
Really?
Just wow.
I was thinking the same thing. Do I prefer to have an alcoholic dad who doesn't give a crap about me? No. However, parents need to realize the part of growing up is to let their kids (who they raised so confidently) to venture out and do their own thing. Thanks Chielgirl.
I totally agree with the people here who say you should be the one to set the limits that make you comfortable. I'm old enough to be your parent, but I also can remember what it was like when I was young and traveled abroad. I think the Skype suggestion was a good one and I'm glad you're considering it. If your father can actually SEE YOU and know you're in one piece, that should be enough to reassure him from week-to-week that your are doing well.
I also see the point in him wanting a number to phone in case you don't call in at your usual time. Otherwise, he sounds like he will be calling Interpol. But one of those numbers (your work or school) should be enough of a back-up. If he speaks Portuguese and has the landlady's number, he's liable to think he can be her new best friend and chat her up daily to pump her for info about you. That might injure your relationship with her.
As for your cell phone, would it be possible for you to text him instead of answering his cell calls in person? That way, you could be responding to let him know you're alive, but you wouldn't be required to entertain his desire to chat. And then once a week he could see you on Skype.
I remember that with my parents I had to be very firm in the boundaries I set and had to be totally consistent in enforcing them. Otherwise, they wanted to believe nothing had changed from when I was 12. Many parents think their children, no matter their age, can't live without them and they have a right to their children's time and space even after they're grown. In the days when I started traveling abroad my parents COULDN'T call me at all and, guess what?, I lived and so did they.
I don't think daily contact between parents and adult children is any assessment of how much they love each other. It's just as likely to be an unhealthy co-dependence. You sound respectful of your father's needs for assurance, but don't do anything you're not comfortable with or you're setting a precedent.
Yes that is what I was concerned about and I could see that happening. I don't need that.
I have a similar overprotective father so I can relate to the OP. I say there is not reason to give the landlady's number as he may call her and aggravate her so much it causes tension between you and her or else like someone else said try to pump her for information on your every movement. I moved almost 2000 miles away from my father who was this way. He demanded a lengthy email every day or else he was on the phone calling to see if I was dead. He refuses to learn texting or will not set up voicemail on his phone. The caring is nice, but it can get out of hand. I missed a call once because I wasn't in mood to talk and he called one of my friends who practically tore down my door as he & his wife had convinced my friend that I was dead and he was about ready to call the police all over not answering my cell phone. They had sent me a package to be held at FedEx so I discovered when I went to pick up the package that they had called and told my entire life story including my list of illnesses and how I was such a "good little girl who always called home, didnt drink, never did drugs, etc" to the young woman at the Fedex office. Do you know how embarrassing that was since I was 41 years old? She got quite the chuckle out of it. Having parents that care is nice but some go overboard. My own father is so controlling he still tries to prevent me from having any friends and has always tried to prevent me from dating & now that I moved back closer to him tries to convince me its not safe for me to grocery shop in the next town, so I have to sneak like a criminal to even go out of town and have a social life. My advice to the OP is 2 numbers is enough and learn to set boundaries or you will have no life of your own.
I have a similar overprotective father so I can relate to the OP. I say there is not reason to give the landlady's number as he may call her and aggravate her so much it causes tension between you and her or else like someone else said try to pump her for information on your every movement. I moved almost 2000 miles away from my father who was this way. He demanded a lengthy email every day or else he was on the phone calling to see if I was dead. He refuses to learn texting or will not set up voicemail on his phone. The caring is nice, but it can get out of hand. I missed a call once because I wasn't in mood to talk and he called one of my friends who practically tore down my door as he & his wife had convinced my friend that I was dead and he was about ready to call the police all over not answering my cell phone. They had sent me a package to be held at FedEx so I discovered when I went to pick up the package that they had called and told my entire life story including my list of illnesses and how I was such a "good little girl who always called home, didnt drink, never did drugs, etc" to the young woman at the Fedex office. Do you know how embarrassing that was since I was 41 years old? She got quite the chuckle out of it. Having parents that care is nice but some go overboard. My own father is so controlling he still tries to prevent me from having any friends and has always tried to prevent me from dating & now that I moved back closer to him tries to convince me its not safe for me to grocery shop in the next town, so I have to sneak like a criminal to even go out of town and have a social life. My advice to the OP is 2 numbers is enough and learn to set boundaries or you will have no life of your own.
LMAO. Think my dad is a little more liberal than yours, but that's amazing how overprotective he is still, considering your age.
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Having parents that care is nice but some go overboard. My own father is so controlling he still tries to prevent me from having any friends and has always tried to prevent me from dating & now that I moved back closer to him tries to convince me its not safe for me to grocery shop in the next town, so I have to sneak like a criminal to even go out of town and have a social life. My advice to the OP is 2 numbers is enough and learn to set boundaries or you will have no life of your own.
