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My brother is getting married in a few months and my GF and I have been invited and are attending (I am a female also). Before I got with my GF, I was with a man for 8 years. During that time my then BF got close to my family, watched my other brother grow up and still goes to visit my parents. He is also invited to the wedding.
As far as me and my GF, I met her while she was with someone else and we got close over a few months. The girl she was with treated my GF like crap and I hated that my GF was with her at the time. Well that's been over for a while, but they still own a house together, so they have to talk from time to time. I ask my GF to speak with this woman when I'm not around if possible and I don't attend events where this girl might be as well (they have two common friends). This rarely happens.
So, this weekend, my GF mentioned that if my brother and his future wife sit my family, including my GF, and the ex BF together at the same table, that it's a slap in the face to us. I happen to feel that they are too self absorbed to even realize it, however, my GF would prefer that he was seated at the friend table and us at the family table. I have no idea how these weddings work and I don't know what my brother will do. Should I tell my brother not to sit us together, assume that they know better, or take the risk that it might be an uncomfortable situation? I am hesitant not to do anything because I know how my GF will feel because I've been in this situation. On the other hand, I don't feel like I can be walking around telling my family what to do.
Also, we will be there for a total of 4 days. I'm hoping that my parents know better than to invite the ex BF to stay with us at the house we will be renting, but I'm assuming they will want to invite him for a dinner while we are there. Would the best thing to do in that case be to leave with my GF the night they decide to have him over? I don't know how my Mom will take that...if she would take offence? My GF's feeling are my number one priority, but I don't want to look like an a$$ either.
My relationship with the ex is OK, we don't talk much, and everything was amicable. My GF isn't jealous, but she feels that since I don't want her ex anywhere around, she should be able to feel the same and I have to agree.
Basically, I'm just looking for suggestions and/or advice and also should I assume that my family knows better, or is everyone too involved in their own business to care/notice how something affects someone else? Any do I have any rights to say what they can and cannot do, or do I leave it up to them and just adopt?
Nothing wrong with politely asking your brother not to sit you at the same table as your ex. Also nothing wrong with letting your family know it would be awkward to have your ex around the house while you're there with your girlfriend. At least then you can say you were up front about how you feel and no one has to assume you'll be ok with an arrangement that isn't ideal.
Nothing wrong with politely asking your brother not to sit you at the same table as your ex. Also nothing wrong with letting your family know it would be awkward to have your ex around the house while you're there with your girlfriend. At least then you can say you were up front about how you feel and no one has to assume you'll be ok with an arrangement that isn't ideal.
I agree. You need to tell you family so they know that it is a concern. I'm sure that they will respect your wishes and it will all work out. Enjoy the wedding.
Nothing wrong with politely asking your brother not to sit you at the same table as your ex. Also nothing wrong with letting your family know it would be awkward to have your ex around the house while you're there with your girlfriend. At least then you can say you were up front about how you feel and no one has to assume you'll be ok with an arrangement that isn't ideal.
Completely. Just politely put in your requests with your family. I doubt your brother would want you to be uncomfortable at the wedding, but it could happen inadvertently if he isn't aware. Especially if he is not going to take an active part in the seating chart. (I basically did my wife and I's seating chart for our reception, but a lot of grooms don't get that involved in the planning).
As for the rental situation, if the family wants to have your ex for dinner, maybe you and your GF could politely excuse yourselves from that evening and go find a nice place for a dinner for two. Over the course of 4 days, I am sure the two of you will want to break away for some personal time on occasion, around spending time with the family!
I think you 2 need to grow up and put your pasts behind you.
From what I am reading you are going to ask that you not sit at your the family table just because of an ex boyfriend you have no feelings for and is a close friend of the family. That is crazy and self-centered in my opinion .
It is your brother's wedding, you can politely ask, but that could be putting him in an uncomfortable situation. The wedding is HIS day. Not yours and your GF
1. The only reason she doesn't want him around is because of how you feel about HER ex - not for any personal reason. She's playing tit-for-tat and that's a red flag for your relationship you have to deal with.
2. On the other hand, it is how she feels and I understand you respecting her wishes on this.
We are all entitled to our feelings, but she doesn't seem to have any particular feelings against your ex only wants things to be equal (not fair), that perhaps they aren't feelings at all. I think it's childish of her to try to pull you away from your family at what should be a family celebration.
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You need to tell you family so they know that it is a concern. I'm sure that they will respect your wishes and it will all work out. Enjoy the wedding.
