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So, my sister is in her late 30's with no marriage prospects in sight (no boyfriend at all right now). She's actually living in my parents' basement, but it's not a money issue (she has a good job). I think that it's really more for my parents' benefit than hers, but that's another long story.
She was getting antsy and decided to try one round of IVF (that's all she had the money for), and it worked. She's 10 weeks pregnant. She chose the sperm donor from a profile.
My problem: I don't have an objection to single women having kids in general. I am, however, concerned about the long-term outlook. I'm thinking about what it would be like for a child to grow up without knowing anything about his/her father or the whole paternal side of the family. My parents won't be around forever (they're in their early 70's), and I am worried about how this will all work down the road. I'm just...worried. I want to be happy for her, but I'm having trouble b/c I'm very apprehensive about this for her. I know she wants to get married, but I also know that there are many men who don't want to parent someone else's child. I'm probably overanalyzing.
My Mom is always getting on me for "raining on her parade" with my hesitation and doubts. Of course, the last time I didn't join in on the celebration was when she met her ex-fiance who wound up being a prescription pain med addict. So, for that one anyway, my instincts were right.
This situation is different. Men would think she wanted to be a mother. Its not the same as having the father/ex husband/ baby daddy around. She showed she is not a fool by going IVF and not just sleeping with anyone she could find until she got pregnant. I agree with what she did considering her age and income. A younger woman doing the same with no money would be in the fool category.
I wonder about the good job but could only afford 1 round of IVF.
She's in administration at a private school. Not a six figure income, but plenty for a single person without a mortgage. IVF runs about $25-$30 K, I think. That's a pretty big chunk of change for a single person.
But I've gotten to a point in my life that Life is too short. If this is what she's desired to do...and well, she's already done it the best thing you can do is to be there for her.
It's kinda too late to close the barn door.
If she's ready, willing and able to be a Mom, she should have this opportunity. Love your sister and love your niece/nephew!
It wouldn't have been the choice I would have made, but it was HER choice and it's her life. She sounds like a responsible person and that she will be able to raise a child on her own,. I wouldn't worry about it - I'd just love her and love the new addition to the family!
It really does not matter...the bun is already in the oven. And even if your sister had been married, there is no guarantee the Father would have stayed around anyway, or even acknowledged the child. So, at least the child does not have to deal with rejection. Believe me, there are lots of "sperm donor" Dads out there that bail on their kids...
My problem: I don't have an objection to single women having kids in general. I am, however, concerned about the long-term outlook. I'm thinking about what it would be like for a child to grow up without knowing anything about his/her father or the whole paternal side of the family. My parents won't be around forever (they're in their early 70's), and I am worried about how this will all work down the road. I'm just...worried. I want to be happy for her, but I'm having trouble b/c I'm very apprehensive about this for her. I know she wants to get married, but I also know that there are many men who don't want to parent someone else's child. I'm probably overanalyzing.
My Mom is always getting on me for "raining on her parade" with my hesitation and doubts. Of course, the last time I didn't join in on the celebration was when she met her ex-fiance who wound up being a prescription pain med addict. So, for that one anyway, my instincts were right.
Someone talk me down!
Conception the natural way is no guarantee that a kid will know anything about his or her father's side of the family. Or even the mother's. Adoption records are usually sealed.
When you get right down to it, it's your sister's life, and she calls the shots. It's really not your place to have a "problem" with what she decides to do for herself and her child, including how she conceives said child and how she raises the wee lad or lass.
And besides, there is nothing you can do about it. She's pregnant. She's having a child. It's a done deal. What, exactly, do you think being "concerned" is going to accomplish now? You're certainly not going to talk her into an abortion or giving the kid up for adoption. So what will expressing your "concerns" at this stage achieve, except to alienate your sister?
If I were you, I'd keep my mouth shut and instead look forward to being an aunt.
oh chill and get excited! Do you realize how many deadbeat dads(sperm donors) are out there?? Too many. She will answer the questions the child may ask,same as she would if a deadbeat dad were involved.
Your sis is in her late 30's,not a teen-which would be a whole other set of issues. She is well old enough to make her own decisions. And she did.
Worry about your sister (or anything) once there is a problem.
Most of what people 'worry' about never happens.
That takes an awful lot of joy out of life.
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