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I recently lost someone who used to be a very close friend. We lived together for about a year and a half and had been friends prior to that for a couple years. Things started going south towards the end of last year. I know this sounds nuts but she got really into Twitter and she changed a lot. She met a lot of new people on there and became obsessed with tweeting everything she did throughout the day. We had a fight because I was also on Twitter and followed one of her new friends. She called me a friend mooch which didn't go over well and really hurt my feelings.
Earlier this year she met a guy on Twitter who lives many states away. Within a couple months she told me he was planning to move cross country and move in with her (after only meeting ONCE in person for a couple days). I disapproved but whatever, her life. I made plans to move out which I did a couple months ago. The guy still isn't here by the way. Everytime he sets a move date something comes up and he's unable to come. A few weeks ago her and her cousin that I'm also friends with had a huge fight. I wasn't there at the time of the fight and it had zero to do with me. The cousin is getting married in less than 2 weeks and they couldn't resolve their differences and my "former" friend ended up being kicked out of the wedding (I'm also in the wedding). I tried contacting my friend last week...she replied once and that was it. I had to go by her place a few weeks ago to pick up something and we were going to have dinner, but when I got there she said she already ate and didn't want to go out, so I got my stuff and left.
The point is we're not friends anymore. I don't want to be friends with someone who behaves that way and causes drama before her own family member's wedding. Plus I've tried to reach out and been ignored. I feel uneasy though...this person was my friend for a long time and it's hard to just walk away without saying my piece. I know in romantic relationships closure is really important, but what about in friendships? Should I reach out one last time or just forget about it?
I prefer closure with friendships if there were transgressions that caused the friendship to end. Sometimes, the closure hasn't been fun, but makes for great storytelling.
I don't need closure if it was just a "drifting away," such as a relocation or someone got married and their life took them in a different direction.
No, not really. Closure is kind of a myth, its nice if it happens, but it rarely does.
If the person behaves like that and doesn't respect you, good riddance.
Alot of people these days don't respect boundaries. I cant imagine getting in a huge fight about a "friend" on twitter though. When I went through that type of drama once on FB, I deactivated it for good.
...same here. Though I can see sort of a kiss-off "exit interview" type thing as sort of helpful if there was bad blood like this. Usually there was a percipitating event then things just fizzled and stopped.
I recently lost someone who used to be a very close friend. We lived together for about a year and a half and had been friends prior to that for a couple years. Things started going south towards the end of last year. I know this sounds nuts but she got really into Twitter and she changed a lot. She met a lot of new people on there and became obsessed with tweeting everything she did throughout the day. We had a fight because I was also on Twitter and followed one of her new friends. She called me a friend mooch which didn't go over well and really hurt my feelings.
Earlier this year she met a guy on Twitter who lives many states away. Within a couple months she told me he was planning to move cross country and move in with her (after only meeting ONCE in person for a couple days). I disapproved but whatever, her life. I made plans to move out which I did a couple months ago. The guy still isn't here by the way. Everytime he sets a move date something comes up and he's unable to come. A few weeks ago her and her cousin that I'm also friends with had a huge fight. I wasn't there at the time of the fight and it had zero to do with me. The cousin is getting married in less than 2 weeks and they couldn't resolve their differences and my "former" friend ended up being kicked out of the wedding (I'm also in the wedding). I tried contacting my friend last week...she replied once and that was it. I had to go by her place a few weeks ago to pick up something and we were going to have dinner, but when I got there she said she already ate and didn't want to go out, so I got my stuff and left.
The point is we're not friends anymore. I don't want to be friends with someone who behaves that way and causes drama before her own family member's wedding. Plus I've tried to reach out and been ignored. I feel uneasy though...this person was my friend for a long time and it's hard to just walk away without saying my piece. I know in romantic relationships closure is really important, but what about in friendships? Should I reach out one last time or just forget about it?
Do you want to reach out and be friends again or do you just want to know what went wrong?
You may feel the need for closure, but this individual obviously doesn't. You have seemingly tried w/ a couple of recent contacts...but they didn't follow through i.e. your dinner plans. You seem to have done what you could. I'd reassure you that you did your part....eventually the other person may reach out, or not. The ball so to speak...seems to be in their court. Go on about your life, we all deserve friends that mutually care about us. Good luck to you
Do you want to reach out and be friends again or do you just want to know what went wrong?
No, I don't want to be friends anymore. I have a pretty good idea of what went wrong. I guess there's no point really...she isn't going to change no matter what I say and even if she did the damage is too extreme for us to be friends anymore.
I actually deleted my Twitter right after that happened. Social networks are not worth the drama sometimes.
In my humble opinion, you should give it another chance. Twitter and other social media sites aren't the problem. She has her friends in individual boxes with MINE stamped on 'em. Meaning, she's a possessive controlling friend who wants all of her friends to love her but never each other so she never has to compete for their resources (attention, favors, etc.) Eventually, this problem would have occurred in real life with you making a cool new friend of one of her friends and out comes the axe!! Off with your head!! There's not such thing as friend poaching. Had you been trying to manipulate a breakup of their friendship, I could see her point but that's not the case.
I had a similar situation with an old friend. I contacted a mutual friend through his page and once he got wind of that he cut my access to all his other friend. But, I didn't leave the site. I just quarantined him so he couldn't go on a smear campaign with any of my friends and kept enjoying the site and making new friends/contacts. Don't let it ruin the whole experience. It has nothing to do with her and she certainly doesn't OWN the site.
I've never had a friendship end with definite closure.
Me neither. I have some current long term friends, But 3 others from the old days just faded out. One disappeared quickly, And 2 others just moved on and left the past behind according to what i know. None were on bad terms with me. Sometimes life just divides friends, either slowly or quickly. I wish them well and think about them every now and then.
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