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I have a friend who has never shown much interest in boys outside of a couple high school crushes and as far as I know has never kissed anyone of either sex. She seems to get along better with females but hasn't expressed any serious interest in any person romantically. She did have a sexual encounter with two other girls, but I know one of them gets a kick out of pressuring others to experiment with her and my friend is rather timid.
I know if she is gay then she has to decide for herself when to come out, but is there anything we, her friends, could say to let her know that we love her and support her and want her to be happy...without coming out and saying we think she may be gay?
Straight mom of a gay dd here so take it fwiw: No, I really don't think so. It's not a good idea to reach in and pull someone out of the closet b/c she may be coming to terms with her own feelings. Just be available to talk and let her come out with it when she's ready.
I think I have a great deal in common with your friend. No real interest in either gender nor relationships, I've only kissed one person but I'm not keen on kissing just anyone, get along great with females but that really isn't an indicator either way on sexuality. Often seen as asexual, but she really could be on any part of the sexuality spectrum. I wouldn't be surprised if your friend were the kind of person who kind of gets shy when the topic is brought up because she's afraid she'll be scrutinized.
Here's the deal, don't make it a bit deal because then she'll probably get embarrassed and retreat but she probably feels her sexuality and relationships are a very private matter and doesn't want them discussed. Do something indirectly like talk how cute this gay couple and their child were that you saw yesterday (make it up). Don't say something like, "I would love to see you with a girl, guy, or whoever!" because though it sounds very sweet and sincere...it's still a bit too much. Do say, "You know I'm always here when you want to talk about anything under the sun."
Honestly as someone like your friend, I preferred that the topic stayed far away from dating and relationships no matter how perplexed my friends were with mine. She may want to just figure out what she likes on her own and should she find someone, I'm sure you'll be the first to know. You sound like a great friend to her.
I don't know much about asexuality. They still crave an emotional connection with another person, right? Just not physical? And how does gender come into play there?
We're all just concerned about her being happy. I don't want her to waste years of her life being too afraid to be herself (whoever that may be). If she's straight and just shy, I want to start helping her get comfortable around guys. But if she's gay, I specifically want to avoid looking like I'm pushing guys at her.
I don't know much about asexuality. They still crave an emotional connection with another person, right? Just not physical? And how does gender come into play there?
We're all just concerned about her being happy. I don't want her to waste years of her life being too afraid to be herself (whoever that may be). If she's straight and just shy, I want to start helping her get comfortable around guys. But if she's gay, I specifically want to avoid looking like I'm pushing guys at her.
Yes, asexuality has nothing to do with gender. There are homo-romantic (has romantic feelings for the same sex but is not interested in sex), bi-romantic (feelings for both sexes, still not keen on sex), and hetero-romantic (opposite sex attraction...you get the picture).
Now, I understand you want her to be happy, but you also need to realize that this is none of your business. When my guy friends would ask me, "Why won't you date already? There's nothing wrong with you! Silverbelles, I just want to see you in a relationship!" and the female friends, "Silverbelles, I wish you were in a relationship because we could double date! Ooh, let's talk about men you are attracted to!" I appreciated their concern, but it was also so awkward and often annoying to keep hearing that. Some people are just late bloomers and your friend sounds like one of them. You cannot hasten her path to romance and it will be *her* who decides when she will and how she will begin to feel more comfortable around men. It is your job as her friend to be there if she has questions and to ultimately respect her decisions in regarding to dating/not dating.
I have a friend who has never shown much interest in boys outside of a couple high school crushes and as far as I know has never kissed anyone of either sex. She seems to get along better with females but hasn't expressed any serious interest in any person romantically. She did have a sexual encounter with two other girls, but I know one of them gets a kick out of pressuring others to experiment with her and my friend is rather timid.
I know if she is gay then she has to decide for herself when to come out, but is there anything we, her friends, could say to let her know that we love her and support her and want her to be happy...without coming out and saying we think she may be gay?
Can't you just continue to love, and support her as you are now, surely that makes her happy....
Can't you just continue to love, and support her as you are now, surely that makes her happy....
But I don't think she is happy, I think she's pretty lonely. Unfortunately we live in different states now but we keep urging her to move back close to her hometown where more of her friends are. She's living with her parents, paying them rent and working an entry level job that won't go far and isn't anything she's passionate about.
Sometimes people do benefit from a push, I just wish I knew how to start a conversation to figure out if she needs a push or if she just needs to be left alone.
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