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I have noticed that many people only consider you a friend when they need something from you. Very few people hit there friends up just to chat and catch up. I almost never hear from my friends unless they comment on something I post on Facebook or Instagram. They almost never text me or message me. Yes, sometimes I hit them up just to see what’s going on but most of the time it seems like we just don’t have much in common to talk about. I have grown tired of trying to make new friends through meetups or other social venues. Any of you in my situation ?
I really don't have any friends any more, but it's for various reasons (nothing dark or sinister on my part). But I'm perfectly fine with it. I have no demands, and no needs. If friends come along, that would be great and welcomed. But otherwise, I'll keep things free and light. I guess I've grown tired of wrestling with much of life that can't be changed. So I adopted a different approach that keeps me positive and undemanding. Takes the strain and load off of life.
You mentioned Facebook, but that seems to largely make people for fake and superficial. No one really seems to be real with themselves or each other. A lot seems to be self-promotion. And the whole communicating online / remotely will never compare to living / breathing interaction, looking into each other's eyes, body language, all the dynamics or personal interaction. Of course, in contrast, we're here communicating in a worthy way. So, there's some hope.
Last edited by Thoreau424; 04-08-2021 at 06:21 PM..
It depends how much you value human interaction. I find most of it to be a colossal pain in the hole and would rather spend time reading, writing, watching movies or listening to music. Lockdown, such as it was in my neck of the woods, gave me a perfect excuse to keep to myself, stay home and enjoy all my favourite hobbies. I suggest the OP find some pastimes that don't depend on others joining in and keep himself happy and busy that way.
The couple of friendships I had here, shrank to almost nothing when they moved back to the U.S.
We are friendly with our neighbors, but don't share anything except a few outings and trips to the store, happy hour at the gazebo. We (condo) are 90% single retired men, strangely, so I don't have many options. I consider them more friendly acquaintances. But they'd be there in an emergency, so...
I really wish I had someone "to talk to" but that just isn't in the cards and I've come to terms with it...
Sometimes it makes life easier, as mentioned above.
I see my friends regularly and we are thoughtful and helpful to each other. But that's about a half dozen people. It would be harder to maintain large groups of friends because friendships need maintenance. I have some pretty nice acquaintances, too, and if they needed something from me, let's say a trip to the airport, I'd be fine with it. A couple times a year. That doesn't mean I would be driving them there or anywhere on a weekly basis. One must have boundaries.
This forum is riddled with petulant threads about friendships. It always surprises me how difficult it is for many people to decide what "friend" actually means. What many seem to demand from casual acquaintance-level friends often seems unreasonable. The conflicts they feel they must dump long term friendships over are often trivial. People who complain that they don't have any friends are often the same people who live inside their own heads; their own views, their own problems, their own joys. Their world has a population of one. Other people pick up on that and realize there's nothing there for them.
FWIW, I only have a few people I consider close friends. They have been there for decades. They don't demand anything from me nor I from them. We may not chat that often but it doesn't matter much. When we do, its meaningful. We know each other so well superficial things don't matter. We invest time and energy in each other because we care deeply about the person they are, not just what we can get out of them. No scorecards...who always calls first, how often they get in touch, who updates FB, who doesn't, blah blah blah.
Last edited by Parnassia; 04-09-2021 at 02:48 PM..
This forum is riddled with petulant threads about friendships. It always surprises me how difficult it is for many people to decide what "friend" actually means. What many seem to demand from casual acquaintance-level friends often seems unreasonable. The conflicts they feel they must dump long term friendships over are often trivial. People who complain that they don't have any friends are often the same people who live inside their own heads; their own views, their own problems, their own joys. Their world has a population of one. Other people pick up on that and realize there's nothing there for them.
FWIW, I only have a few people I consider close friends. They have been there for decades. They don't demand anything from me nor I from them. We may not chat that often but it doesn't matter much. When we do, its meaningful. We know each other so well superficial things don't matter. We invest time and energy in each other because we care deeply about the person they are, not just what we can get out of them. No scorecards...who always calls first, how often they get in touch, who updates FB, who doesn't, blah blah blah.
I don’t understand what you are saying. I don’t think there is anything wrong with expecting someone to act like a friend if they claim they are your friend. A friendship is a type of relationship and all relationships take work to maintain. What’s wrong with expecting someone to check in with you once in a while ? What’s a friendship without communication?
I don’t understand what you are saying. I don’t think there is anything wrong with expecting someone to act like a friend if they claim they are your friend. A friendship is a type of relationship and all relationships take work to maintain. What’s wrong with expecting someone to check in with you once in a while ? What’s a friendship without communication?
I didn't claim friends don't need to communicate. I wrote that there shouldn't need to be an expectation of how frequently or who always initiates it. That's the "scorecard" aspect I believe is petty. Unrealistic expectations can doom friendships.
I didn't claim friends don't need to communicate. I wrote that there shouldn't need to be an expectation of how frequently or who always initiates it. That's the "scorecard" aspect I believe is petty. Unrealistic expectations can doom friendships.
Ok that makes sense then
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