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I consider my sister's adult stepsons--and their wives and children--family because I've known them since they were boys. The OP's situation is different from that, though.
They are absolutely your relatives. Whether you like them, or feel close to them or not is another issue. A second cousin you only met a few times as a kid is still your relative, and so are these people. I have a feeling if you happened to like them a lot, you'd be defending their status as relatives instead of denying it.
As far as the stepmother comment someone made, my father had two wives after I became an adult, and I never referred to them as my stepmother because they never had a mothering relationship with me, but they were still family.
It kind of depends on the situation. My SIL married a man that had 2 preteen kids, which he had custody of. She raised them as her own, and my kids considered them cousins. No, they weren't family by blood, but they were family in our hearts. It was really sad when SIL and this man divorced, because we lost touch with the kids, who were at that time in college.
Now, my sisters MIL was a widow and she remarried, after all her children were grown and gone. She married a man with several teenaged grandchildren about the same age as my kids. My parents were close to this women (sisters MIL) and considered her family. Okay. Nice lady but not really family. But they also considered her new husband and all his grandkids family too. We had a 50th anniversery party for myparents and I was trying to take a picture of my family. I didn't want pictures of those people. I'd never even met them before and I don't really have any pictures of our entire family together. My father insistedthat all those people be in our picture because he thought they were family. I was furious. That was several years ago, but it still makes me mad. I happened upon those pictures just yesterday, and there is this nice picture of my parents, hubby and kids, sister & BIL and their kids, then all these other people whose names I don't even know.
This seems like a time that two photographs should have been taken. One with them and one without them.
BTW I'm still trying to figure how these extra people were connected to your family. Weren't they like "friends of the family"?
?Your sister's MIL's step-grandchildren? I don't understand why they would be in the picture at all. Should all of your sister's MIL's biological grandchildren be your family picture as well?
I'm thinking of my own family. My sister's MIL does have step-grandchildren. The MIL was married for 25 years before she passed away. Not one person in my family has ever met these step-grandchildren (except my sister met them at her step-father-in-laws funeral). I can't imagine ever including them in a portrait of our family. I can't ever imagining anyone thinking that they should be included in the family portrait.
This seems like a time that two photographs should have been taken. One with them and one without them.
BTW I'm still trying to figure how these extra people were connected to your family. Weren't they like "friends of the family"?
?Your sister's MIL's step-grandchildren? I don't understand why they would be in the picture at all. Should all of your sister's MIL's biological grandchildren be your family picture as well?
I'm thinking of my own family. My sister's MIL does have step-grandchildren. The MIL was married for 25 years before she passed away. Not one person in my family has ever met these step-grandchildren (except my sister met them at her step-father-in-laws funeral). I can't imagine ever including them in a portrait of our family. I can't ever imagining anyone thinking that they should be included in the family portrait.
Well, I totally agree that there should have been more than one photo. I kept trying to take another photo, but every time I did, my father would insist that they all had to be in the picture. They shouldn't have been in a family photo. I don't even know their names. I kept telling my father that I wanted a picture of just "our family" and he insisted that they were part of our family. Yes, in my mind, they are friends of the family and nothing more, and even that is questionable.
My BIL is an only child, so there were no other biological children of the MIL, but I'm sure if there had been, my father would insist they were family too. The only reason these kids were even at the party was because the party was being held at the MIL's home, and the kids were staying there for the summer.
In my dad's mind, my sisters husband's, mother and stepfather and step grandkids are family!
Your definition of family must be stiflingly narrow. I'm very sorry for you if you can't open yourself to people who are not related to you by blood enough to consider them family.
How I feel about it is how it is, period. If I say someone is a member of my family, they are a member of my family. I don't give a crap who their parents were, or what you think.
And I don't agree with what you think! It sounds like you are disapointed in your family and have to add others. Don't feel sorry for me. I have friends and don't have to make up some fictional relationship for who knows what reason. Why would I consider a person family when they are not? That is nonsensical. You can love a person and care about that person as much as you want and making up a relationship would not add to that. If you call you best friend cousin, does it mean even more?
Well, I totally agree that there should have been more than one photo. I kept trying to take another photo, but every time I did, my father would insist that they all had to be in the picture. They shouldn't have been in a family photo. I don't even know their names. I kept telling my fatherthat I wanted a picture of just "our family" and he insisted that they were part of our family. Yes, in my mind, they are friends of the family and nothing more, and even that is questionable.
My BIL is an only child, so there were no other biological children of the MIL, but I'm sure if there had been, my father would insist they were family too. The only reason these kids were even at the party was because the party was being held at the MIL's home, and the kids were staying there for the summer.
In my dad's mind, my sisters husband's, mother and stepfather and step grandkids are family!
Truly messed up!
Thanks for the clarification.
Even if your Dad thought that they were "family" they were not "his immediate family" (parents, children, grandchildren). Was your sister's MIL & StepFIL in all of the photographs, too?
I'm surprised that your sister's mother-in-laws step-grandkids didn't realize that theyshould get out of some of the pictures. Even an elementary age child would know that is not my grandma & grandpawhen another adult (you) said that we should have a photo of Grandma & Grandpa & their grandkids (and their parents).
Does your Dad still think that they are family? If it was me I would have a big enlargement made, put it in a nice frame and give it to your parents to put on their livingroom wall. Everyone who comes to their house will ask "Who are those other kids and why are they in your family portrait???" After their neighbors & friends ask again & again "who are they?" your dad might be happy to arrange for another get-together and another (just the immediate family photograph).
(of course, I'm being sarcastic).
I understand your frustration. For the first time in 20 years we were able to finally get together everyone in my entire immediate family (siblings,children & grandchildren). People came from seven different states for the reunion. The last time all of us were together was at our parent's 50th wedding anniversary 20 years ago. However, the photo wasn't truly complete because both of our parents have died.
To the OP. I hope that you don't have to wait 20 years to get another photograph.
I just re-read the OP. If your sister's MIL's step-grandchildren are TEENAGERS they would totally have understood that they didn't need to be in every photograph. They certainly were old enough to realize that your mom and dad weren't their grandparents. Their grandparents (sister's MIL & StepFIL) were right there. Now, It's even sadder.
Last edited by germaine2626; 10-23-2012 at 08:45 PM..
They are absolutely your relatives. Whether you like them, or feel close to them or not is another issue. A second cousin you only met a few times as a kid is still your relative, and so are these people. I have a feeling if you happened to like them a lot, you'd be defending their status as relatives instead of denying it.
As far as the stepmother comment someone made, my father had two wives after I became an adult, and I never referred to them as my stepmother because they never had a mothering relationship with me, but they were still family.
Whether or not step-grandchildren of your sister's Mother-in-law are relatives or not, there is a huge difference between taking a family photograph with ALL of your extended family and taking a photograph of your immediate family.
The OP wanted one photograph of her parents, her & her siblings & their children. She didn't want every single relative that her family has in every photo. Was that really too much to ask?
Last edited by germaine2626; 10-23-2012 at 08:39 PM..
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