Can I ever gain my friend's trust back? (boyfriend, husband, person)
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Not sure whether to post this in relationship or here but seems I'm single and it's regarding my former best friend, I'm writing it here.
She caught her now ex bf and me last year (not sex but it was getting close) and well I regret doing that to my best childhood friend. My parents know her parents but none of them know why we weren't talking too much on last week family & friends reunion; nothing more than hi and what's new. But then we just started talking to other people.
Well she said she forgives me but is not the same again (though I'm still on her facebook we have become more like acquaintances now; while I'm trying to get that friendship back). I'm really sorry. What else would I have to do to prove her I won't ever do something like this again?
Though my parents won't know this, my mother has lately comment on how it's weird that we are distant now and is suspecting something happened. We've been best friends since 4th grade till our sophomore year in college. This is when I got stupid. I made one of the biggest mistake in my life. Been trying to get her friendship and trust back since. Any thing else I can do besides apologizing which I have already many times. I was single then too.
Sounds like you've done all you can. You've apologized, reached out, and I assume explained to her how you feel. It's up to her to forgive you and give you another chance. Even if she does, she may never trust you around her boyfriends or future husband again. Truth be told, it may not be worth pursuing until she pursues you. Keep the door open and when and if she's ready she'll reach out.
I agree with Coolhand68...once the trust between friends has been betrayed it is hard to win back. I've been in your situation and it was never the same again. It is more likely that she will forgive him (even though they are through) than you. If she does forgive you it will take time.
I think you have to let your friend go. If you and your best friends now exbf were busted in the act of doing something, or your best friend found out you did something, you have pretty much burned a bridge there, regardless of how long you were friends with the best friend.
Maybe in time, your friend will forgive you. But if I understand this correctly, you were caught messing around with your best friends boyfriend.
You just learned a lesson about friendship. It is easy to be great friends with someone.... untill you both want the same person/ job/ etc. Then the best friend relationship is really tested.
Maybe in a few years you can reach out to your best friend and ask how things are going and express genuine interest in being friends again. But chances are, this person may either reject your attempt, or they will keep you at arms length (never introducing you to people in her life, never inviting you out to social events). Or, maybe in time she will forgive you and let you back in her life. But, I'm sure it will take a looooooooooooooooooooong time.
That is quite the betrayal. I can't imagine things ever being like they were before with you and your friend. She "may" have forgiven you, but she sure hasn't forgotten and just because she forgives you doesn't mean that she wants to continue your friendship. Personally I would never allow that person in my life if that happened to me.
Learn the lesson and move along. I think the friendship is beyond repair. Maybe one day down the line she will forgive you, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
You have gotten excellent advice from everyone here. It is now time to move on. Your former friend will never trust you again, so use this as a lesson learned. I am sure that you will continue to see her and both of you will be cordial, but you can never go back. It is also true that she will probably forgive the bf, though I can never figure that one out.
All of us have either been betrayed or have been the one doing the betrayal. I always wonder why women especially fall for the boyfriend of their bff and not truly think about the consequences.
It is so unfortunate, but it is now time to make some new friends and to be a good friend.
Agreed with all the others, let this be a lesson learned and a mistake you'll never repeat. That fleeting moment of fun is never worth destroying relationships over. You've apologized, you've made it clear you're sorry. I'm sure she does forgive you but it won't ever be the same and she'll never trust you. If it were me, I'd keep that person at arm lengths forevermore. It's just a line that is crossed that can never be taken back.
Be also prepared for this to possibly come out in the open someday, since your parents are also friends and have already noticed/commented on the distance that is now between you both.
I will say that I also agree with the others that stated she will most likely forgive the BF and stay with him, although he's just as much at fault as you are. It's not fair and I think it's BS...but it's the way these things go. For anyone reading this that is nursing a crush on a best friends's bf and contemplating messing with him - don't do it! You'll end up being the loser. Never worth it.
But if I understand this correctly, you were caught messing around with your best friends boyfriend.
Yes and she end up crying. If there was a way to go back in time and erase this I would but I can't do nothing now.
Her ex bf has been seen with another woman. He wasn't even fighting to get her back when she caught us. She send us to hell that day saying ''Both of you get<snip> out of my life and then to me ''I didn't expect this from you, why, you were like my sister, I trusted you the most''.
We began talking a couple months ago but like another poster said, she's keeping me at arm lengths. I know it's not gonna be ever be like before, but hope she can one day recover from this and our friendship gets stronger.
Just today my mother was talking on the phone to her mother and they were commenting on how we've become distant and I think they're starting to suspect that something went on but doesn't know. Then she asked if something was wrong, which I lied and said no. I made up an excuse about school and my job.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 10-06-2017 at 01:54 PM..
Reason: word filter
I learned this now but late. A jerk wasn't worth destroying my friendship.
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