Unbelievable Email from Sister re Xmas (father, husband, siblings, person)
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What would you do if you received this email from your own sister?
"I want to let everyone know in advance that I am only giving gifts to children this year. Please do not get anything for [her husband] or myself."
She sent this to all our siblings, plus our own mother! (I wonder how my sister would feel if her own daughter treats her this way when she grows up.)
They are not experiencing financial problems. As a matter of fact, they are doing VERY well. She has done this before. In those cases, she and her husband DID give gifts to OTHER adults: her husband's family and some of their personal friends.
This email was not sent to anyone in her husband's family, nor to any of their friends.
Also note, four of the people she sent the email to do not have any children at all.
And note that this sister has a young daughter, yet I suppose she expects people to buy her daughter gifts as she didn't say anything like "don't get anything for my daughter either."
What do you think of somebody who would do this to their own family? What is wrong with her? I am loathe to bring it up as she and her husband are also known for holding ridiculous grudges (although there are definitely no current family grudges that could bring on such an email). It is very rude the way she treats her own family compared to other people.
Perhaps the old "Italian" curse is in order: "May your children treat YOU like you treat your parents."
Has anybody had family treat them this way during the holidays? I thought family was supposed to stick together.
First let me say that it HAS happened to me!
I hate that whole "Christmas is for Children" line of thought. Gift giving to show thought, kindnes and love is foe EVERYONE!
It could be many reasons.
1. She may be a control freak! NO - she ISW. Would you dispense this edict? My sister in law did and she is so full of her self.
2. She is cheap.
Here is what I would do and what I wish I'd done when my SIL did the same thing.
Send her an e-mail and a certified letter telling her that you disagree. You will continue to exchange gifts with people regardless of their age. She is mow off your list.
Write a letter to everyone else telling them that YOU do not AGREE! And you will continue the custon as it was before.
People such as this need to be put in their place. I WISH I had done it then. She has gotten WORSE.
Ok, Sunny can correct me if I'm wrong, but the scenario she's looking at this year, and in the past as well, is her sister says no gifts for adults. Then at the Christmas celebration she hosts, gives gifts to the adults on one side, such as her mother-in-law, but not her side, such as her mother. And they exchange the gifts at the celebration in front of everyone.
If a couple is hosting and has the mothers (and/or fathers) from each side, then IMO, it's kind of rude to give gifts to one and not the other. Either get gifts for both moms/dads or do the exchange at a time other than the celebration with everyone there. IMO, it's hurtful to give gifts to one mom/set of parents, but not the other, right in front of the mom/set of parents who aren't receiving gifts. No one can control what the sister does, but they can skip the gift exchange so they don't have to sit through it.
Well, maybe if this did happen last year...The email is to let everyone know it isn't happening this year. Obviously there was some guff when it happened before, witness that folks mentioning it here on a public forum...lol
Your sister sounds smart, it's a pain to try and come up with a gift for your adult family members who can buy things for themselves and sometimes my family would rather have nothing instead of junk they don't really care about.
It would be a nice move if your sister made or bought some sort of treat for all the adults to share, like whiskey chocolates or gourmet coffee, but even if she doesn't, I think you should grow up and not get upset because you want presents.
Isn't the fact that your sister is hosting a Christmas party....gift enough???
Oh my! We have been doing this for over 30 years, giving gifts only to minor children and our own parents. We have too many brothers, sisters, and in-laws to make it practical to send or exchange so very many gifts. We would much rather get together for a great meal at a destination restaurant, and enjoy each others company. My daughter-in-laws family only allows "handmade gifts" to be exchanged. It is a lot of work for her. We send her family cards--
I think your sister is being practical and smart--you don't have to give a gift--if you had to --it wouldn't be a gift. It seems you are feeling that it isn't fair, if that is how you feel, don't participate. You are an adult--I'm sure you can buy yourself what ever you want.
What would you do if you received this email from your own sister?
"I want to let everyone know in advance that I am only giving gifts to children this year. Please do not get anything for [her husband] or myself."
She sent this to all our siblings, plus our own mother! (I wonder how my sister would feel if her own daughter treats her this way when she grows up.)
They are not experiencing financial problems. As a matter of fact, they are doing VERY well. She has done this before. In those cases, she and her husband DID give gifts to OTHER adults: her husband's family and some of their personal friends.
This email was not sent to anyone in her husband's family, nor to any of their friends.
Also note, four of the people she sent the email to do not have any children at all.
And note that this sister has a young daughter, yet I suppose she expects people to buy her daughter gifts as she didn't say anything like "don't get anything for my daughter either."
What do you think of somebody who would do this to their own family? What is wrong with her? I am loathe to bring it up as she and her husband are also known for holding ridiculous grudges (although there are definitely no current family grudges that could bring on such an email). It is very rude the way she treats her own family compared to other people.
Perhaps the old "Italian" curse is in order: "May your children treat YOU like you treat your parents."
Has anybody had family treat them this way during the holidays? I thought family was supposed to stick together.
I haven't read any of the responses. I may get flamed for this, but I don't see what the big deal is. I think it would have been better if she put it out there as a suggestion rather than an executive decision, but I don't think it is an odd thing to do.
Different sides of the family function differently, so I don't think it means much that your side of the family got this and his didn't.
Once my husband's sister had kids, and we had kids, we suggested just doing gifts for the kids. Since then, we sometimes get a small family gift for each other like a throw blanket, or something. We didn't do this for my side of the family because my sister didn't have kids yet.
Honestly, I hate exchanging gifts with my husband's side of the family. They get things we don't want, we get things they don't want. It is a waste of money. They won't tell us what they want so we have to guess. My side is totally different. We give each other ideas of specific things, and usually end up getting something we like.
No that is not the way it happens. She has given Xmas gifts to other adults right in front of us when she had previously made a supposed "moratorium" on giving gifts to adults. I suppose I am just good enough to buy stuff for HER kid.
I would be miffed, heck, I would be downright hurt if my sister did that to me.
The adults in my family do not exchange gifts at Christmas, possibly because we didn't celebrate Christmas very much as children, but we do give "I'm thinking of you gifts" when they are appropriate.
If one of my siblings decided "absolutely, no more gifts at all for adults" and then gave someone else a gift right in front of me I would be very hurt. It would be especially bad if that sibling cut out gifts to our entire family but still gave gifts to their spouse's family and friends,
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Is that the issue? You are expected to buy something for their kids, but you won't get anything? What's the difference between you buying 4 gifts and getting 1, and you buying 2 gifts and getting none?
you seem to be taking this a bit more "personal" then I would. I can see where you could see some hypocrisy, being that she didn't send it out to "everyone", however maybe the people she didn't send it to don't get gifts from her anyway. as they say in court, don't assume facts not in evidence.
at a certain point adults really don't need gifts and to buy one solely because it has been done for years is not a good reason. half the time the sweater you buy for uncle or the nick knack for aunty don't have much meaning, it becomes more a duty because they get you something. more a tit for tat.
christmas is for the kids or at least it should be.
^Agree.
My brother and his family are doing very well, and we have never exchanged gifts.
Obviously if you visit for the holiday/dinner you bring wine or food, possibly.
After age 25 or so, I dont see what the deal is with some siblings expecting or demanding gifts.
The problem is she's a liar and a hypocrite. She does give Xmas gifts to other adults, such as her husband's family and some of their friends.
So what? She didn't say "I'm not buying you anything, but you should still buy me something."
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