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Sorry, a bit long. I tried to be short as possible, but if you're bored, read on. I could really use some advice!
A while back sincere interest on my part was rejected by what I thought was a sweet, compasionate girl. I was still nice, treated her friendly but respected her decision. While this was going on another guy who was married kept bragging about all his affairs with married women in front of myself and this girl. Later, he had sex with this girl and then, knowing I liked her, came to my office and said, "I screwed her and there is nothing you can do about it." just to stoke his ego.
When she rejected me she went around the office saying how 'cute' it was that I has a crush on her and made fun of my height saying I was too short. (5'9" she is 5'7"). I am 44 and she is 38, we are hardly high school kids. Later when this guy treated her bad she came crying to me saying he was a jerk and wanted to know if I still cared? Of course, I declined. She has a 3 year old son she rarely sees, drinks, smokes and has a DWI and talks sexual inuendo a lot.
Six months later she has married someone outside the office and the player has what he calls a 'special' arrangement with his wife - they live together with their two young daughters, but he is allowed to date other women. Before this special arrangement, he would also brag about staying out all night gambling and then lying to her about it. She is the bread winner. This guy would also cut other people down constantly to make himself look better.
Ok, I know, I know...he's a **** and she's a *****. I am not prude. I am not religious. I am very, very easy going. Sex, drugs, rock & roll, anything is ok with me as long as people are respected and no one gets hurt. To me, these people represent all that is wrong with the human spirit, they hurt me, each other and themselves only for personal pleasure. I avoid and won't speak to either of them unless necessary for work.
Here is my problem: Everyone at work knows the story. Even though I have always been nice, joke and and freindly to everyone, they think I am an uptight jerk, while the player and this girl are treated as fun loving, caring people. I eat lunch alone. Even the religious, conservative people at work think their activities are 'cute' and I am uptight.
Sorry, a bit long. I tried to be short as possible, but if you're bored, read on. I could really use some advice!
Letting the people in the office know about your personal life is the first mistake. I have never understood why people do this. They are not "friends" they do not care about you. You have nothing in common other than your place of employment.
Secondly, why you would waste time on a woman who has no self esteem or self respect is beyond me. Maybe you felt sorry for her and were trying to "rescue" her from herself, I don't know.
Count yourself fortunate that you eat lunch alone because I can only imagine what kind of stellar conversations the morons you work with would come up with. No doubt, after they finished discussing everyt television show they watched the night before, all they would have left would be gossip of the unkindest sort. Certainly nothing worth talking about.
If I were you, I'd concentrate strongly on my work and avoid the "social scene" at your workplace.
I don't think the OP was the one who told the whole office. He mentioned it was the woman he was interested in who went around telling the whole office. Consider yourself a lucky man and a bullet dodged there. What if you'd gotten involved with her, had a kid and found out how unfaithful and disloyal she was? You'd be on the hook for child support. And stuck with her for the rest of your life.
I know the economy is tough, but can you find another job? Who knows what story either of those idiots is telling. If you get another job, you can get a fresh start. What are you doing for socializing outside of the office? You need to expand you pool of friends/potential dates.
I know what to do persnonally, but my problem is I seem to be swimming upstream against popluar opinion at work which covers a rather large demographic. I mean, am I too uptight? Are their antics simply harmless fun?
I mean this guy said what he did specifically to hurt me at the girl's expense simply to bolster his own self-esteem. The girl dumps me then comes running back when she gets hurt. And what must his wife be thinking, allowing him to see other women when they have two daughters under 10 years of age? His daughters will learn to be sluts because that's what daddy likes and mommy supports!
I think this shows a terrible selfish attitude and abuse of life. Respect must be a common denominator. Is it ok to do whatever we want to whomever we want whenever we want without responisbility just to have a good time? I remember a Watts race riot during the 80s. One accounting on the news showed an old African American store owner standing in the middle of the street emploring his neighbors to stop burning down their own neighborhood. He couldn't believe the ignorance he saw around him and everyone treated him like a crazy old man. I guess he was uptight and probably ate lunch alone as well.
Last edited by bob the brave; 12-01-2012 at 12:17 PM..
I know what to do persnonally, but my problem is I seem to be swimming upstream against popluar opinion at work which covers a rather large demographic. I mean, am I too uptight? Are their antics simply harmless fun?
I mean this guy said what he did specifically to hurt me at the girl's expense simply to bolster his own self-esteem. The girl dumps me then comes running back when she gets hurt. And what must his wife be thinking, allowing him to see other women when they have two daughters under 10 years of age? His daughters will learn to be sluts because that's what daddy likes and mommy supports!
I think this shows a terrible selfish attitude and abuse of life. Respect must be a common denominator. Is it ok to do whatever we want to whomever we want whenever we want without responisbility just to have a good time? I remember a Watts race riot during the 80s. One accounting on the news showed an old African American store owner standing in the middle of the street emploring his neighbors to stop burning down their own neighborhood. He couldn't believe the ignorance he saw around him and everyone treated him like a crazy old man. I guess he was uptight and probably ate lunch alone as well.
Why do you care? You dodged a bullet with her brand of crazy. Anyone who would reject you for height and then go around telling the whole office is immature and obnoxious and not worth your time and energy. And the guy is proud he had sex with an immature and obnoxious co-worker, neither the activity nor the bragging reflect well upon him. Who cares what the guy does in his spare time and his home life? It's really not your business or concern. They're both losers, so why are you even worrying about what they do or say?
If the rest of them are going to egg them on, you're obviously working in a dysfunctional Peyton Place. In which case, get out of there or just do your job and ignore them as much as you can.
It bothers me that virtually everyone at work supports this type of activity except me. My boss which is a very capable, intelligent guy once had his wife cheat on him. They eventually worked it out, but it nearly broke him for a while. When he heard this player guy had a new girl friend, he patted him on the back with an atta boy. WTF! He knows the guy is married, knows how much it hurt to be cheated on and he congratulates the guy. I mean when did adultry become a sport?
It bothers me because I think it's wrong and no one else seems to agree except when they get the short end of if. Then, instead of realizing it's a bad idea, they simply pass it on by doing the same thing. I'm concerned society in general may be like this and it worries me.
That is why the title. Am I wrong to be concerned people act like this or am I wrong to think it's wrong?
BTW I said nothing to anyone at work. It is just a small company of 15 people, so it's virtually impossible to hide anything.
It bothers me that virtually everyone at work supports this type of activity. My boss which is a very capable, intelligent guy once had his wife cheat on him. They eventually worked it out, but it nearly broke him for a while. When he heard this player guy had a new girl friend, he patted him on the back with an atta boy. WTF! He knows the guy is married, knows how much it hurt to be cheated on and he congratulates the guy. I mean when did adultry become a sport?
It bothers me because I think it's wrong and no one else seems to agree except when they get the short end of if. Then, instead of realizing it's a bad idea, they simply pass it on by doing the same thing. I'm concerned society in general may be like this and it worries me.
That is why the title. Am I wrong to be concerned people act like this or am I wrong to think it's wrong?
You can think whatever you want about it, but are you discussing it in the office? if so, that's probably what the problem is. I don't get involved in my colleague's personal lives, because doing so would be an invitation for them to get involved in my personal life. I don't want them in my business, I stay out of their business. Which is what I would suggest for you. The more you stay out of their business, the better for you. Deal with them strictly on a work level and leave it at that.
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