Should I give mom's stuff to my BIL? (wife, person, member)
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My mom passed away about a year ago. She was living in her house on my property in sort of a guest house arrangement. Over the past year I have gotten rid of some stuff-sold on EBay or given away, but much remains, including the furniture.
I am her only child. My adult daughter has taken what she wants. No other relatives who want anything.
My wife and I are moving in a few years so we are starting to get rid of things in both houses now.
Now to the point:
My BIL is breaking up with his gf and moving into an apartment. He has some stuff and my wife has suggested letting him have some of the household things he lacks.
The problem I have with this: He owes me money-a lot of money-and has made little attempt at payback. I can't shake this feeling of being a chump if I again enrich him after screwing us over with his unpaid loan. He lives a transient life-six ex-wives, countless homes, etc. but doesn't manage to keep anything from place to place. I have little sentiment for these household things but it would bug me if they were "lost" during his next move. If they went to strangers I would not have any clue what happens to the things. He moved to town about six years ago and this will be his seventh move since getting here.
On the plus side it would save me the hassle of giving it away or selling it on CL. Plus, my mom would have appreciated it going to family rather than a stranger or selling it.
Whatever you are comfortable with is what you should do and once it leaves your possession you should have no concerns with what happens to it after that. It appears to me though that you would actually be more comfortable selling the items since you would have no control over knowing what happened to them after they are gone.
My mom passed away about a year ago. She was living in her house on my property in sort of a guest house arrangement. Over the past year I have gotten rid of some stuff-sold on EBay or given away, but much remains, including the furniture.
I am her only child. My adult daughter has taken what she wants. No other relatives who want anything.
My wife and I are moving in a few years so we are starting to get rid of things in both houses now.
Now to the point:
My BIL is breaking up with his gf and moving into an apartment. He has some stuff and my wife has suggested letting him have some of the household things he lacks.
The problem I have with this: He owes me money-a lot of money-and has made little attempt at payback. I can't shake this feeling of being a chump if I again enrich him after screwing us over with his unpaid loan. He lives a transient life-six ex-wives, countless homes, etc. but doesn't manage to keep anything from place to place. I have little sentiment for these household things but it would bug me if they were "lost" during his next move. If they went to strangers I would not have any clue what happens to the things. He moved to town about six years ago and this will be his seventh move since getting here.
On the plus side it would save me the hassle of giving it away or selling it on CL. Plus, my mom would have appreciated it going to family rather than a stranger or selling it.
Does your wife feel the same way about the unpaid loan or is she more sensitive to his position of lacking household items? If she feels the same as you, I wouldn't give him a dish towel. If he has the means to afford 6 ex wives and homes, he can buy his own blender.
Now, if she's all, "Oh, but dear, he's my brother, I can't do that to him. Whatever happened, happened, he's still my brother and I need to help him"...yadda yadda, then I think you're out of luck and may end up giving those items to him.
How about donating them rather than selling them to complete strangers? Churches take all sorts of household items.
Does your wife feel the same way about the unpaid loan or is she more sensitive to his position of lacking household items? If she feels the same as you, I wouldn't give him a dish towel. If he has the means to afford 6 ex wives and homes, he can buy his own blender.
Now, if she's all, "Oh, but dear, he's my brother, I can't do that to him. Whatever happened, happened, he's still my brother and I need to help him"...yadda yadda, then I think you're out of luck and may end up giving those items to him.
How about donating them rather than selling them to complete strangers? Churches take all sorts of household items.
He's broke. Always has been, probably always will. He doesn't pay alimony or child support, he manages clean breaks from all his wives. Unbelievably, he just had his first kid with the gf he is breaking up with-so no child support with any X. There is a lot of drama and background with him-his women, jail time, arrested by the Secret Service....and on and on.
I got the dear brother yadda, yadda during the crisis when we loaned him the money. The wife is fed up as I am with his non payment so when I told her I don't want to give him things because of the loan she understood.
I would just donate the stuff to either Goodwill Industries, local churches, local Veteran's Association or the Salvation Army. Sometimes they will come pickup the stuff. Just get a receipt and claim it on your taxes next year.
My mom passed away about a year ago. She was living in her house on my property in sort of a guest house arrangement. Over the past year I have gotten rid of some stuff-sold on EBay or given away, but much remains, including the furniture.
I am her only child. My adult daughter has taken what she wants. No other relatives who want anything.
My wife and I are moving in a few years so we are starting to get rid of things in both houses now.
Now to the point:
My BIL is breaking up with his gf and moving into an apartment. He has some stuff and my wife has suggested letting him have some of the household things he lacks.
The problem I have with this: He owes me money-a lot of money-and has made little attempt at payback. I can't shake this feeling of being a chump if I again enrich him after screwing us over with his unpaid loan. He lives a transient life-six ex-wives, countless homes, etc. but doesn't manage to keep anything from place to place. I have little sentiment for these household things but it would bug me if they were "lost" during his next move. If they went to strangers I would not have any clue what happens to the things. He moved to town about six years ago and this will be his seventh move since getting here.
On the plus side it would save me the hassle of giving it away or selling it on CL. Plus, my mom would have appreciated it going to family rather than a stranger or selling it.
I have known people like this, people that are not responsible, that do not take care of things and only take advantage of people. Personally I would donate what is left of the estate to somewhere that would appreciate it, and not to him.
I have had a very similar situation. I finally realized I would feel better about giving it to an organization where folks that receive it will appreciate it . . . and I would not once again feel somewhat "taken advantage of" this way.
I found there were several organizations in my area that will bring a truck and pick up the items. You may find this is the easiest way to handle the matter. Remember to get a charitable donations receipt for your taxes.
I would just donate the stuff to either Goodwill Industries, local churches, local Veteran's Association or the Salvation Army. Sometimes they will come pickup the stuff. Just get a receipt and claim it on your taxes next year.
I would give the stuff away also. And whatever you do, don't mention it to him. Just donate it to someone who will come get it and be done with it.
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