What's a step-dad to do? (wife, boyfriend, spouse, husband)
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My wife and I have been married for 21 years. We have her 2 daughters (31 & 28) and our son 20 years old living at home with us along with the oldest daughter's husband and the 3 grand kids (twins 1 year and 2 year old), 6 dogs and a cat. Four of the dogs and the cat belong to the daughters. For the most part the oldest daughter and her family don't bother me too much and they have been here since just before Thanksgiving last year. The 28 year old moved in with us in May of last year when she and her husband started having money/relationship problems. He's in the Army and was stationed in Colorado but is now in Hawaii. She is the one that's the REAL problem but my wife gives her a "pass" no matter what. The first week she was home she left after 3 days and spent the next 4 days visiting a male "friend" in a town about an hour away. I knew then what was going on and it was confirmed a month later when I came home early from work and practically caught her and her "friend" in OUR HOME. The wife did nothing. In December she got involved with another male "friend" who had recently gotten out of the Army. I was bringing home baby formula for our other daughter when again I practically caught them in our home. Again the wife gave her a pass. She continues to see both of them. Last week she spent 7 nights in a row with one or the other. She spent more time with them than she did her husband who was home for the holidays. He's either the most naive husband on the face of the earth or he just doesn't care. Even my son figured out the situation and he now has nothing to do with her. I am completely uncomfortable in my own home. I realize it's her life but she brought it into this house and that makes it my business. She does nothing to help out and we are paying her school loans that we co-signed on. Her room is so messy that I can't find the floor or the top of her bed. Her main interests are Facebook, Pinterest, X-Box, Harry Potter, and Hobbits. I've been patient but I'm close to an ultimatum, either she goes or I go. I don't want that at all but I can't live with this cause it's wrong period. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.
Since this thread seems to be more about adult relationship issues I am moving it to the relationship forum in the hopes that it will be more on topic there.
Eek, tough situation there. You really should have an honest talk with your wife about this. Are you willing to go through with an ultimatum? Is your money entangled with your wife's? Think about these things, talk to your wife and think about what you want to do.
It sounds to me like it is time to take back your home. Her daughters are certainly old enough to live in their own homes, and I would give them a move-out date. Your wife may actually appreciate your taking charge of the situation. I would discuss this with her, but in the end, they should be going. Good luck. I give you a lot of credit for putting up with this, but I would definitely end it asap.
If the OP gives his step-children a move-out date, he has to be prepared to be viewed as "the bad guy". It might not matter at this point.
Unfortunately, I don't have any good advice, because I'm sitting here, amazed that you seem very calm for someone who has a bunch of free-loading adults plus a zoo of animals in your house. I'm not sure I would be able to "hold it all together" or "hold it all inside" in a situation like yours.
Wow. A strong man you are.
If you have a good relationship with your wife, I think you should sit her down and tell her that things have to change. If she doesn't like listening to you, then tell her you'll make an appointment with a counselor. You need a third, un-biased opinion - someone to talk some sense into her.
If the OP gives his step-children a move-out date, he has to be prepared to be viewed as "the bad guy". It might not matter at this point.
Unfortunately, I don't have any good advice, because I'm sitting here, amazed that you seem very calm for someone who has a bunch of free-loading adults plus a zoo of animals in your house. I'm not sure I would be able to "hold it all together" or "hold it all inside" in a situation like yours.
Wow. A strong man you are.
If you have a good relationship with your wife, I think you should sit her down and tell her that things have to change. If she doesn't like listening to you, then tell her you'll make an appointment with a counselor. You need a third, un-biased opinion - someone to talk some sense into her.
OMG
Six adults, three grandkids, six dogs and one cat!
How can you fit everyone inside just one house and how can you afford it?
There are so many things wrong with the situation. A freeloading daughter who is bringing random sexual partners who are not her husband into your home where your son & grandchildren can see them. First put a stop to that. Can't your wife see how that is a problem? A 28 year old, instead of being grateful for a place to stay just leaves her room a pig sty and doesn't pay anything or help around the house. and on and on.
If it was me I would start with a counselor and if my spouse didn't agree to a meeting I would call a divorce
attorney. Someone has to talk some sense into your spouse.
Good luck to you. Please keep us informed.
Last edited by germaine2626; 04-12-2013 at 08:43 PM..
Your house your rules, you need to put your foot down.
If you don't mind the older one with the family staying, then let them stay but the one using your home like her personal brothel should be told it's time she leave.
I tried to talk to my wife again last night but got nowhere. She refuses to believe what is obvious to everyone else. Even our son tried to tell her but she isn't hearing it...total denial. I am going to go look for an apartment today and that got her attention. She asked why and I asked her do I really have to rehash all this? For CindyDavis, if she wants the house then fine...she can have the mortgage too and her car payment and the school loans. I'm way past seeing a counselor. My son also told her that he would move in with me cause he can't stand the situation either. We'll see what happens when she calms down but she knows I'm serious. And the daughter was at one of the boyfriends again last night. What really bugs me is the daughter behaving this way while living off her husband's money and benefits. It's just too much for me. Thanks.
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