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Most ppl that i know are engaged/married, or have kids. I'm 23 and still in school. I want to have my degree, and have an established life style before i have kids, or get married. Alot of ppl from high school and some from college are having babies left to right, or getting married. People always ask me that why i don't have kids, or why don't i get married. I always get weird looks when i tell them my answer. So why ppl think you are weird if you are not married or have kids by 24?
I'm 37 and still childless. And divorced. It's not the end of the world.
At 23 you are too young to get married and have kids. You're still practically a kid yourself. You shouldn't care what other people think about your lifestyle choices. Easier said than done, I know...but at least try not to care.
23? You're barely out of school... 23 is too young to be married & having kids.
Finish school, establish yourself, have fun!
I don't know who your friends are that are all married w/ children at that age, but there are plenty of people out there who aren't.
My husband & I were close to 30 when we got married, we had worked at least 8 yrs in our careers & did not become parents until almost 36....
People that age typically aren't having children on purpose. Those children you speak of are mostly accidents; however, the parents of those children try to justify their poor decision making by alienating others, that unlike themselves, have not engaged in irresponsible activities in regards to sex. It's no different than people that are overweight looking at people that are height weight proportionate as skinny. They do this because by accepting that the fact that these "skinny people" are in fact what humans are supposed to look like it really puts into perspective how fat and lazy they are.
I agree, anybody that has a child before 23 is most likely by accident, poor decision making, irresponsibility, etc
a guy I use to know only got married because he made a girl pregnant at age 22 and they had twin girls, he ended up divorced and remarried two more times and had 9 kids and died at age 48 from a heart attack
he use to be one of those types that liked to party and date a lot
I think it depends on the culture you live in-on a small scale perhaps the people in your community think like-minded ideas based upon what they see and experience. I've been all over America since the age of 18-I'm 38 now.
I'm remarried, and I don't have children. I'm a little pudgy since my hyster in 2010, so people ask me "how many kids do you have" assuming I have plenty apparently.
I shake my head no and say "I don't have any" and no matter where in the U.S. I am, the women say one of two things every single time:
1. "Awww, I'm so sorry." or "that's too bad" (assuming I can't have them and wanted them) or
2. "Well, why not?" which is the phrase that translates to me "you're crazy for not having them by now"
some women don't say anything-those are the ladies that correctly read my body language that says "topic not open for discussion, thank you."
When you get to my age and end up disclosing you don't have any, it's very interesting what responses you get. It's almost a peer pressure to have them, especially in age-related social circles, but what I've come to realize is that people conceive your situation, and gauge their responses based upon their own insecurities or they picture themselves in your shoes and the answers sometimes reflect those thought patterns.
I try to guide the conversation away from why I don't have kids because it's really no one's business in the end
It is indeed a rural Midwestern/Southern thing - Conservative communities that cling to traditions. You can imagine where most of those marriages rate on the happiness scale when they marry so young and have kids.
There's nothing wrong with tradition and being conservative (in my opinion), I just wish other people wouldn't push this sort of thing on others, or make them feel bad for not having kids right away. I think most people have already posted on here what a huge responsibility it is-- it is definitely nothing that should be taken lightly.
The only thing I can possibly think of to rationalize their acting the way they do is that they may be worried that you might come to the decision too late; now, if the original poster were a girl, I might be a little more concerned, (but by the name I just imagine that person to be a guy)-- yet it is my opinion that men can wait a little longer in that area than women (not that women can't have children when they're in their forties, but I imagine it to be a much tougher thing at that age than younger).
Still, even if you come to the decision too late, you would have been acting on it when you weren't fully committed to it, so that line of reasoning is really flawed. In my own situation, I *never* thought I would want to have children. Now it's not that way anymore, yet I'm thirty-two and time's running out for me to find the right person and get things started in that area. Yet--had I just said before, 'oh, I better just have children b/c that's what's everyone else is doing and I guess I should too', I wouldn't have been in the right place for it and I very well may have not been happy. Now I still might not be happy now being single, but I guess that's just how it happened and at least this way only one person's life is not going to be that great.
In America it's usually one way or another. In the small towns they want you to get started too early, and in the Blue state/urban regions, they push you to get started late, if they push family life at all.
Late 20's early 30's is the best deadline. A lot of people (but not all) still have plenty of growing up to do before then. But in women, fertility and health risks for bothe the woman and the baby strongly drop off (fertility) and rise (health risks) after 30, and then HUGELY after 35. So there is a deadline. Note however the deadline is to DECIDE what you want and then do it, not to just do it.
My main advice is to think about your life and what you want. I feel like so many people rarely if ever think about these things. And try to keep what you've been taught or what other people have said out of it. I mean right off the bat, people's expectations of metarial wealth are way out of whack, given the economy (and even if we didn't have a bad economy). You don't need a 4000 sq ft house with granite countertops, 3 cars, and antique furniture to have kids. And every single kid going to college is an impossible standard the way things are going, and isn't necessary anyway, given how useless college has become.
So yeah
A) Make your decisions in that time frame
B) Make them unbiased. Seriously question what you assume is "true" or "normal". Don't do things just because other people said they're good.
C) Make them based on what's attainable. I can tell you Mr. Right (if he's also Mr. Husband) is NOT going to be a handsome, charismatic, doctor.
D)Make those decisions early enough that you still have time to attain those goals within the time frame. You're not going to find a husband right after you decide you want the famiyl life. It could take a year or two or four.
Most ppl that i know are engaged/married, or have kids. I'm 23 and still in school. I want to have my degree, and have an established life style before i have kids, or get married. Alot of ppl from high school and some from college are having babies left to right, or getting married. People always ask me that why i don't have kids, or why don't i get married. I always get weird looks when i tell them my answer. So why ppl think you are weird if you are not married or have kids by 24?
In my opinion a person should marry only if they want to and not because they should meet some chronological 'goal' to please someone else. The people who think you're weird are probably either upset they had kids at a young age and are giving you the evil eye out of jealousy. I really don't give a **** about what people think of me not being married or having kids. Quite honestly I think a lot of people really don't have any business even asking you that question. It also really depends on how well you know them and your own beliefs.
should meet some chronological 'goal' to please someone else
timeline to please someone else? Yeah, sounds advice. However, I'm weary of this advice because in objective reality there IS a BIOLOGICAL timeline if you want to have kids as healthy as possible. Once you're over 35 (woman) you're taking your own risks. And it sure as heck would be nice to have healthy, strapping kids.
This whole thread is weird, its not normal to get married at 23, only people I knew who did that were ghetto low-class people or people who got knocked up.
In America it's usually one way or another. In the small towns they want you to get started too early, and in the Blue state/urban regions, they push you to get started late, if they push family life at all.
Late 20's early 30's is the best deadline. A lot of people (but not all) still have plenty of growing up to do before then. But in women, fertility and health risks for bothe the woman and the baby strongly drop off (fertility) and rise (health risks) after 30, and then HUGELY after 35. So there is a deadline. Note however the deadline is to DECIDE what you want and then do it, not to just do it.
My main advice is to think about your life and what you want. I feel like so many people rarely if ever think about these things. And try to keep what you've been taught or what other people have said out of it. I mean right off the bat, people's expectations of metarial wealth are way out of whack, given the economy (and even if we didn't have a bad economy). You don't need a 4000 sq ft house with granite countertops, 3 cars, and antique furniture to have kids. And every single kid going to college is an impossible standard the way things are going, and isn't necessary anyway, given how useless college has become.
So yeah
A) Make your decisions in that time frame
B) Make them unbiased. Seriously question what you assume is "true" or "normal". Don't do things just because other people said they're good.
C) Make them based on what's attainable. I can tell you Mr. Right (if he's also Mr. Husband) is NOT going to be a handsome, charismatic, doctor.
D)Make those decisions early enough that you still have time to attain those goals within the time frame. You're not going to find a husband right after you decide you want the famiyl life. It could take a year or two or four.
Delaying things pobably isn't everyone looks to have 4000 sq ft homes. No matter how you live, kids aren't free. Who say college is useless? These are excuses relgious conservatives use to justify keeping women barefoot and pregnant all the time and based ont he notion every one wants to marry. Not everyrone is suited for family life. Yet we , especially women, are taught from day one it is what we should do. To the OP no one says you have to marry or have kids because it is the norm. Do what you feel is right. If you want to stay single and live in a 20 room fine. Itt is no one's business.
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