Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am in a unique situation that I'm very torn over. Several months ago, someone I have known for a few years asked me if I would stand in his wedding. Despite not being very close to this guy (my perception at least), I accepted. I'm just a nice guy and have a hard time saying no to things, especially things of this magnitude.
Anyway, a little back story about this guy. I met him a short time after I had relocated and we would go out in a group after work for happy hours. He seemed alright, but he never quite treated me well. He came across as snoody and arrogant, and I felt that this was particularly aimed towards me more than others that we hung out with. We ended up being roommates for a short period and this is where I really saw his true devious side. He treated me horribly. He did not respect me whatsoever. For example, before moving in, we had agreed on splitting the bill for high speed Internet. When we did move in, he backed out of the deal, and instead, stole wi-fi from unprotected connections. He's never really been there for me but in one or two cases that I can remember.
Recently, I moved out of town (1200 miles away) to be closer to family and to save some money. For me to make it to his wedding in a month, I'd be spending somewhere around $700+. To me, it just seems like a lot of money to spend for someone I don't even feel close to. I doubt he'd come to my wedding given the current circumstances. In addition, he has been giving me a hard time. I asked him a few weeks ago about getting a ride from the airport and he mentioned that he would have a buddy flying in on a particular day and that he could pick both of us up. So, to be accommodating, I was trying to set up my flight to come in around the same time as his other buddy (his best man BTW). When I asked him again for confirmation of the time his buddy was coming in, he asked me, "Aren't you renting a car?" I was kind of offended by this question. We had already discussed this before and he agreed to pick me up and now he is making it seem like an inconvenience for him. This pretty much sums up how he's always treated me. Whenever I needed something from him, which was rare, he'd always make it known how much of an inconvenience it was for him in an ever so subtle manner.
Anyway, with the wedding a little over a month a way, I'm stuck in this predicament of whether or not I should go. I have one buddy who is adamantly opposed to me throwing my money away on this trip for a guy I don't even care that much about. However, I would like to get a little more insight on what others would do in a similar situation. I can add more detail about our relationship if that will help you in your assessment. What would you guys do in a similar situation?
Of course, if you have no interest in maintaining any degree of friendship you can do as you want. But, I have to say, it's pretty crappy to do it last minute. How would you feel about letting him know it's a financial stretch for you, and you need to figure out ways to cut the costs? As in, won't be able to rent a car for starters.
Seriously..I would bail out NOW. Why would you even put yourself out and sacrifice your time, money and emotional energy in somone who doesn't give a rats A** about you?
Not being rude, just being real here. I would have cut him off LONG ago.
Unless someone is a close friend and or relative where the relationship is built around trust and respect, I would never stand in their wedding, let alone invest the time and money to go at all.
The two key words here, trust and respect are what this person has never afforded you.
Of course, if you have no interest in maintaining any degree of friendship you can do as you want. But, I have to say, it's pretty crappy to do it last minute. How would you feel about letting him know it's a financial stretch for you, and you need to figure out ways to cut the costs? As in, won't be able to rent a car for starters.
I don't think I do. Personally, I feel that this guy doesn't have many male friends and that he has had to scrape the bottom to find people to stand in his wedding (me being one, a few being friends of his future wife). I doubt our friendship will last after the wedding is over, and doubt even more that he'd come to my future wedding. Put it this way, the few times I moved, he didn't even help me, though I helped him on more than one occasion.
And I did get the transportation issue worked out, I was just taken aback at his latest response. It was a good example of how he's basically treated me the entire time I've known him: like I pose an inconvenience for him.
Seriously..I would bail out NOW. Why would you even put yourself out and sacrifice your time, money and emotional energy in somone who doesn't give a rats A** about you?
Not being rude, just being real here. I would have cut him off LONG ago.
Unless someone is a close friend and or relative where the relationship is built around trust and respect, I would never stand in their wedding, let alone invest the time and money to go at all.
The two key words here, trust and respect are what this person has never afforded you.
It's been one of those love/hate relationships. Sometimes he can seem cool, other times like a complete d-bag. I didn't have a lot of friends after I relocated, so I made due with what I had. We also worked together for close to three years and lived together for a year. So that's the only reason it lasted for as long as it has.
After (if) you go to this guys wedding, will you ever see him again?
It doesn't sound likely given what you have posted here.
Why, then, would you expend scarce resources to do something you don't wish to do?
Just say it is not economically feasible for you to travel such a long distance at this time. You don't have to apologize to someone who has treated you like a tool.
There is no reasson why you should feel 'guilty' over someone who has treated you poorly. This guy 'obviously' has lots of friends and he can grad a couple of locals to stand up for him.
After (if) you go to this guys wedding, will you ever see him again?
It doesn't sound likely given what you have posted here.
Why, then, would you expend scarce resources to do something you don't wish to do?
Just say it is not economically feasible for you to travel such a long distance at this time. You don't have to apologize to someone who has treated you like a tool.
There is no reasson why you should feel 'guilty' over someone who has treated you poorly. This guy 'obviously' has lots of friends and he can grad a couple of locals to stand up for him.
Say no, and move along.
Good question. I honestly don't think he'd make any effort to visit me where I'm located now, so if there would ever be a time that we met up again, it would be because I came back out to visit the place I have just left.
Why didn't you just say no in the first place? It's okay to say no to being in someone's wedding. I told a friend no once because I had too many other things going on at the time, couldn't afford the expense, and I didn't feel we were really close enough friends any longer for me to stand up for her. She was fine with it and I had a nice time as a guest at the wedding. It's a poor reflection on YOU to commit to being in the wedding and then bail a month out. It's not like you didn't know what this guy was like when you agreed.
I am in a unique situation that I'm very torn over. Several months ago, someone I have known for a few years asked me if I would stand in his wedding. Despite not being very close to this guy (my perception at least), I accepted. I'm just a nice guy and have a hard time saying no to things, especially things of this magnitude.
Anyway, a little back story about this guy. I met him a short time after I had relocated and we would go out in a group after work for happy hours. He seemed alright, but he never quite treated me well. He came across as snoody and arrogant, and I felt that this was particularly aimed towards me more than others that we hung out with. We ended up being roommates for a short period and this is where I really saw his true devious side. He treated me horribly. He did not respect me whatsoever. For example, before moving in, we had agreed on splitting the bill for high speed Internet. When we did move in, he backed out of the deal, and instead, stole wi-fi from unprotected connections. He's never really been there for me but in one or two cases that I can remember.
Recently, I moved out of town (1200 miles away) to be closer to family and to save some money. For me to make it to his wedding in a month, I'd be spending somewhere around $700+. To me, it just seems like a lot of money to spend for someone I don't even feel close to. I doubt he'd come to my wedding given the current circumstances. In addition, he has been giving me a hard time. I asked him a few weeks ago about getting a ride from the airport and he mentioned that he would have a buddy flying in on a particular day and that he could pick both of us up. So, to be accommodating, I was trying to set up my flight to come in around the same time as his other buddy (his best man BTW). When I asked him again for confirmation of the time his buddy was coming in, he asked me, "Aren't you renting a car?" I was kind of offended by this question. We had already discussed this before and he agreed to pick me up and now he is making it seem like an inconvenience for him. This pretty much sums up how he's always treated me. Whenever I needed something from him, which was rare, he'd always make it known how much of an inconvenience it was for him in an ever so subtle manner.
Anyway, with the wedding a little over a month a way, I'm stuck in this predicament of whether or not I should go. I have one buddy who is adamantly opposed to me throwing my money away on this trip for a guy I don't even care that much about. However, I would like to get a little more insight on what others would do in a similar situation. I can add more detail about our relationship if that will help you in your assessment. What would you guys do in a similar situation?
Thanks
It does not sound like the loss of this friendship would be too traumatic to either of you so if I were in your position I would tell him that something has come up and you are unable to make final arrangements to be in his wedding. With a month before the wedding he surely can find someone else in your place without much trouble.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
