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Old 05-16-2013, 01:02 PM
 
32 posts, read 59,670 times
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In my other posting I was attacked for telling everyone I was struggling with my in-laws and my wife's family who are self described "white trash" (Their words). Take the stereotype of the poor small town white person who has lived in extreme poverty all their life and all the resulting behaviors and attitudes and you have these people. My family grew up with a silver spoon and have had nothing but success economically. This has caused a certain set of behaviors on our part along with a certain set of appearances and cultural sensitiviites.

So do you have any real close friends who come from a completely different economic and cultural background. Could you? Tell us what you think?

Think of me as a Mitt Rommney Clone meeting these people:

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Old 05-16-2013, 01:37 PM
 
373 posts, read 644,182 times
Reputation: 489
You just described my family attempting to socialize with my bf's family.

I have found it easier to avoid them. The stupidity that keeps them in poverty aggravates me to no end. And they think I am stuck up and mean, because bf no longer gives them money.

You just can't fix stupid.
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Old 05-16-2013, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Pueblo - Colorado's Second City
12,262 posts, read 24,467,333 times
Reputation: 4395
I am told I am in the 1% and think that is true and I have friends, even close friends, from every socio economic background. In fact the guy I am currently dating could not be more opposite then me when it comes to how much money he makes. So the simple answer to your question is yes and it works just fine.
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Old 05-16-2013, 01:46 PM
 
24,590 posts, read 10,896,457 times
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Without stepping on toes - how did you and your wife meet and decide to spend the rest of your lives together?
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Old 05-16-2013, 01:48 PM
 
22,278 posts, read 21,737,640 times
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I'm a surrogate mom/mentor to a young man who is 20 and comes from a family like that--ignorant, low standards and proud of it. But my intention is to help him break the cycle and raise his expectations. He is a smart person, with lots of ambition, but the generational poverty really drags him down in terms of actually following through with his goals and believing in himself. He has never seen anyone succeed and it is an unnatural concept to him, so he lacks the vision other people have.

But to answer the OP, I do not socialize with people far outside my socioeconomic range, unless they are friends of my kids'.
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Old 05-16-2013, 04:13 PM
 
14,375 posts, read 18,380,912 times
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My parents are middle class, but a good chunk of my family is working class. I went to private school and then an Ivy League school. My friends span the range from people pretty low on the socioeconomic latter to people with trust funds. I have friends who grew up on welfare or in foster care and friends who have never had a material want their entire lives.

You get slammed on these boards because you see people who aren't as educated or economically comfortable as you as "other" rather than just people dealing with a different set of circumstances. You don't appear to allow for the fact that they might have experiences and knowledge of value as well.

And honestly, for an educated professional, you just seem amazingly sheltered with exceptionally fragile sensibilties. You go on about emotional intelligence, yet you seem to have very limited skills in that area.
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Old 05-16-2013, 08:06 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,181,169 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Socially Inept View Post
In my other posting I was attacked for telling everyone I was struggling with my in-laws and my wife's family who are self described "white trash" (Their words). Take the stereotype of the poor small town white person who has lived in extreme poverty all their life and all the resulting behaviors and attitudes and you have these people. My family grew up with a silver spoon and have had nothing but success economically. This has caused a certain set of behaviors on our part along with a certain set of appearances and cultural sensitiviites.

So do you have any real close friends who come from a completely different economic and cultural background. Could you? Tell us what you think?

Think of me as a Mitt Rommney Clone meeting these people:
I'm just curious what your wife is like and how you ended up together.

My family has its share of white trash. No silver spoons here, though, so maybe not the clash of cultures you have.
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Old 05-16-2013, 08:40 PM
 
Location: San Marcos, TX
2,569 posts, read 7,745,349 times
Reputation: 4059
Well, when I sat and thought about it, the answer is no, not really. Most of my friends are from blue collar to middle class backgrounds. A decent number come from enlisted-level military member backgrounds (makes sense as I live in a military city and grew up very near an Air Force base, with my father being in the AF as well) -- it's a bit skewed from a purely financial standpoint as I am a full time student (went to school later in life) and my friends are established in their careers. Overall though it's all pretty even.

My SIL (brother's wife) came from a 1% family and was distanced from the family (and the money) after she dropped out of college and married "wrong" (not my brother, that came later, lol), but it didn't matter as her family lost all their money before her father died anyway. I don't think she and my brother would have ended up together in a million years had she remained in her family's good graces.

My first "roommate" was a 1 per-center, trust fund guy, who owned a big house and was lonely in it so he rented me the upper floor for practically nothing. We didn't remain close though, we are still Facebook "friends" and that's it. He was a friend of a friend.

I did marry someone from a upper middle class background with an income in the top 5 to 10% (my first marriage) and although my father was in the military all his life and he himself had a middle class income and lifestyle, I was raised by a single mom who worked lower wage jobs and we were probably in the bottom 25%, income wise. My mother worked all the time, we used to get "government cheese" and money was always very tight, though she worked hard to see to it that we lived in a "good" neighborhood. This was all horrifying to my first MIL. My ex-MIL certainly thought her son was marrying "poor white trash". In fact, I often think he married me, in part, to tick her off. The woman doesn't know the difference between "poor" and "trash", obviously, but whatever.

Marrying someone from such a very different socioeconomic background was certainly not the primary problem with our marriage but I DO think that it was a contributing factor to some of our problems. Basically he had a sense of entitlement that allowed him to think it was ok to not work for years if a job was "beneath" his idea of what he deserved, based on his education and experience. His mother backed him up on this so there were many many periods where we were existing on some minimum wage job of mine, in between his periods of employment (though when he worked, he made very good money). We also had tons of fights about spending money; I was raised by someone extremely frugal and he was used to having household help, buying whatever whenever.

I am married now to someone who grew up absolutely dirt poor, not just "working class" poor. Raised by a single mom who favored getting high over anything else, so she neglected her kids, had her first five taken away, and only did the absolute bare minimum for her remaining child (my wife). My wife grew up eating whatever was in the cupboard, cold, usually a can of something, and having to wash her clothes out in the bathtub before walking to school in the snow with no coat (no it wasn't uphill both ways but almost! .

It's interesting to me to see how all of this continues to effect behaviors and mentalities for a lifetime, from a sociological standpoint.
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Old 05-16-2013, 08:42 PM
 
35,094 posts, read 51,259,761 times
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We have friends and family in every range of everything so nothing new for us. It does not seem to cause issues for 99.9% of the rest of our friends and family but there are a few who try to cause trouble just because it is what they do.
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Old 05-16-2013, 10:15 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,716,559 times
Reputation: 22474
I don't think it's exactly money that defines someone's class. People can be quite broke and be middle class, I've known professionals -- physician with a specialty married to a lawyer -- who went bankrupt. Wealthy people can act like total slobs. I don't care how much money someone has or what their formal education level is, but I wouldn't really want to hang out with trash types.
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