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I've never had many friends in my life & I sure have never been a part of a group of friends. It seems that throughout my life, I've had 1 or 2 casual pals, who I know from different plces, who I've hung out with occasionally, like every 4-6 mos, definitely no talking on the phone or anything. I guess I'm satisfied with that, after all, you can't make anyone be your friend. It seems that no matter where I am, people always have their own set of friends, so no one gets to know me, but if they did, they'd realize that I'm one of the kindest, most genuine people they've ever met. Only my parents & significant other truly know me & how funny I can be. I admit, I don't go out & do much. I'm bogged down with work & grad school these days, so it's not like I'm trying to seek out friends.
Are joining those Meet-Up groups really good? To me, it feels forced, like you're trying to force friendships. I prefer just making friends as I go along throught the course of life. I don't knkow, I guess I may stay a rather solitary person forever...unless I happen to meet another person who might make a good friend. I'm not asking for a whole entourage. I'm not the attention-seeking type by any means. But a couple nice friends to talk on the phone with once a week & go out with maybe every 2-3 weeks would be nice.
Do you prefer one friend or various acquaintances that you know from various places? Do you wish you had more friends?
I have never had a lot of friends, nor have I been in a group of friends, really.
At this time in my life, I am in a group of friends, and I really like it. I moved to an area where I didn't know anyone except for my bf, and I became friends with his friends.
He has 2 men that are best friends all the way back from middle school and they are all 42-43. One is divorced and the other is married x 1 year.
I have become good friends with his wife. We both moved here from another state, knowing no one but our SO. We don't have a terrible much in common, but we do things with each other that the other likes, and it is fun getting to do things we are not accustomed to doing. Of course we also have things in common as well.
We all flow very nicely with one another, and it feels like I've known them forever.
I was nervous in the beginning, in meeting them. I just don't think I am like many other people, and truly you either like me or you don't. I suppose I got lucky....
I tend to be a bit out going and don't mind approaching people and I have quite a few people also approach me that I don't know as well.
This happened when my friend and I were out the other day and I could see it made her uncomfortable. I just let her know it happens a lot to me for some reason and we carried on...
I'm a bit schizoid. I grew up very isolated and socially awkward, but blossomed into a bit of a social butterfly in my mid-20s. I found "my people," I guess you could say. I haven't looked back since. HOWEVER, I still crave solitude just as much as I crave companionship. I'm happy with the friends I have, but making more is always a joyful occasion.
I don't see Meetup groups or anything like that as "forced" - you're getting together in a group with people who are like-minded or have similar interests, that's all. Some people will inevitably click and some won't. You're not being required to make friends at gunpoint. Heck, I didn't join one of my Meetup groups for social purposes at all - I merely wanted a writing group. I've made a few social contacts from it, but no close friends. That's not really what it's about for me, though some of the other people have formed very strong friendships with each other.
OP, if you want more friends, you shouldn't be self-conscious about it. There's nothing wrong or desperate about making an active effort to build out your social circle. You're not doomed to a life of solitude if you don't want it. But you are going to have to extend yourself a bit and allow some vulnerability if you want to form honest connections.
If you're happy being a loner, there's nothing wrong with that either.
I can agree on some levels...I have hundreds of acquaintances. However, my friends can be counted on one hand. I believe it is a chemistry thing; with friends you should have chemistry too. I don't get asked out much, and really I don't desire to ask the people I know to go out because 10 minutes of conversation here and there is usually enough for us. The gut feel I have is that the chemistry is just not there. Until I meet someone I can click with and feel I can talk for hours with, it would be awkward to try to take it beyond the acquaintance level! I have met a few people in the last couple years that I can talk for hours with and had chemistry with, but they were all very, very busy people with tons of friends, kids, civic obligations, family obligations, etc. I can tell that their life is so busy they don't know whether they are coming or going. I didn't pursue anything further, and neither did they due to lack of time. It's a shame, some people I find to have all the time for friends in the world are not the type of people I can see being close friends with due to lack of chemistry.
I agree with all of you. Chemistry is important and is a part of friendship, just like a romantic relationship.
I go through spurts. Right now I only have aquaintences. I'm very much a loner but I don't really like it. I get very lonely and don't have anyone to do stuff with, like get a bite or see a movie or just talk. But I don't like talking that much these days so who knows?
Now I live in the South where most people are married and in families. I don't have a family and I'm taking care of my elderly parents. It's so hard to feel motivated to want to be with people anymore.
I would try meetups but so far haven't seen anything that really interests me. I guess it's like dating and using Match or something. It may be a little forced but at times, how else are you going to meet anyone if you don't make yourself do stuff with like minded people?
I had several circles of good friends where I grew up and again I made lots of friends after my first out of state relocation. Made fewer friends in the next move and even fewer on the last move. I just got tired of building friendships as I get older. I still consider folks from my past to be my "best" friends, even though I only get to see them occasionally.
I always had a group in high school, then while in college, then again before I married.
As time has passed, it seems that I have lost a lot of friends, lost them as in I rarely see them anymore.
My wife is probably my best friend now and I seem to have a lot of acquaintances, but I miss not having one good male friend that I see a lot.
I golf a lot but don't have a solid golf partner, know what I mean?
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