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My sister Alice is in a tough situation. She has been unemployed since 2008, and claims she has applied for hundreds of jobs but can't find one, even minimum wage. After being evicted from her one bedroom apartment she showed up at the door step of my brother with all her worldly possessions and said she needed a place to live for a few months until she got a job. That was four years ago. Finally my brother lost patience and kicked her out. She lived in homeless shelters for awhile but was assaulted and now she wants to move in with my wife and I for a few weeks.
I am afraid that once she moves in she will never leave. It took my brother four years to get rid of her! My brother says once she has moved in it will be nearly impossible to evict her.
What should I do? There is no other family to put her up?
Last edited by I'm Retired Now; 08-22-2013 at 08:44 AM..
My sister Alice is in a tough situation. She has been unemployed since 2008, and claims she has applied for hundreds of jobs but can't find one, even minimum wage. After being evicted from her one bedroom apartment she showed up at the door step of my brother with all her worldly possessions and said she needed a place to live for a few months until she got a job. That was four years ago. Finally my brother lost patience and kicked her out. She lived in homeless shelters for awhile but was assaulted and now she wants to move in with my wife and I for a few weeks.
I am afraid that once she moves in she will never leave. It took my brother four years to get rid of her!
What should I do? There is no other family to put her up?
You sister has mental health issues.
Has she refused treatment and/or medication?
If so, you tell her you will take her in for ONE week while you look into and arrange for other accommodations.
Call your United Way Agency to ask for their recommendations on placements for her. At the very least get her in the system so she can be assigned a social worker and access to help.
I don't think I could do it. You could tell her one week, and she might agree, but when the week is up she likely will make an excuse and won't go. So what good would that do? Unless you physically force her - and are willing and able - how is that going to work? You will have a roommate for 4 years. Tell her your landlord won't allow it.
I was in the same situation with my baby sister. I tried to help her as much as I could, but only she can really do that. lovesMountains is most likely correct in that there are mental issues. She is family so try to move her into a situation where she can fend for herself as best she can, and do it quickly. My baby sister just could not cope with life and is no longer with us.
I would keep an open mind, take your sister in, and see what I could do for her. She's family, and as other posters have mentioned, she may have mental health issues that need addressed or even something as simple as some job interview readiness classes to prepare her for a job. Besides the fact that your brother didn't want her at his house, what is your sister like to live with? Is she disrespectful? Does she steal or cause drama? Does she trash the house? I get from your post that she's not particularly difficult in those ways. If that's the case, I would definitely not turn my back on her and let her go to the shelter or worse, out onto the streets. Could you really live with yourself if you did that and something happened to her? Can she cook or clean? Do yard work? Maybe she can "pay" for her room and board by doing some work around the house.
You're understandably reluctant to take your sister in now, but this could be an opportunity to make a profound positive difference in her life. Or she might turn out to be a pretty good roommate and eventually, a cherished part of your household. In time, you might even find yourself wondering how you managed without her.
I have tried for years to get her to accept my help with her mental issues, job hunting skills and general life skills, but she refused. My brother says she just stayed her room in the basement, said very little to anyone and watched television and played with her computer. She has no friends and makes no effort to do anything. We tried to get her to see a mental health professional but she refused.
If she moved in with us I suspect she would just sit in the basement where our guest room is and do exactly what she did at my brother. She was not difficult to live with but just passive and prefers to be left alone. She is almost 400 pounds.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sedivec
I would keep an open mind, take your sister in, and see what I could do for her. She's family, and as other posters have mentioned, she may have mental health issues that need addressed or even something as simple as some job interview readiness classes to prepare her for a job. Besides the fact that your brother didn't want her at his house, what is your sister like to live with? Is she disrespectful? Does she steal or cause drama? Does she trash the house? I get from your post that she's not particularly difficult in those ways. If that's the case, I would definitely not turn my back on her and let her go to the shelter or worse, out onto the streets. Could you really live with yourself if you did that and something happened to her? Can she cook or clean? Do yard work? Maybe she can "pay" for her room and board by doing some work around the house.
You're understandably reluctant to take your sister in now, but this could be an opportunity to make a profound positive difference in her life. Or she might turn out to be a pretty good roommate and eventually, a cherished part of your household. In time, you might even find yourself wondering how you managed without her.
I hate to say it, but she sounds like a lost cause. Most employers aren't going to hire a 400 pound person who hasn't worked in five years...way too much liability, etc. I wouldn't let a person like that live in my house, frankly.
I have tried for years to get her to accept my help with her mental issues, job hunting skills and general life skills, but she refused. My brother says she just stayed her room in the basement, said very little to anyone and watched television and played with her computer. She has no friends and makes no effort to do anything. We tried to get her to see a mental health professional but she refused.
If she moved in with us I suspect she would just sit in the basement where our guest room is and do exactly what she did at my brother. She was not difficult to live with but just passive and prefers to be left alone. She is almost 400 pounds.
Since she is not dangerous or disruptive, and you do have the space for her, consider telling her that staying with you is conditional upon seeing a mental health counselor.
Be firm about this.
Tell her you love her and want to help her, not enable her to just continue living the way she is living.
If she won't agree to help tell her she cannot come to your home.
Tough I know, but if she really doesn't want to go back to a homeless shelter your "condiition" might motivate her to see someone.
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