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That's an old saying and I really don't know if it is true. A friend is a person you trust and confide in...My kids when they were young and now that they are adults...confide in me...I guess that makes me their friend now...but when they were really small...I had an immature attitude and I was more like a sibling than a father...If you are going to be the friend of your child...You can do that as long as you do not pretend you are the same age...because you are not. When a mother starts to dress like the daughter...that is a no go.
My mom was 19 & 21 when my sister and I were born. We have great relationships with her, mainly because she mothered us. We had friends and so did she. Her favorite saying when we were growing up was, "I'm your mother not your friend" along with, "I have to love you, I don't have to like you".
My relationship with my daughter has always been as her mother. As a child, she would have no concept of me as young, so would not be seeing me as her sister. A woman on a tv courtroom show testified that her daughter always thought of her as a sister since she was only 17 years older. To a young person, seventeen years is an eon. She's been an adult for awhile now, and I asked if she ever thought of me as her sister? Her response: What for?
Have to add, she and I have never had crosswords. Not sure how it happened. It surely didn't happen for my mother.
It all comes down to how a child is raised. It doesn't matter how young the mother is, if she raises her child to look at her as the mother and respect her then the child will never think of her in a sisterly way. I have heard though that many real young mothers will raise their children more like a sister since they are so close in age. I don't think this is health for either the child or the parent.
I'm confused, did you have your daughter when you were 17? Why would you want or expect her to see you as a sister? Your first sentence is most perplexing: "My relationship with my daughter has always been as her mother." - You ARE her mother so why would your relationship with her be anything else?
While I get the theory behind that statement, in practice I have to disagree........you can be both a Parent AND a friend. I have that relationship with my two Sons. They have always known I am a Father figure and was strict when they were growing up, but we are also best friends and share a terrific relationship with each other on that level too.
They are in their early 40's and we still talk every day. We share our good times and our bad ones too. We enjoy the same hobby and spend time at our shop building cars together. When they were young they were the main focus of my life and we spent most days doing things together. I could come to them with any problem and it would become their problem, as would their problem become mine.
So I kinda get that you are saying that kids will not respect you if you are "friends" with them, but I am living proof it can be done, if you do it the right way. It takes love, consistency, and not asking them to do something you are not willing to do yourself.
My relationship with my daughter has always been as her mother. As a child, she would have no concept of me as young, so would not be seeing me as her sister. A woman on a tv courtroom show testified that her daughter always thought of her as a sister since she was only 17 years older. To a young person, seventeen years is an eon. She's been an adult for awhile now, and I asked if she ever thought of me as her sister? Her response: What for?
Have to add, she and I have never had crosswords. Not sure how it happened. It surely didn't happen for my mother.
It's not always a compliment, you know. Some parents are so immature, that their children never see them as the parental figure, just someone who's as immature as they are. It sounds like your daughter respected you and that's a very good thing. Good job, Mom.
I remember reading an article by a local newspaper columnist during a time when there was a lot of talk about the problem of teen pregnancy. He said his mother was 16 when he was born, but that never made a difference to HIM. She was always his mother, the woman who cared for him, disciplined him, taught him things, etc. He never thought of her as "teenage mom" because she was never that to him. She was just Mom.
Thanks! English is obviously your first language. LOL. When reading the earlier comments, I wondered why they didn't read my whole post.
No, it's because you didn't make it clear in your OP that YOU were 17 when your daughter was born.
But, I think we've all got it by now! ; )
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