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This is where my favorite saying comes into play (which I repeat to myself several times a year)
"In life, go where you are celebrated, and not merely tolerated."
For many of us, what awaits us is a toxic environment when we are with family. It took me a long time to come to terms with how emotionally abusive my parents and aunt are and since they will never change I control the only thing I can--my exposure to them.
Ha! Thank you to the one who dredged up this thread. I thought I was alone. I have given up on going to family gatherings when I realized that I need to be really drunk or drugged or preferably both to survive these events. Last year was the last time. I can't do it anymore.
It makes me sad but that sadness feels so so much better than what I feel being around family and coping for days afterwards.
Am I the only one here who lies to people when they ask what I am doing for the holidays? I have found that people don't really want to hear about how toxic your family is. Or when you tell them, they think you're exaggerating. Or they feel obligated to invite you over.
So, when I am asked, I have a script memorized about how I am spending it with family, and who will be there, and what we do and what we eat and who cooks what.
Nope. I will tell people my family is dysfunctional and the environment is toxic, which is the absolute truth. I've had enough stories of things they've said and done to give examples. I don't mind that people find out, especially people who know my parents and aunt and think they are just so sweet and nice. My mother and her sister ooze the charm for everyone else, but then treat me like their servant. They do this and more in front of other people, which is embarrassing to me. Telling others has been my way of coping and getting back at them--unveiling the truth when the opportunity presents.
I also use my crazy family stories as comic fodder. My friends know some of the stories. I don't feel guilty; I'm not the one who has created an untenable situation, and after trying for years and years to forge some kind of healthy adult relationship with my mother, I finally gave up. She's crazy and petty and selfish and mean. My father is a little better, but not by a whole lot. My mother's sister is a $h*t-stirrer and makes things worse, so she's evil too.
I don't care if other people 'feel bad' about my family dynamic. I am all about telling the truth and placing responsibility right where it belongs. Telling it like it is feels good to me. There's no river of denial running near me.
There is a word, not sure how its properly spelled, (forbearance and patience with me please) ajita..no, its agita (with a "J" sound) An Italian-american word for Heartburn, acid indigestion, an upset stomach or, by extension, a general feeling of upset.
“when you have been aggravated to the point where it feels like you have a serious migraine headache throughout your whole body.†“Agita†is thus more or less the Italian-American equivalent of the Yiddish “tsuris†(â€miseryâ€), an equation not lost on Woody Allen, who made a song about “agita†the center-piece of his 1984 film “Broadway Danny Rose.â€
I actually INTENTIONALLY moved 14 hours away.
Sorry.. too far to drive!
There is a word, not sure how its properly spelled, (forbearance and patience with me please) ajita..no, its agita (with a "J" sound) An Italian-american word for Heartburn, acid indigestion, an upset stomach or, by extension, a general feeling of upset.
“when you have been aggravated to the point where it feels like you have a serious migraine headache throughout your whole body.” “Agita” is thus more or less the Italian-American equivalent of the Yiddish “tsuris” (”misery”), an equation not lost on Woody Allen, who made a song about “agita” the center-piece of his 1984 film “Broadway Danny Rose.”
I actually INTENTIONALLY moved 14 hours away.
Sorry.. too far to drive!
I think it's pronounced odjina. That's how I remember it. And, I can remember people talking about someone giving them odjina/heartburn. Funny. Haven't heard that word for years.
I prefer to spend the holidays on my own so I did something that would actually prevent me from coming home. I got a second job. I told my family how difficult it was to reconcile two schedules around the holidays and how important it was for me to save up for my next house. The issue was dropped and I was left to my work.
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Curing Agita from Family get-togethers.
