Any reference to grandparents here are my maternal grandparents, ie my mother's parents. In fact, all family members mentioned are maternal.
My parents married in 1986; I was born in 1989, and my sister followed in 1991. Dad was a spendthrift (visible) and violent (invisible) alcoholic. Approaching the separation in 2001, mom became partially responsible for some $60,000 of debt. There were car wrecks, traumatic run-ins with creditors, and
violent fights in my early childhood. Unfortunately, mom was very good at covering these items up/ignoring them until they became full blown crises. As a result, her parents believe that he was a flawed man who reformed...at the price of three of their bloodline scarred by the experience. Mom, and it kills me to say this, went from a gregarious young woman (from the stories of her siblings and friends) to exhibiting the passive, reclusive, zero confidence behaviours common in battered women. My sister learned to be "absent" and secretive. Sadly, she also shows some signs of "daddy issues" in her choice of relationships and soft drug use.
I turned into the academically overachieving, over-responsible, and bullied approval seeker.
To more recent history:
Mom died in September 2011 of uterine cancer after an diagnosis made in early April 2011 and the cessation of chemo/"death sentence" proclamation in the last week of July. Never one to plan, a will was...concocted in those 6 weeks. This meant that mom's vague desires were then dictated by my maternal grandfather and his nephew (the latter being a lawyer) onto paper. We (sister and I) were excluded from coming to the hospital to keep mom company during treatments and from attending the will discussions. This was a non-issue for my sister, as she literally disappeared from home during those months. In classic eldest child form, I assumed the responsibilities as "regent" and handled housekeeping, the dog, bills, maintenance, food/cooking, and keeping in touch with our closest family. As I had been living independently overseas for 3 years before, this was a non-issue. As a self-starter with an intense need for personal control, it was
extremely trying to be excluded from the discussion from the "post-mom" arrangements.
The will has proved to be a disastrous screw job.
My grandfather sought counsel from his boys at the country club for information about trusts. The move to put the bulk of the ready cash into Trust 1 failed, after much wasted time: Mom died on Sept 8 2011, I started work on a major thesis starting on Sept 15 and didn't see any money until April 2012 a month before graduation. The workload + financial insecurity + emotional ruin together comprised a special kind of hell. Despite being of the well heeled "live off investments" country club set, my grandfather dabbled with a level of law reserved for the great American dynastic fortunes, not a freelance investor who press-ganged his semi-retired nephew. This was a high school teacher, not a de Medici heiress. The house, a life insurance payment, and jewelry did make it into Trust 2.
Despite my grandfather's patriarchal meddling, my uncle is technically the executor of the estate and the head trustees. My grandfather still has much sway over his son.
Mom knew that for at least 10 months after her death, I'd be overseas studying and my sister would be in and out. Who would mind the house and dog? Her solution: my father. I told her up front in early August 2011, "I know that you are desperate, but this is insanity. I remember the past. I remember the damage he did on his visits. How many times has he called us all "F'ing idiots" in the last 5 years alone? I despise his being." My grandparents, for some reason, thought this was a great idea. Once the bills started coming in again as my father transitioned in, mom's memory returned and she re-considered. But sadly, she was too weak to enforce her own will and my pleas were silenced via manipulation and gaslighting. Mom swore that he, after lengthy discussion, would pay the taxes and "be nicer."
3 days before mom died, dad (retired NYPD, now in private security) told us that he was getting a dog from work... a bomb sniffing labrador with a temper. He would get an extra $500/month. I was instructed (by dad) not to tell mom, who was weak (obviously) but intellectually intact. I promptly disregarded this and told everyone. Despite the head shaking, all went ahead as planned.
The problem: It is November 2013. Dad hasn't paid a dime in taxes. He hasn't reimbursed as promised. He did buy a brand new Dodge journey in February 2013, which he proudly announced when I was home visiting that month. The house's march into disrepair has continued. Dad promised to vacate by May. He hasn't, making excuses that my uncle just rolls his eyes at. The estate is out on $35,000 on taxes he promised to pay. The dog has caused significant damage.
By February, my need for money will be be grim and by April desperate.
I am now on the verge of making PhD applications. I have the grades, recommendations, and research to be a viable candidate for Oxford or Cambridge. However, given the UK's current financial situation and cutbacks to higher ed, I will likely have to partially self-fund. Even with full funding, I would still need moving expenses ex-Australia and the financial padding for when "life happens." Ignoring the situation and borrowing is reprehensible to me.
My sister is just beginning her professional career. My sister has trapped herself in a relationship with a 35 year old (she's 22) who lives in his parent's basement on disability. After fights with my father, this unappealing situation still beats living with a man who has never had a kind word (but always a nasty one) for her, ever.
It's so frustrating I've broken down in tears twice. My grandfather has no patience and won't hear of the evil, sadistic things we experienced. Dad was "a good man with problems." He's a headcase bully who has spending and had (or has as you prefer) alcohol problems.
How can I get rid of this squatter? My uncle can't or won't take a hard line. I have half a mind to legally press for the trust to be broken early (it will persist until 2017/my 28th birthday) and then formally evicting dad.
My usurped home and family are in Nassau County, New York.
Any help is wanted. I am desperate and desire action before 2014.
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